Texan for Linguists; by Katy Jo Parker and Truman ‘Tex’ Beauregard; From Volume CLXI, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2011 — This article is not about the descriptively interesting linguistic features of Texan dialects of English (such as incipient “fixin’”, singular “they”, modal stacking, second person plural “y’all”, “ain’t” and “cain’t”, “bidness”, “coke” for “soda”, etc.) nor is it about any of the interesting Spanish-related linguistic phenomena in Texas (such as “Spanglish”, Chicano and Tejano English, code-switching, or Pachuco slang). (Read by Trey Jones.)