Today's show is sponsored by the new, exciting, fully fresh, active lifestyle, pumped super product, a power motivating, logical imperative, all-frills, heavy-duty, unbreakable, satisfaction-guaranteed, collapsible, flame-retardant, dual-use, culturally inclusive, light sensitive, pleasure-absorbent, white knuckle-inducing, highbrow, mildly caffeinated, BPO-free, dishwasher safe, unlimited warranty, implausibly multi-functional, dangerous to wield on rapid-transit but approved nonetheless, partially robotic, light-armor kevlar weave, intangibly mandatory fri