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Have you ever wondered what would happen if you stopped trying to change yourself and instead asked God to choose the perfect timing? After an emotional breakdown in my previous episode, I disappeared from podcasting while secretly battling a spiritual crisis that was pulling me back toward old destructive habits.

In this raw, vulnerable conversation, I share how one month away from my faith showed me what "hell" truly feels like—not flames, but the emptiness of living without divine connection. The testimony unfolds with a moment that can only be described as supernatural: a fellow believer receiving a vision during prayer that perfectly mirrored words I'd spoken in my previous episode, proving God had been listening even when I wasn't speaking to Him.

The centerpiece of this spiritual journey involves my eight-year smoking addiction and the surprising approach that finally worked. Instead of making promises I couldn't keep, I surrendered control entirely: "God, YOU tell me when I'll quit smoking because I'm tired of breaking promises." His answer—"end of February"—manifested in perfect timing when my vape died on Valentine's Day, the first day of vacation when I could manage withdrawal symptoms without work pressures.

This isn't just a story about quitting a bad habit; it's about discovering how joy becomes a choice regardless of circumstances, how God prepares ways before we even ask, and why authentic faith exists beyond the failures of religious communities. For anyone who's felt like they've wandered too far to return, this testimony offers hope that the way back is already being prepared.

Whether you're a devoted believer, someone curious about spirituality, or even someone who has been hurt by religion, this deeply personal conversation explores how finding purpose sometimes requires losing your way first—and how divine timing works even when we've given up on ourselves.

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Is it possible to uncover hidden gems within ourselves, much like the rice balls with hidden plums in "Fruits Basket"? Join me, Shea, as I reflect on the profound impact Jazzi's recent podcast takeover had on reigniting my love for anime and the healing journey of re-watching a beloved series. Through these episodes, I dive into the life lessons and emotional depths that "Fruits Basket" offers, particularly through the lens of characters like Kyo, whose honesty and introspection continue to resonate with me. This journey has reconnected me with my inner child, reminding me of the unseen personal qualities that deserve recognition and appreciation.

This episode isn't just about anime; it's a heartfelt discussion on battling mental health challenges and the search for personal purpose. I open up about the emotional exhaustion and numbness that cloud my perception of self-worth, sharing candid moments of vulnerability. Through a poignant conversation with a friend, I confront the harsh realities of feeling like a robot, questioning my progress, and yearning to rediscover the optimistic person I once was. The inner turmoil of comparing oneself to others becomes a focal point, shining a light on the complexities of self-acceptance and the fear of lacking inherent value.

Community and connection lie at the heart of this podcast, and your feedback is essential in nurturing this space. I invite you to engage through Instagram DMs and share your thoughts, as your support fuels the growth of Subconsciously. Together, we can create a supportive community where authenticity thrives. Stay tuned as my subconscious thoughts continue to lead us on a path of self-discovery and connection, with a promise to remain open and genuine in sharing this journey with you.

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Ever wondered what it's like to revisit the hobbies you loved as a child? Join special guest host, Jazzi, as she shares her playful and candid reflections on embracing life's transitions and reconnecting with our inner selves. From mental health and evolving friendships to the intricate dance of forming connections, we'll explore the beauty of returning to past hobbies and finding solace in the familiar. Try not to laugh too loudly as we keep the volume low to avoid waking Shea's family, and enjoy the new sound effects that humorously censor those unscripted moments.

Is disconnecting from social media truly liberating, or just an invitation for awkward social gatherings? Let's reflect on the surprising relief of a notification-free existence and the social quirks that happen when you're the only one not glued to a screen. She'll share her odd fear of monkeys and a chilling sleep paralysis episode involving a shadowy figure. Dive with Jazzi into the world of smartphones, the dual nature of technology, and its impact on our interactions and personal fears.

Come along as we explore how art and literature reshape our understanding of intimacy. We'll celebrate the profound nature of non-romantic connections in manga like "Chainsaw Man" and "Fruits Basket," where deep friendships challenge conventional expectations of romance. Reflect on the intimate yet non-sexual scenes, and how stories like these profoundly impact our perception of relationships. Plus, don't miss out on a heartfelt invitation to connect with Shea on Instagram, where she promises more subconscious musings and conversations that resonate long after the episode ends.

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In today’s episode, Shea takes us into an intimate 3 a.m. conversation about the complexities of trio friendships—those unique relationships involving three people. She reflects on her own experiences within trio friendships, diving deep into the dynamics, the challenges, and the moments that have shaped her perspective. Shea opens up about whether trio friendships can truly last and what makes them different from other types of relationships, unlocking powerful memories and truths along the way.

