Have you ever felt the pressure to conform to cultural stereotypes or expectations, whether from your family, society, or yourself? It's a complex and often challenging aspect of our lives that our guest today knows all too well.

In this episode, we're joined by a multi-talented individual, a yoga teacher, triathlete, and actor, Maison Leigh.

They run a yoga company with a unique name, "Death and Yoga." Their story is a journey through diverse identities, immigrant parents, and the struggles of navigating both the expectations of their heritage and the pressure to assimilate into American culture.

Episode Highlights:

Navigating Cultural Identity: Maison’s parents are immigrants from Korea, and they moved to the United States separately. In a candid conversation, we explore the challenges and complexities of growing up in an immigrant household. Maison shares the story of how her parents met and the amusing anecdotes surrounding conflicting stories about their initial encounter. It's a relatable tale of family dynamics and the desire to be a part of someone else's story.

Dealing with Health and Loss: Maison’s journey takes an emotional turn as they open up about her father's battle with cancer, a significant part of her life from her teenage years into adulthood. Her father's health struggles became a defining factor in their upbringing, and she shares the difficult experience of witnessing a loved one's suffering and eventual transition. It's a heartfelt exploration of the impact of illness on family dynamics and personal growth.

Challenging Stereotypes and Assumptions: Throughout the episode, Maison challenges stereotypes and assumptions about Asian Americans. We discuss her experiences growing up in a diverse high school and dispel the myth of the "Tiger Parent." We also share the complexities of being a first-generation Asian American and how societal expectations can influence one's career choices and identity. It's a thought-provoking conversation on the intersection of cultural heritage and personal aspirations.

“I think that tiger parent thing is, it's like that drive for success that lives in this particular way. It's like pushing pushing for perfection and perfection equates to success, which you know, is like just, it's a toxic way to think about it. And it's unhealthy.” - Maison Leigh, The Asian Detox Podcast, S2 E8

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Have you ever felt pressure to look a specific way in order to be accepted? Perhaps this is rooted in the way you were brought up. Was there an emphasis on being thin over being healthy growing up?

Join us for a captivating episode where Hannah Pillow dives into how her mindset around food was formed.

Our guest, Hannah Pillow, the CEO of Wild Purpose Podcast Productions, opens up about her experiences as a first-generation Asian American, the challenges she's faced with body image, food relationships, and the holistic approach to wellness.

In this episode, we discuss:

How Indian culture formed a deep love for food and pleasure

• Hannah discusses how she navigated a deep-ingrained love for food with the expectations that women have to be thin.

Becoming an emotional eater

• Hannah's personal relationship with food and gaining weight through emotional eating from a young age.
• How she has dealt with negative thoughts about food and the impact it has on mental well-being.

The ongoing journey to finding balance and loving herself

• The misconceptions about weight loss and the importance of understanding one's body needs.
• Hannah's experience with different dieting approaches and her pursuit of a balanced lifestyle.

In this emotional and open episode, we explore how our mindset around diet culture is formed and the long-lasting impacts that this can have. Through Hannah's candid sharing, we gain insights into the complexities of identity, the importance of holistic well-being, and the mental challenges that come with striving for self-acceptance.

'It's not even about the weight loss anymore. It's more about the healthier lifestyle. That's the goal. The goal is the healthy lifestyle. And I feel like that starts with accepting and loving myself at any size. And going from there.'

Hannah Pillow, The Asian Detox Podcast S2E7

What does it mean to rest? Are you someone who feels like they need to earn their rest? Or do you believe rest is just a part of life you need to make time for?

In this episode, we have a very special guest, Anastasiya Rutus. Originally from Ukraine and now residing in San Francisco, Anastasiya left her corporate job to pursue self-care and travel. She is a rest coach; focusing on empowering female entrepreneurs to prioritize their well-being and take the breaks they need.

