On this episode of TheFemmeCast, I share with you my personal experience as an empathic people pleaser, and how these two seemingly harmless characteristics have undoubtedly shaped my life and my relationships. 

Being an empathic people pleaser is both a blessing and a curse, and trust me when I tell you that I’ve felt both sides of that coin. The blessings include a much deeper understanding of people and the ability to really tune into their emotional state and needs. This is such a blessing to your relationships, not to mention how good it feels for you, when the people around you are feeling good. Afterall, it obviously means that you’ve done something right, right? 

But what happens when they’re not feeling good? What happens when they’re feeling hurt, sad, angry, frustrated and disappointed? What happens then? 

What happens is that you can actually start to feel these emotions as your own and have no clue as to why you’re actually feeling them. Most of all, it can leave you endlessly trying to figure out exactly what it is that you’ve done wrong. Even when the emotions have absolutely nothing to do with you. And that is a really triggering space to be in.

In this episode I share how my empathic people pleasing tendencies were seriously triggered in my workplace recently. It’s been a pretty stressful time at work, and my colleagues and I have all been under a lot of pressure. As a result, all that stress and angst that I was picking up on made me feel like it was all somehow my fault. Or at least a good chunk of it anyway.

In the past, feelings like this would have led me to take some very self-destructive actions. Whether it was having an emotional meltdown, blowing up at someone, or quitting my job, or all of the above. But this time I resolved to take no action. At least not until that triggered feeling went away. This was so that I could respond appropriately and so that I wouldn’t bring any weird or funky energy into the situation. 

Unexpectedly, the universe rewarded me for my patience in the form of a beautiful message from a friend and a really rewarding conversation with my boss. All of which confirmed how grossly I was misreading the situation. And I truly believe that it was being intentional about focusing on myself and sitting in the discomfort of nonaction, that made all the difference. 

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