Are you dealing with a narcissist at home or at work? Is there such a thing as “healthy narcissism?”

Amy often conducts workshops on dealing with difficult people at work. She is currently reading Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed by Wendy Terrie Behary, LCSW. In this episode Robin, Amy, and Gloria discuss traditional narcissism (an undesirable psychological condition) and “healthy narcissism”.

A Narcissist’s World View

This book contains a checklist to find out if you are dealing with a narcissist. Some examples of the thirteen narcissistic traits listed by Behary include:

Self-absorbed (acts like everything is about him or her)?

Entitled (makes the rules and breaks the rules)

Demeaning (puts you down and is bullyish)

Demanding (demands whatever he or she wants)

Demanding (demands whatever he or she wants

Distrustful (is suspicious of your motives when you’re being nice to him or her)

Unempathic (is uninterested in understanding your inner experience or unable to do so)

Healthy Narcissism

“Narcissism sounds like a disaster, doesn’t it? But is narcissism always bad? Actually, it’s not. Healthy narcissism contains the seeds of assertiveness and self-respect. While “healthy narcissism” sounds like an oxymoron, in reality narcissism occurs along a spectrum within the human condition. Embodied in human nature itself is a tendency for narcissistic expression. And that isn’t all bad.”

“So how might we characterize healthy adult narcissists? Typically, they possess many of the following traits and display them frequently and with intensity:

Empathic: They are attuned to the inner world of others.

Engaging: They are charismataic, socially literate, and interpersonally companionable.

Leadership: They can conceptualize a purpose or a vision and can formulate a direction when collaborating with others.

Self-possessed: They are confident and rigorously commtted to generosity and authenticity.

Recognition Seeking: They are fueled by positive approval and motivated to make a difference.

Determined: They can push beyond dense briers of opposition.

Confrontational: They hold others accountable, but without assassinating their souls.

Wisely fearful: They can discern between reasonably disquieting solicitation and destructive seduction.

In this episode Robin mentions the Huffington Post article 5 Things You Didn’t Know About Healthy Narcissism.

Amy also recommends an article called The Toxic Attraction Between an Empath and a Narcissist from the Minds Journal.

Here’s a short animated video from TED that explains narcissism.

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