Sometimes my heart hurts too much to sing, to make music. Sometimes my feet hurt too much to walk. Sometimes all I try to ease the pain doesn’t work, and life takes more than it puts back. Sometimes I can’t think of a damn thing that would make it better that I can actually do with what I have, internally and externally. I don’t know what would make it easier. I don’t believe in people right now. Humans… not living up to the hype for me. Taking more than putting back. Why should I bother? And I think: this is how we all got this way. We weren’t good enough, so we gave up trying. We couldn’t take it anymore, so we stopped giving. The promise of love was an illusion, the price for something broken too high, so we stopped shopping and tried to invent for ourselves something that, even if it didn’t work, was not a result of someone else’s failure, and not a humiliation shared. Letting myself down induces less helpless despair than letting others down, and being let down by others. I’m still alive. This is the best I can do right now.