
What do your sexual fantasies reveal about who you are and what you want? Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D. joins us to discuss his new book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life
In this conversation about the role and meaning of sexual fantasies, we cover:

* the 7 themes of the most common sexual fantasies
* what sexual fantasies mean about our personalities
* the psychological function of sexual fantasy
* how to work with shame and judgment about your own sexual fantasies
* how to talk to your partner about your fantasies

For bonus resources, interactive worksheets about exploring your fantasies and a bonus episode about the difference between fantasy and desire, join The Pleasure Pod and unlock members-only resources
Check out Justin Lehmiller’s insightful blog Sex and Pyschology
 
 




Tell Me What You Want: Exploring Sexual Fantasy with Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D.

Passionate & Compassionate conversations about all areas of sex, love & connection with The Pleasure Mechanics. Explicit, soulful, candid conversations rich with erotic knowledge and know-how.

Personal Journals

Society & Culture

History

Philosophy

Places & Travel

Sexuality

Health

Relationships

Health & Fitness





It’s time to stop dick shaming in all of its forms – from small dick jokes to cruel comments to the hypersexualization of some men and emasculation of others, it is time to call an end to a culture that normalizes dick shaming. 



Thanks to Hims.com/Pleasure for sponsoring this episode. If you want to start the conversation about ED medications and options, head to Hims.com/Pleasure to get started for free. 



This episode was a response to the incredible, vulnerable, honest responses to our Shame Slayers presentation – thank you. For this 25 minute video presentation on Erotic Shame, join the Pleasure Pod for free (and stick around as a sustaining member if you love what we do and want to support our work!)



Continue the Conversation with more Speaking of Sex Podcast episodes




* Reclaiming Soft Penis Pleasures



* Your Body Is Good Enough



* Cockwarming, Docking & Engulfment


Stop Dick Shaming


After peak life experiences, there is often Drop: a physical and emotional experience of let-down, depletion and weariness. Knowing about Drop we can better plan for it and tend to it – so we can get ready for our next peak experience! Tune into this episode to learn about Drop, how we can prepare for it and start developing your own personalized Drop Care plan. 



Thanks To Our Episode Sponsor:




* Explore Dipsea Stories for an immersive erotic soundscapes, explicit stories and more. Use the code PLEASURE for an extended 30 day FREE trial!



* Find discounts and offers from all of our sponsors at PleasureMechanics.com/Toolbox


Dealing with Drop





Shame Slayers, Unite! For the all-new 25 minute video teaching on how to effectively slay the shame and reclaim fearless belonging, please join us for free in the Pleasure Pod! 



Participate in our Shame Slayers Survey here



Thanks To Our Episode Sponsor:




* Get fresh, healthy ready to go meals delivered from Factor Meals, and use the code PLEASURE50 for 50% off your first box and 20% off your second!



* Become a Sustaining Member of the Pleasure Mechanics Community & unlock members-only resources, bonus teachings & more! Join the Pleasure Pod



* Find all of our sponsor offerings at PleasureMechanics.com/Toolbox




Shame is one of the most common sexual struggles. Shame is a social experience of feeling unworthy, unlovable, not belonging or lesser than. Shame tells us we have to hide parts of ourselves to fit in, get along or avoid rejection. Shame tells us we are broken, sinful, gross or otherwise unworthy of belonging.



Shame tells us if we were to be truly ourselves, we wouldn’t belong. Shame lies to us, and holds us all hostage in an invisible web-like grip of cultural myth and misinformation.



While not all shame is sexual shame, almost all of us struggle with some form of sexual shame – from body shame to faith-based shame, from kink shame to genital shame, almost everyone holds some form of shame around their sexuality.



A goal of shame resilience is to help those who feel shame feel empathy, connection, power, and freedom instead, emotions that can be considered the opposite of shame.

Shame Slayers Unite!


Mapping your Peak Erotic Experiences is a powerful practice to mine your personal history for clues to creating a better sex life for your future! 




Love the podcast? Ready for more? 



 Join The Pleasure Pod & Get The Interactive Worksheet & More of the Best of Pleasure Mechanics!   







The Peak Erotic Experiences Practice comes to us from the late great Dr. Jack Morin, author of The Erotic Mind, who suggests that we use our own Peak Erotic Experiences, our sexual “highlight reel” to look for clues about who we are as erotic beings. He proposes that what worked best for you in the past is very likely to work again in the future. This simple but powerful tool puts you in control of naming what turns you on most authentically.



In this exercise, we invite you to use memories of your Peak Erotic Experiences to create a map of the elements of what makes sex hot and memorable for you specifically.



This is a quick interactive experiment that will help you reveal the landscape of your authentic desires. We recommend repeating this exercise at least once a year, and anytime you feel stuck or unsure of what you are craving from your lover.



Map Your Peak Erotic Experiences



1. Spend some time and scan through your erotic history. Then pick one or two Peak Erotic Experiences – these are the moments when sex was the hottest, most satisfying, most fulfilling for you. Allow yourself to focus on those “off the charts” memories – even if they were with an ex, even if they were a long time ago.



2. Remember these experiences in vivid detail. Recall the situation that led up to the encounter, the environment, the mood, the smells. What were you wearing? What language did your lover use? What happened? The more vivid your memory, the more effective your map will be to creating more sex like this in the future.



3. Pick 3 qualities that you want to experience more of. Write them down. Then, you can share with your lover or not, your choice. What is important now is to actively create the conditions that will allow more fulfilling sex in the future. By naming what worked for you in the past, you are poised to recreate those turn-ons in the future.




Now you are ready to begin examining your peak erotic experiences. Think of them using two seemingly mismatched metaphors. Peak turn-ons are precious jewels. To fully appreciate their glittering facets, it is necessary to gaze at them from different angles. Yet peak experiences are also onionlike. As each layer is peeled away you uncover additional information not visible on the surface ~ Dr. Jack Morin, The Erotic Mind


Map Your Peak Erotic Experiences


Erotic Touch Activation is our Pleasure Mechanics process to awaken your touch, activate your hands as erotic tools and sensitize your sense of touch. Erotic Touch Activation allows us to shift out of “working hands mode” where we use our hands for functional touch and into using our hands as erotic tools of sensing, feeling, listening, and creating pleasure.  






Ready for an Erotic Touch Activation? Join us on Sunday March 24 for a live community call and experiential practice session in Erotic Touch Activation practices – enroll for free at PleasureMechanics.com/live



Why wait to ignite your erotic touch? Get started tonight: dive into our erotic touch training here – or go all in for a lifetime of erotic exploration with us with our All Access Pass.



Thanks To Our Episode Sponsor:




* Explore Dipsea Stories for an immersive erotic soundscapes, explicit stories and more. Use the code PLEASURE for an extended 30 day FREE trial!



* Find discounts and offers from all of our sponsors at PleasureMechanics.com/Toolbox


Tell Me What You Want: Exploring Sexual Fantasy with Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D.

Download our free app to listen on your phone