On the couch: Cris Machado and TJ Noonan!

- Rob knew a girl who did "backdoor" sex in a hammock in high school and earned the nickname "Danal."

- Cris on a stripper use a tortilla as toilet paper. 

- TJ makes things awkward by staring at Cris' penis. Multiple times. For no reason

- Hackers take control of a bluetooth controlled chastity device and extort users for Bitcoins or they won't release their junk.

- We play a round of Pervert Price is Right!

- Colorado sex offender Nathan Wood gets caught checking out German child porn on the dark web on an iPad at the Apple Store.

- Caleb Burczyk, a 29 year old from North Dakota, threatened to kill a former co-worker after he refused to accept his Facebook friend request

- Hichman Asfir stabs a Walmart employee after the employee scans the man's item for purchase.

- Cris has his $2,500 bike stolen.

- Rob replaces a broken water pipe just hours after buying it.

- One of us has wiping issues, and no one seems to know what the solution is.

Plus, we cover all of the weird Florida Man stories from the week, including:

- Beef thief Roice Dean Brenay is arrested after he's caught stealing meat from the Winn-Dixie he worked at.

- Florida Man Joseph Prohaska is arrested after riding an airboat on the streets of Brevard County, before shooting off fireworks and threatening to kill cops.

- Florida Man Scott Anthony Massa is arrested for arson after he tried to light a house on fire, and instead, lit himself on fire!

- Florida Man Jacoby Smart gets kicked out of Escapes Gentleman's Club for filming strippers and fighting with bouncers.

- Florida Man Romney Christopher Ellis is arrested after sending a dead rat to his ex-wife and stalking her.