This week’s call to Bootstuck begins with a surprisingly large audience gathered to listen in — though most of them quietly leave through the back door before being counted. Conversation turns to local cuisine, including a house mustard recipe featuring red dirt, pine clover, and enough mystery spice to apparently represent half of Asia.

Plans are also underway for the next big Bootstuck reunion, where traditional games include egg-on-a-spoon races and the slightly less traditional sport of water balloons, darts, and minor burns. Safety, the town insists, is taken seriously — thanks to a three-member safety committee consisting entirely of fence posts wearing yellow vests.

Meanwhile, Bootstuck’s law enforcement system is revealed to be a collection of toy badges from a drop box and a shared understanding that most crimes are simply “relocation.” With only two chairs in town — bookable in advance — there isn’t much worth stealing anyway.

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