Of all the apostles, John is the only one who can say that he was actually at the cross. The others fled in Gethsemane; Peter left and wept bitterly once he had denied the Lord three times. It appears it was only John that followed all the events. John, it seems, accompanied the mother of Jesus to the cross, with several other women, and remained there the entire time. John gives us close-up of the shame, the pain and the ugliness of the cross in John 19