This week we cover the full spectrum of American absurdity—starting with Rach playing the game so hard at the bowling alley that she literally peed her pants, and ending with Trump deciding to send actual troops into Oregon like it’s his own personal war game. Between strikes, gutter balls, and creeping authoritarianism, we’re asking the real question: how do you keep your bladder (and your democracy) intact when everything feels like it’s spinning out of control?