With vulnerability and honesty, Shea shares the lessons she’s learned from both the joys and the struggles of navigating these friendships. She invites listeners to explore their own experiences with trio dynamics and encourages them to reflect on how these relationships have impacted their lives. Open your heart and mind to fresh insights and new realizations about yourself, friendships, and the delicate balance of being part of a trio.

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In today’s empowering episode, Shea explores the rewarding and often underestimated journey of doing things and living life on your own terms. She opens up about the lessons she's learned through her personal experiences of embracing solo adventures, from traveling alone to making independent decisions. With a passionate and uplifting approach, Shea shares how stepping outside of your comfort zone and trusting yourself can lead to incredible growth, confidence, and freedom.

Throughout the episode, Shea encourages listeners to recognize the strength that comes from doing things by yourself, and she offers heartfelt advice on how to take that first step toward independence, no matter where you are in life. Whether you're someone who enjoys your own company or someone who needs a little push to start doing things solo, this episode is a powerful reminder that you are more capable than you realize.

So grab your headphones, listen alone, or share this with someone who might need that extra nudge to embrace their independence—you’ve got this!

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In today’s episode, Shea takes a raw and honest dive into her personal journey of self-acceptance—exploring both the struggles and breakthroughs along the way. She opens up about her challenges with truly accepting herself, especially in moments when life doesn’t feel "perfect" or when things aren't going as planned. Shea reflects on the contrast between the idealized notion of self-acceptance—where everything feels aligned—and the more complex, everyday reality of learning to embrace yourself through both the highs and lows.

She delves into the difficult yet powerful realizations she’s had about how true self-acceptance isn't about loving yourself only when things are going well, but about cultivating compassion and grace during life’s toughest moments. This episode invites you to expand your perspective and embrace the messy, imperfect road to self-acceptance, offering deep insights that will challenge the way you approach your own journey. Open your mind and heart as Shea uncovers the truth about accepting yourself, flaws and all.

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Shea kicks off 2025 by welcoming Subconsciously into the new year with a thought-provoking discussion about New Year’s resolutions and the deeper realities of goal-setting and personal transformation. In this episode, Shea takes a candid look at the pressure to change every January and explores what it really takes to set meaningful, sustainable goals. She dives into the complexities of self-improvement—challenging the notion of “new year, new me” and reflecting on the importance of growth that goes beyond surface-level resolutions.

Through her own experiences and insights, Shea uncovers the truth behind the struggle to change, offering listeners practical advice on how to approach goal-setting with intention and self-compassion. Whether you’re rethinking your resolutions or feeling stuck in the cycle of unrealized goals, this episode is all about embracing the journey of growth, no matter how imperfect or messy it may be.

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After a much-needed break, Shea is back and ready to dive into some thought-provoking—and occasionally silly—topics that have been on her mind. In this episode, she shares the personal revelations and insights she's had over the past two months, including an exploration of the classic battle between JOMO (Joy of Missing Out) and FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), and what it really means to embrace comfort versus pushing yourself to grow.

Shea also reflects on how to take the next big step in life, whether it’s in relationships, career, or personal growth, and opens up about the messy yet transformative journey of moving on from breakups. To keep things light and fun, she wraps it all up with her monthly favorites and a cake analogy (yup, you read that right!).

Join Shea for a mix of deep dives and lighthearted musings as she unpacks the thoughts that have been quietly simmering in her subconscious. It’s an episode filled with real talk, self-discovery, and a dash of humor—perfect for anyone looking to reflect on their own journey, or just enjoy a good, cake-filled metaphor.

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In this exciting episode, Shea welcomes back her best friend of 12 years, Marzia, for a deep dive into the world of the music industry from the perspective of a small, emerging artist. Shea conducts a candid interview with Marzia, exploring her humble beginnings and the inspiring journey that led her to pursue music professionally. They discuss the influences and experiences that have shaped Marzia’s sound, as well as the education and skills she’s cultivated along the way to navigate the challenges of the industry.

But that’s not all—Marzia also drops an exclusive, very special announcement that you won’t want to miss! Plus, she shares valuable advice for aspiring artists who are looking to break into the music world, offering insights into everything from the grind of the industry to staying true to your creative vision. With their unique, unfiltered conversations and plenty of behind-the-scenes moments, this episode is a must-listen for anyone interested in the realities of making it as an artist in the ever-evolving music scene.

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In this raw and introspective episode, Shea opens up about the challenging situations that have tested her over the past two weeks. She reflects on the emotional rollercoaster she’s experienced, sharing the moments that really put her through the wringer. But it’s not all about the struggle—Shea also dives into the valuable perspectives and lessons she's gained while navigating through the thick of it. From finding strength in vulnerability to learning how to embrace discomfort, Shea offers listeners a glimpse into her personal growth journey during tough times. This episode is a candid exploration of resilience, self-reflection, and how even the hardest situations can lead to powerful insights and new ways of thinking.