Have you ever eaten the king of nuts, the budded or grafted paper shell pecan?

That’s the grabber introductory sentence of a sales letter in Business English by Rose Buhlig of Tilden High School in Chicago, published in 1914.

You will not hear me read it, as you will be already sawing logs. But I wanted to give you a little sample of the supreme soporificness of tonight’s lesson on writing.

Welcome to Textbook Sleep, the Maximum-Strength Sleep Aid podcast that reads aloud boring public-domain textbooks to help you fall asleep.

We’ll examine the Introduction, the Salutation, the Courteous Close, even how to fold a letter. This is Buhlig’s dogged thoroughness, a boon for budding salespeople, but even more useful to loyal Textbook Sleep listeners.

Did you know the kernel of the grafted or shell paper pecan is as nutritious as beef and as sweet as honey?

Let’s begin by gently ringing the bronze Vietnamese bells, the signal for us to put aside care and worry—and replace it with approaches to writing a letter requesting payment.

Additionally, have you found that the Holeless Socks are coming up to our guarantee? We feel they merit their popularity. If you need more of them, we can make shipment at once.

This recording will end quietly.

Get full access to Pieces of Jim at jimnolan1.substack.com/subscribe