Case 1:25-mj-00138-MAU:

The DC sandwich guy has been charged with assault for shouting at a CBP officer, throwing a sub into his chest, and then running off.

"I did it. I threw the sandwich," he said while he was being processed.

Sandwich Hat:

By the way I know a lot of you think that's not a serious assault but I SAW the video of that CBP agent trying to catch Dunn after getting hit with that sandwich and he was STRUGGLING like when I try to climb a third flight of stairs, look up the eggshell skull rule.

Also let me just remind you to throw any foodstuffs at the more svelte, weaselly-lookin feds because under the felony murder rule if ICE Special Agent Figgus McHiggis has a massive coronary lumbering down the street after you hit him with a Ding-Dong your ass is going down for MURDER son.

Also, protip: Do NOT let Subway or Jersey Mike's or whatever cut your sandwich in half, even if it IS a large. Because if it's in two pieces under Pam Bondi's charging memo that's two predicate acts and you know what that means. RICO.

Also nobody has, as of yet, that I can see, slowed down the footage of my dude throwing the sandwich at the cop and set it to Barber's Adagio for Strings like in Platoon and SON I AM DISAPPOINT.

By the way: in case there is any ambiguity, or someone is tempted so say "Ken seems to be" or "Ken is arguably".....

I am absolutely mocking a federal law enforcement officer for getting hit in the body armor with a sandwich. You can quote me. I am 100% doing that.

Because, you know, both right-wing assholes and useless apologists and minimizers are going to be yelling YOU ARE ENCOURAGING VIOLENCE AGAINST LAW ENFORCEMENT. Asshole, I am encouraging performative defiance of thugs lawlessly deployed to intimidate civilians.

In short, I strongly support gestures of contempt and disrespect for the people carrying out the regime's lawless and contemptible orders, notwithstanding the expectations imposed by our squalid and obsequious cop-fluffing culture.

They suck and they should know we know they suck.

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

A federal grand jury has refused to indict folk hero Sean Charles Dunn on a felony assault charge for allegedly throwing a sandwich at a U.S. Customs and Border Protection officer in Washington, D.C. on August 10.

Previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously.