It's a Tabloid tale as old as time: a genius southern belle moves to Utah in search of cultural wisdom, falls in love with a frumpy dumpy Mormon schlub with EXTREMELY clean skin, and introduces an entire nation to the nuances of spread-eagling! And then impersonates a deaf-mute to flee said nation! And then clones her dog 5 times! You know the same ol' story, but join us in this real doo-doo dipper of an episode anyway in unpacking it the best way we know how (drinking an entire bottle of Kinky liqueur and reciting Mormon anti-erection prayers). Content warning: We don't know what Scotland Yard is.