We’re going back in time tonight, searching for the dullest of dull writing to put you into a deep sleep. Soon after I begin to read from Principles of Geology by Sir Charles Lyell, M.A., F.R.S.—that is, Fellow of the Royal Society—you will experience something akin to that sensation immediately before your colonoscopy begins. If you count backwards to 10, you won’t make it to nine. Lights out. Sweet dreams. You’ll wake up without any memory of tonight’s procedure. It’s not the fault of Sir Charles. It’s the subject of geology itself. It can only be grasped in geologic timeframes, that is, over millions of years of dedicated study. We have but one night and you won’t be conscious for much of it. Let us go then, shall we, to Naples, Italy, not for its pizza, like any sane person, but to hear about its volcanic vents.

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