In this episode, we delve into the importance of rest, self-care, and Asian American prosperity. Anastasiya shares her insights on why taking breaks is as vital to the body as vitamins and sunlight. As a rest coach, she guides us on how to cultivate the habit of rest and create sustainable self-care practices. Throughout the episode, we explore the power of asking for help, redefining productivity, and the significance of normalizing rest for Asian Americans.

• The Habit of Rest and Self-Care (3:04): Anastasiya emphasizes the significance of self-care for entrepreneurs, particularly female entrepreneurs, who often struggle as their own harshest bosses. She believes that taking breaks is vital for personal well-being and business success. Anastasiya provides insights on where to find her and the importance of incorporating rest into daily routines.

• The Importance of Prioritization and Accountability (9:12): As a rest coach, Anastasiya discusses the mindset needed to give oneself permission to rest and the individuality of the rest process. She highlights the benefits of working with a coach and how it helps with better prioritization and the courage to ask for help.

• Start Small and Embrace Sustainable Self-Care (12:29): Anastasiya advises to start with micro-movements when building the habit of rest. She emphasizes that there is no right or wrong way to rest, and each person's needs are unique. The key to sustainable self-care is accepting help and support in various forms.

Anastasiya Rutus's journey from leaving her corporate job to becoming a rest coach is a powerful reminder of the importance of self-care, especially for Asian Americans striving to break out of societal norms. By normalizing rest and prioritizing well-being, Anastasiya aims to help others lead more fulfilled and productive lives. Remember, taking breaks and practising self-care are essential components of a successful and healthy lifestyle.

"Rest coaching is not about telling them how many hours they need to sleep, but reminding them that they deserve rest and love." - Anastasiya Rutus

Follow Anastasiya Rutus here:

www.rest.coach

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We talk about boundaries all the time, it’s a word we often throw around and have some idea about what it means.

Yet putting it into practice tends to be a whole other thing. Our host, TJ Wey, reflects on how zhe understands and has a great understanding of the concept of boundaries, yet when it comes to practicing it with zir family, that’s just really difficult to implement.

Our guest, Allison Ly, is a therapist with her own practice and soon-to-be course creator, who is an expert on setting and implementing boundaries, especially within the Asian community.

This episode explores:

• Allison's upcoming course on boundaries and its significance for first and second-generation Asian American adults. The conversation delves into the challenges of setting boundaries within Asian families and the importance of self-reflection.

• We discuss the misconception that setting boundaries means cutting people off and highlight alternative approaches to preserve relationships.

• The episode concludes with a reflection on the need for more options and awareness of the choices available to navigate complex family dynamics.

If you are someone who is trying to implement boundaries with your very Asian family, this is an episode for you.

"A myth that I think it's really important to talk about is that boundaries and really setting limits doesn't have to involve cutting people off, but it could just be like a pause. It could be we're not talking about this thing. And that is to preserve the actual relationship, right if we want to."

Allison Ly, The Asian Detox Podcast, S2 E4

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Trigger Warning: This episode includes descriptions of self-harm 

We can often show one face to the world, and another in the shadows…

This episode takes a dive into what happens in the shadows and how overcoming the shame of self-harm and depression helped Karen move forward.

Join TJ Wey and Karen Zheng as they explore the unique challenges faced by Asian Americans, including the influence of immigrant parents and cultural stigmas that exacerbate the issues related to self-care and identity. The conversation sheds light on the difference between personal struggles and inherent flaws, emphasizing the importance of understanding learned behaviors from a young age.

In this episode:

• Karen reflects on their college experience, where therapy was made available through insurance coverage, shedding light on the broader issue of affordability. They help us to discover alternative tools and activities individuals can use to manage their mental health.
• We explore the competitive nature of high school and the prevalent "complaining as connection" phenomenon within the Asian community. The podcast also highlights the host's transition from a diverse neighborhood to a predominantly white college, prompting a deep exploration of their own racial identity.
• Karen bravely shares their journey of mental health struggles, including experiences with self-harm and coping mechanisms developed during high school. We discuss the role of punishment strategies, seeking pain as a distraction, and grounding techniques. 

