Business English is just like English English, only more twisted and tortured and obfuscatory. If you’re good at it.

Fortunately for our purposes, it is also—almost without exception—incredibly boring.

Welcome to Textbook Sleep, the Maximum-Strength Sleep Aid podcast that reads aloud boring public domain textbooks to help you fall asleep.

Tonight’s textbook, from 1914, is Business English by Rose Buhlig of Tilden High School in Chicago.

We will begin with Part I, Chapter I: Interesting Words. But they are not at all interesting. They will certainly not keep you from falling asleep, practically unable to awaken as if their multisyllabic monotony has cast a magical spell over you that not even the kiss of a handsome prince or princess could break. A dog or cat might do it, however—even a Maximum-Strength Sleep Aid podcast can’t do anything about that.

Let us begin with our new bell chimes that expunge care and worry from all those who hear them.

This recording will end quietly.

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