Are you stressed? The world and our individual lives can fill us with a sense of dread and foreboding, but how we filter that input makes a big difference in our response to stress. Are we reacting or responding? There is a difference. In the former, I am acting from my hind brain…simply having a reaction that is likely primed from past situations I’ve been in. There is no intervention with mindful thinking or awareness. Just reaction.

Or are you able to take that split second and step back and observe the situation in order to experience it fully, without preset filters of protection? Are you able to rest in your awareness and allow the situation to unfold so that you can make an informed response? You know the difference. A response requires that we use our higher power of reasoning and thinking to fully take in the situation so that our words and behavior reflect a conscious response instead of an automatic reaction. Easy to say. Harder to do.

I think this year is an especially stressful time, given the uncertainty that we all face in the coming years, but the holiday season brings with it its own unique stressors. It’s a time that many look forward to, and to others, a sense of dread overshadows the air. Will we be able to gather with our families? How will everyone get along? Will there be family drama as we gather together again? Will we all fall into our usual scripts or family roles? What about presents? Yes or no? Can we afford the holiday expenditures and giving? How can we move through the season with less stress and more peacefulness?

There are proven methods that we can all use to achieve a calmer mind. The following ideas form a do-it-yourself paced path to train your mind to spend less time haunted by the past and beating ourselves up for what we “should have done,” ”should have said,” or wondering “why, why, why?” These methods can also calm your mind so that you don’t spend so much time worrying about the future. Planning our future is one thing, but worrying about it only causes our present time to be filled with anxiety and perhaps dread.

When we understand how consciousness works, we learn ways to tame it so that it doesn’t run away from us into the past or future. We learn that our current consciousness is formed throughout the process of living: our experiences, perspectives, biases, preferences, outlook and attitude all contribute to how we know the world today. How do those elements that form our consciousness grow and change over the years and is there a way for us to mindfully become aware of the content of our consciousness? Would this awareness help us to become more present in the moment so that we can feel more alive and in control of what goes on in our minds?

Labeling Experiences

As we grew from infancy, our vocabulary grew. Language allowed our species to advance and dominate the earth. Words help us categorize and label things, feelings, events, people and such, bringing a sense of continuity to our lives. The danger lies, however, in identifying with the words we use with the people, places, things, and events that we label.

We might remember something as “scary” or “extremely upsetting” that happened long ago, yet remains with us to this day. When we encounter something similar to it today, we tend to apply the same label to this new situation again even though that was in the past and this one is in your current experience. Along with the labeling we use, our physiology floods our brain and bodily systems with the reactionary chemical cocktail that translates into convincing you that this too is a scary situation. This is useful in some situations, but what happens when we apply our negative expectations to new situations because they are similar to past negative experiences? We are already primed to react as if we are actually being threatened again. This does not allow for a “fully experienced moment” because we have already determined that it is “scary” or “extremely upsetting” and we miss our chance to truly experience what is happening in that moment and engage in a response that is more current.

Too often we identify the things or situations with labels formed in our past. Although these labels are helpful, they also limit our thinking. In his book No Boundary, Ken Wilber described how the words we use make up the maps of our lives. The words we use may describe things for us, but they are not the things themselves. They are simply the names and labels that we’ve used to identify things and situations. They form a belief system that we apply unconsciously to our encounters. We must remember, however, that the map is not the territory.

The territory is simply labeled by the mapmaker–-us. For example, think of any names or labels others have used to describe what they think or feel about you. Are they all accurate? Are some of them demeaning? Does this imply that those descriptions are the truth? Too often, we feel that our beliefs and labels are the truth. Again, the map is not the territory. We need to exercise mindfulness and awareness of the present moment to awaken our consciousness to a higher level.

The hologram can help us to understand the nature of consciousness and thought. All “realities” are there, enfolded and waiting to unfold. When focusing upon one aspect of reality, other realities “fall away”. Yet if we are to reconsider and peer once again into the possibilities awaiting discovery, our previous notions of a situation or reality can be broadened to include all that comes to us. We don’t have to cling to one interpretation or the other. This gives us the opportunity to just see “what is.”

Our pre-set responses to the world have to do with the assumptions that we hold about the world. We expect certain outcomes or we apply particular definitions to events, feelings, or actions. We have good and bad categories that we apply, therefore some things are seen as being favorable to our lives while others are marked as unacceptable. Human experience is a process rather than a stagnant entity. By allowing ourselves to let go of what our ego is trying to convince us of, we are able to come into full contact with all that is. When we do not apply the preset labels to life, we are more able to appreciate the fullness of each moment. We take it in as it is, not as we have believed it to be. We enter situations with an open mind and heart.

Growing Our Awareness

John Welwood wrote, “If you ask yourself how you are feeling right now, the first sense you may have is ‘I don’t know. I’m not sure.’…Learn how to follow and stay with what is still unclear in our felt experience…let it unfold and reveal itself to us. A felt sense is a wider way our body holds or ‘knows’ many aspects of a situation all at once—subverbally, holistically, intuitively. It is concretely felt—in the body—as a sense—something not yet cognitively clear or distinct. It is not yet clear because it contains many aspects of the situation –it needs to be ‘unpacked’ or ‘unfolded.’ Contacting and unfolding the wider felt sense of a situation we are in often leads to important therapeutic changes.”

