One of the things I always worry about is that our minds’ number one skill is rationalizing and creating narratives that make us feel better. I worry about that because it makes me wonder if we ever accurately assess our lives and get to the truth about ourselves or if we constantly just make up stories that comfort us. This conversation with Immacula in many ways got right to the heart of this question. 

To step back for a minute and give you her story, over 20 years ago she found herself in a very dark place. She was in a relationship that was incredibly violent and took away her self-esteem and destroyed her self worth. After giving birth to her daughter though, she woke up to the fact that she wanted better for her life. She began to visualize where she wanted to be and ultimately gave birth to a new vision. Today she is the owner of Cellars International Realty with a mission to connect and nurture individuals who seem to feel lost like she was and to help women in distress secure homeownership.

We spent time talking about how she felt in that dark place, what stopped her from getting out of it, and what lessons she learned through the process. We questioned how critical direct experience and empathy is to helping people who are suffering and why she feels such a calling to do the work she does. But back to my point at the beginning, I think we also gleaned some insights about the question of creating narratives and the function that serves in our lives. 

If I wanted to be cold or cynical I could look at Immacula's situation and say she did the obvious thing. She was in a bad situation and her mind had to make sense of it. It had to believe that it happen for a reason (otherwise life is just too shitty) and so her mind translated it into her calling and purpose for life. Logically that might all be true, but what Immacula helped me realize is that it doesn't have to carry a negative connotation. I don't have to view that through a cold or cynical lens. This is what life is. We are all dealt with tons of adversity and hardships in life (even if not as extreme as Immacula), so rather than seeing our minds’ ability to rationalize and comfort us as a flaw, see it as a beautiful gift. Something that allows us to look at a life filled with so much suffering but still find a way to have optimism and happiness.

I will always worry about my mind going too far and over rationalizing or comforting, because the potential risks in that are too great. But Immacula and her story helped me to balance that fear with an appreciation for the way our minds help us overcome and rise above adversity. I hope you guys enjoy this episode and thanks as always for listening.