Many years ago, I fell for a guy who loved the Beastie Boys. From that point on, every Beastie Boys song reminded me of him. This guy took up residence with the Beastie Boys in my brain – and in my heart. As we frolicked through one nineties hit after another – driving around town, getting ice cream, going to movies, and shaking it on the dance floor – more music got added to my boyfriend’s playlist...My Beastie Boy and I created happy musical memories until I discovered that he had been secretly sharing himself with someone else. On the day I found out, a dial in my brain turned off. Now, when a Beastie Boys song came on the radio, I changed the station. No more. None of it. No more nineties pop songs. Nothing that reminded me of him. So much music was suddenly off the air for me. He had complete control of my radio now. Was I going to find myself chained to smooth jazz?

After seeing the man’s body, sharply dressed in khakis and a button-down, accelerate for 400 feet before coming to a dead halt on the pavement with a loud, skull-crushing “thwack,” I thought, “Hey. Maybe my marriage isn’t so bad. At least my husband isn’t involved in a drug cartel." How many marriages have been saved by television? How many of us depend on TV for friendship and support? After all, there is no actual human being who can provide the menu of options available on Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, Hulu, and Sling!

If every woman were like me, the human race would die out quickly. 

Affinity groups...In a sea of people whose skin and hair color match mine, why do I often feel like a fish out of water? 

Do you know who Florian is? He’s the prince from “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.” Prince Florian's name is never mentioned in the movie. He takes a back seat to all the other characters. This is an ode to the Prince Florians in our lives...The guys who make it a point NOT to dominate conversation...The men in the office who give their female colleagues credit...And the husbands who support their wives’ careers. 

Cider...unfiltered, unfettered, unbridled. Juice...cider's purified cousin. How many conflicts are due to a cider-juice disconnect?

A couple of boys in my grade-school class decided to play catch with the Indian desserts that my mom made for our bake sale. 

My husband watches what I not-so-fondly call “The Yelly Guys” shows. You know the ones on ESPN that feature guys (and gals) pontificating about sports? The yelling is usually about who is the GOAT, the greatest of all time. I propose a different kind of sports show – one that celebrates (or at least notices) the decidedly not GOAT-like athletes. 

As you know, biting into an apple can have many consequences…poisoning, slumber, awakening, loss of innocence, gain of knowledge…So, let’s just take one bite at a time and see where it leads us. At the very least, we will get some nourishment and plant some seeds. Thanks for joining me.