Quantum physicists tell us that what we see as our “real” world is but the unfolded reality that we have formed. Our reality is based upon the ideas we hold about what is so and how the world works. The potential for other “realities” exist within the enfolded order. There are always many possible interpretations or viewpoints in any given situation. The enfolded reality contains all those possibilities. The unfolded reality is the one we settle upon as being OUR reality.

Mindfulness meditation helps us achieve a greater expanse of conscious awareness by allowing the enfolded realities to reveal themselves in a process of unfolding. Instead of jumping to conclusions, we rest in awareness and allow the reality to unfold. When we don’t apply our own “storylines” or expectations to situations, we allow for the situation to become. Can you see how this alone can alleviate stress that we are feeling?

Jack Kornfield reminds us, “When you meditate…you take all the ego energy and are drawn to some inner place which then stimulates the unconscious. States beyond the ego suddenly arise. The mental training (of meditation) emphasizes…the factor of mindfulness that arises in relation to mental feelings, experiences, without getting caught (up) by them. As that mindfulness grows, it also has the function of deepening samadhi which is not just the samadhi of withdrawal, but samadhi of being very present in daily life moment to moment. Samadhi is a state of equanimity where the intellect goes beyond its normal function of discrimination. This in turn, loosens one from his or her physical body. If mindfulness or awareness is cultivated first, then the mind becomes prepared in a natural way for more difficult exposure to the unconscious.”

In Journey of the Heart, Welwood wrote, “The practice of mindfulness meditation…involves sitting straight, following the breath, and letting thoughts come and go, without trying to control them or direct them in more pleasant directions. As soon as we give up control and let ourselves be in this way, the confusion of churning thoughts and feelings may become more noticeable. When we observe our thoughts we are able to get at what is driving us. We get an intimate sense of the areas of our life where we are afraid, fixated, or grasping too tightly. Meditation provides an opportunity to let this confusion arise and be there, rather than, as therapy does, trying to sort out the confusion.

“Gently bringing our attention back to the breath helps keep us from getting lost in the chaos of thoughts and feelings. We can let the confusion arise without identifying with it. We learn how to ‘keep our seat,’ how not to get thrown or carried away by the wild horse of the mind, but rather to stay alert and keep riding no matter where the mind may go. In so doing, the mind begins to slow down (the horse gets tired!), and we get glimpses of another way of being. Instead of being driven and carried away by our thoughts, we can begin to tap into a deeper, wider awareness. It allows us to see how we are driven by fear, from the uncertainty about who we are amidst the constantly changing flux of life. Meditation provides an opportunity to directly experience how we keep trying to manufacture and hold onto a fixed identity”…(The meditation process)…focuses not on personal issues, but on the nature and process of mind as a whole…it provides a space where we can let ourselves be and thus discover our basic nature (beyond all our stories and problems).” (Welwood, 1983)

Be Kind to Yourself

Maitri is a kind of friendliness with ourselves that is not conditional in any way…instead of trying to get ourselves to live up to how we think we should be, maitri involves accepting ourselves unconditionally and allowing ourselves to be human. Too often we berate ourselves for not living up to our self-expectations or expectations that others hold for us. We want more, we expect more of ourselves and don’t know how to just let ourselves “be.” Perhaps this comes from the constant push we are given throughout life to always better ourselves, to be all we can be, to discover “who we are.” It sets us up for frustration and disappointment. Is it possible to have maitri for ourselves?

Fighting with our feelings only gives them a greater charge of energy, and thus more power over us. If we can make space for whatever feelings arise, allowing them to just be there allows us to become larger than them. It’s not that we ‘rise above them’ but we stretch ourselves to include them. When we can include pain in our lives, it no longer has such a hold over us.

Even when we are confronted with aspects of our personal self that we try to hide, is it possible that we can incorporate these characteristics into our sense of wholeness? Whenever we reject a part of ourselves, we have to numb ourselves in order to ignore its presence, but the numbing process is not selective. As we numb ourselves to one feeling, other feelings get dampened down as well. Thus avoiding pain consequently keeps us from experiencing the fullness of real joy. Numbing is numbing.

Higher consciousness is part of a spiritual movement. When we tend to the nature of consciousness we learn to listen to the soul. We hear ourselves from the inside and find our own truths instead of seeking our truth outside of ourselves or from the external world. Kornfield stated, “…(S)piritual movements (don’t) care that deeply about psychological health. They see it as a passing show. Neurotic symptoms were not necessarily symptoms of disease but rather manifestations of a functional person who now questions seriously the nature of life.”

In summary, meditation and mindfulness can help us achieve a more accepting attitude towards ourselves, others, and life. When we are able to ascertain how consciousness works, we are able to expand our awareness to appreciate and savor each moment that we are given.

Namaste

References

Kornfield, J. Dass, R. & Miyuki, M. (1983). Psychological adjustment is not liberation: A symposium. In Awakening the Heart: East/West approaches to psychotherapy and the healing relationship. pp. 33-42. Ed. John Welwood. Boston: Shambhala.

Welwood, J. (1983). On psychotherapy and meditation. In Awakening the Heart: East/West approaches to psychotherapy and the healing relationship. pp. 43-54. Ed. John Welwood. Boston: Shambhala.

Adapted from the original article published 11-25-23 entitled, “Handling Stress”

Music Credit Acknowledgment:

https://uppbeat.io/t/rahul-popawala/north-indian-alleys

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