Through candid conversations, we navigate the complexities of mental health, cultural barriers, and the challenges of seeking support within Asian American families.

Join us as we unpack the stigma, shame, and silence surrounding mental health in the Asian American communities, providing insights, support, and hope for those navigating similar journeys.

“And then she (my mother) was like, Karen, you don't like girls, right? And I was like, holy f***. And she was like, as long as you don't like girls… Everything's okay.” 

• Karen Zheng, The Asian Detox Podcast, S2 E3

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If you are an Asian American looking to get pregnant, or even know someone who might be prone to high-risk pregnancy, this is an episode not to be missed.

In this episode, TJ Wey interviews Parijat Deshpande, who has both personal and professional experience in helping women through high-risk pregnancies, emphasizes the need to challenge assumptions and take an active role in your medical care. 

An OBGYN or any other healthcare professional might tell you, being informed about your high-risk pregnancy is crucial, but often, the information may not be readily available, as Parijat and many of her clients have learnt. 

In this Episode:

• We discuss the significance of having open conversations with your medical team to fully understand what it means to have a high-risk pregnancy and why it matters. 
• We provide insights into trauma as a physiological response to past threats and the challenges faced by individuals with medical trauma. 
• We discuss the complexities faced by those undergoing high-risk pregnancies, who often require medical interventions and must reenter a system that has caused them previous harm.
• And, with major cultural differences acknowledged, we explore the role of family and loved ones in supporting individuals during high-risk pregnancies, from emotional support to assisting in medical appointments and acting as allies during difficult conversations. 

Tune in for a comprehensive discussion on high-risk pregnancies, trauma, self-advocacy, and the importance of supportive networks.

“You get to choose who's in the room. At the time of delivery. You get to choose who comes to your appointments, who was privy to the summary of how your appointments went or your blood test results, your ultrasound results and you get to choose who you share the name with. You get to share and choose who gets to come visit the baby. You are at the top of that pyramid. You have choices.”

Parijat Deshpande, The Asian Detox Podcast, S2 E2

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Family drama in our Asian cultures can be… a lot!

I mean K-dramas get their inspiration from reality, right?

In this episode, TJ is interviewed by Hannah Pillow, the host of the Releasing the Shoulds Podcast. 

They discuss TJ's experience of grieving the loss of zer grandmother and how it challenged zer expectations of the grieving process and family dynamics which led to feeling like zhe was in a K-pop drama!

In this episode, we explore:

• TJ's personal journey of returning to zer family after a prolonged period of being away, only to feel like an outsider and struggle to fit in. 
• TJ's initial reaction to learning about zer grandmother's passing and the difficulties faced in processing the news. 
• TJ shares zer realization that their sadness and tears stem from grieving the concept of a healthy family unit, which zhe had hoped for but didn't experience in the way the media often portrays it, especially for non-white Americans.

Overall, this episode is a candid and introspective exploration of TJ's experience navigating grief, family dynamics, and cultural expectations.

It sheds light on the complex emotions and challenges faced by Asian Americans in dealing with loss and finding their own path to healing and understanding.

‘The realization I came to was that I'm sad I'm crying about stuff because I'm grieving the concept that my family is like a healthy family unit or that it was getting there. Growing up in America, clearly I went home with some kind of expectation of how like the grieving process would look and it didn't look like that for me.’

TJ Wey, The Asian Detox Podcast, S2 E1

Check out Hannah's podcast here:

https://linktr.ee/refreshinglyhuman

Keep up to date with TJ's work on LinkedIn:

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Have your life choices changed since leaving home? Do you feel like it took you longer to work out who you really are and what you care about than some of your non-Asian American peers?

For many of us, the academic pressure we experience during our school years as Asian Americans leaves us no time to explore our identity and gain a deeper understanding of who we are and what we want. As a result, many of us make choices about the next steps in our lives that aren’t rooted in our desires (more often in our parents).

