Before I start to read this ancient Greek historian, who has dependably caused heads to nod for thousands of years, I’d like to remind you not to operate heavy machinery—or even light machinery—while listening to Textbook Sleep, the Maximum-Strength Sleep Aid podcast. It has come to my attention that some young people, as a dare, are listening to the podcast not from the safety of their bed, but while doing ordinary household chores or daily tasks. This has resulted in unfortunate incidents including mixed white and red laundry loads, and badly positioned cutlery in the dishwasher, including spoons that nest. Textbook Sleep cannot be held responsible—passages from Herodotus are too powerfully sleep-inducing to take such chances. Now that you’ve been warned, draw up the covers, and let us begin.

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