In the final episode of Season 1 of the Asian Detox Podcast, TJ Wey discusses zir experience of a toxic high school, the behaviors and habits that were fostered, and how for many Asian Americans gaining an understanding of who they are and what they want from life only happens when they have emancipated themselves from their family and community of origin, highlighting:

• How growing up with the “model minority” stereotype as an Asian American can create a distressing experience of school that can leave scars
• How “negative pride” stops us from asking for help and other unhealthy behaviors instigated by the model minority stereotype
• The ambitious nature of Asian American kids and how it impacts our experience of education and ourselves
• How the identity quest typically experienced during teenage years is often deferred to a later time in life for Asian Americans due to the pressure we face during our school years
• The importance of balancing our ability to work hard with self-care and health-fostering lifestyle habits

“A lot of us changed dramatically from who we were in high school to who we are now. Some of us reclaimed our Asian names, some of us have come out since then - all of these things are things we should have been exploring when we were in high school and we didn’t have time, it wasn’t our priority - we pushed down our selves. We made ourselves so busy that we couldn’t be introspective, we couldn’t figure out who we were.”

TJ Wey

S1 E12, Asian Detox Podcast

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Do you feel like you have agency over your responses to life? Do you allow your emotions to surface and treat them as useful information?

All of us are socialized to respond to life in certain ways; through our families of origin, our culture of origin, and the dominant culture in which we live. Often, we need quite a lot of awareness and deconditioning to shift into a way of doing life that feels like it fits who we are, rather than what's expected of us.

In episode 11 of the Asian Detox Podcast, TJ Wey and guest Dr Amanda Chan discuss how childhood experiences form adult behavior, the emotional baggage we have inherited as Asian Americans, what connection looks like in Asian families, and working with emotions, highlighting:

• How our Asian parent upbringing ends up incentivizing our behavior as adults
• The gender divide we were raised with, how that impacted us and how we can change that pattern with our children
• The wisdom available for letting things be, viewing chance occurrences as possibilities for growth and framing life in a more positive way
• Our sense that we have to "earn our place" in the world as immigrants and the ways our Asian parents foster connection within the family and beyond
• The role of emotion in healing and the cultural heritage of moving energy through the system in Tai Chi

"We're given a whole range of emotions so that we can use them and experience them and then change them, but they are just forms of energy. Things are always going to happen to you. There's no time in life that they're not, but you decide how you react to them. We need to know that we have more power than we think we do."

Dr Amanda Chan

S1 E11, Asian Detox Podcast

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Do you feel constricted by the dominant Asian American stereotype?

Growing up with two or more cultural influences can create expectations (both internal and external) about how we should show up in the world; liberating ourselves from those expectations creates the space for us to become who we really are.

In episode 10 of the Asian Detox Podcast, TJ Wey and guest Julia Huang explore the invitation of polyculturalism, the richness of culture that results from embracing diversity rather than homogeneity and encountering the conversation around race as Asian Americans, highlighting in particular:

• The difficulties of living internationally, integrating, and feeling “at home” somewhere as a multicultural person
• The importance of “narrative plenitude” and the many stories that represent aspects of every culture, rather than a single stereotype
• Encountering racism and the conversation around race in America as Asian Americans (even when we don’t really know what that means)
• What is polyculturalism, how it differs from multiculturalism and how young Americans are becoming hypercultural
• How culture, art and media influence our identities and the positive and negative outcomes of that

“The world is so much more interesting; the world is so much better because of diversity. Right? What a boring world it would be if everything was just one way of thinking!”

Julia Huang

S1 E10, Asian Detox Podcast

Find Julia Huang on Instragram:

https://www.instagram.com/j_huang/

Follow Julia on LinkedIn:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/julia-y-huang-178960/

Keep up to date with TJ's work on Linked in:

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Follow TJ on Facebook:

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Work with TJ - Generational Wealth Building Money Mentorship

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