In this episode we’re talking about moving from 'Passive Spectator' to 'Lead Architect.' We are diving into a movement that treats fatherhood with the same level of intentionality as a high-stakes professional venture. We will explore how to close the 'engagement gap' and build a relationship with our children that is rooted in more than just shared DNA.

Joining us is Jon Hord, the founder of The Engaged Father Project. Jon is on a mission to help men reclaim their place at the center of their families, providing the tools and the blueprints necessary to build a lasting legacy.

To learn more about The Engaged Father Project or get coaching visit: https://theengagedfatherproject.com/

Join me, Jon and The Engaged Fatherhood Project community on school at: https://www.skool.com/the-engaged-father-project-9143/about

Special thanks to Smile Online Course & Books for sponsoring this episode. To learn more visit: https://thefatherhoodchallenge--smileteenskills.thrivecart.com/social-career-skills-accelerator/

Create your podcast today! #madeonzencastr

https://zencastr.com/?via=thefatherhoodchallenge

00:06.52

Jonathan Guerrero

In the world of business, we wouldn't dream of launching a major initiative without a blueprint, a strategy, and a dedicated team. We track our metrics. We pivot when things aren't working and we stay engaged until the project is a success.

00:22.04

Jonathan Guerrero

But for many of us, when we walk through our own front doors at the end of a long day, we go on autopilot. We become present absent dads physically in the room, but mentally we're elsewhere.

00:36.82

Jonathan Guerrero

We've mastered the art of being a provider, but we've forgotten the art of being a participant. Fatherhood isn't something that should just happen to us. It's a role that requires our best thinking, our highest energy, and a relentless commitment to showing up, not just for the big moments, but for the messy, quiet, and mundane ones in between.

00:59.83

Jonathan Guerrero

Today, we're talking about moving from a passive spectator to a lead architect. We are diving into a movement into a movement that treats fatherhood with the same level of intentionality as high-stakes professional ventures.

01:15.26

Jonathan Guerrero

We will explore how the engagement gap, we will explore the engagement gap and build a relationship with our children that is rooted in more than just shared DNA. And we're going to explore all of this in just a moment, so don't go anywhere.

01:31.88

Jonathan Guerrero

Greetings, everyone. Thank you so much for joining me. Thank you so much for joining me. And also joining us is John Horde. John is the founder of the Engage Father Project.

01:42.74

Jonathan Guerrero

John is on a mission to help men reclaim their place at the center of their families, providing the tools and the blueprints necessary to build a lasting legacy.

01:53.46

Jonathan Guerrero

John, welcome to the Fatherhood Challenge.

01:55.99

Jon Hord

ah Thank you so much for having me on, Jonathan. I do appreciate it.

02:00.28

Jonathan Guerrero

John, i got to ask, what is your favorite dad joke?

02:06.20

Jon Hord

um Okay, here goes. What do you call a fish that wears bow tie?

02:12.69

Jonathan Guerrero

What do you call a fish that wears a bow ti I've never heard this one.

02:18.03

Jon Hord

Sophisticated. Okay.

02:19.77

Jonathan Guerrero

love this one.

02:23.99

Jonathan Guerrero

love this one

02:30.78

Jonathan Guerrero

So good.

02:31.86

Jon Hord

Yeah.

02:33.73

Jonathan Guerrero

Now I got to share this one with my son.

02:38.01

Jonathan Guerrero

Well, John, what is the story behind why and how you started the Engage Father Project?

02:46.58

Jon Hord

Well, i i worked um in a corporate job for about 20 years. It was like 18 and a half years. And I was on this path that so many people are familiar with, right? It was sort of that American dream path. you know Go to school and get good grades and go to college and get a job and make a good living, start a family, get promoted,

03:11.77

Jon Hord

make as much money as you can and then retire. Right. It was that it was on that track and, you know, had some kids, two kids along the way. And I got to a point where, you know, the material boxes were being checked. Right.

03:30.74

Jon Hord

And it was like, well, I should feel really happy and fulfilled, right? Because I've been working for so long to get to this point. It was like I was running toward a finish line or like, you know, running on a rainbow looking for that pot of gold. And I got to the end where it's like, well, it should be here, right?

03:49.08

Jon Hord

And not only was it not there, But my life was filled with more stress and more anxiety than I'd ever been experiencing. And it was significantly affecting, you know, not only me, but my ability to be the husband that I wanted to be for my wife and the father that I wanted to be for my kids. And so it was this really painful and jarring experience.

04:16.54

Jon Hord

moment or really I refer to it now as an opportunity as hard as it was i wouldn't give that that moment in time or that crisis or whatever label you want to put on it I wouldn't give it back for anything because it allowed me to basically kind of push pause, pick my head up, look around and ask myself, like is this is this the life that i want to continue to lead? Because the the path I was on was incredibly secure. um Worked for a company, like over 600 employees.

04:52.02

Jon Hord

A hundred year old business, family, privately owned. um I started there part time and made my way up to vice president. I was going on trips with the chairman of the company. like it was yeah It was as secure as anything could be. And for a long time, like I was chasing security. I thought that would make me really feel fulfilled.

05:12.82

Jon Hord

And I just was able to see that it's, that wasn't the life that I wanted to continue to lead. And so I made a huge change and I left that job. I went and got certified as a life coach and then started the engaged father project.

05:30.58

Jon Hord

And with the help of some really incredible people, um there's actually a really interesting story with how the idea for the engaged father project came to be. So,

05:41.28

Jonathan Guerrero

I'd love to hear that. What what is the story behind that?

05:45.14

Jon Hord

So this, the life coaching certification program that I went through was really intensive and transformational. It was about a 10 month process and you do a ton of work on yourself and then you kind of learn how to be a coach and how to help other people. And it was going through the transformative part of that process was, was literally life changing for me. And so um i get my certification and I'm calling myself a success coach at that point. And I want to help people, you know, not defer happiness until retirement. Right. Like if you're working toward all these things and you have these goals and how you want life to be like, let's not just wait until you're 65 or 68 to get that. Let's figure out ways that you can feel that way earlier on in life. And that was the path that I was going down. And I had some clients and it was starting to work.

06:37.91

Jon Hord

But one of my peers um out of the blue, one of the one of the people that I went through this coaching certification program with, and I was very close with them, they sent me an email.

06:48.38

Jon Hord

And they said, hey, John, I was vacuuming. And I had a thought that I'd like to share with you if you're open to hearing it. And I really trusted this person. And so I said, yeah, of course. And so we jumped on a call.

07:02.04

Jon Hord

And she proceeds to tell me this idea. And she said, John, we spent so much time together sharing like really deep and honest and vulnerable things about ourselves.

07:14.94

Jon Hord

And all along the way, you kept talking about how you wanted to improve yourself and it was for the benefit of your kids. And she's like, I don't know if you realized that common theme, but I heard it the entire time.

07:31.32

Jon Hord

And she's like, I think you would be really good at helping other dads do this same type of work. And the rest is history.

07:42.71

Jon Hord

i i I pivoted and I said, this is, she's right. This is the thing. It was like a, it was a lightning bolt moment where the clarity was just there. And I, and I knew, and it basically, i i tell people now that I have found my calling. It's like, I was a puzzle. ah I was a puzzle piece and i found myself.

08:08.22

Jon Hord

the shape that matches me. And now the puzzle piece is in the slot.

08:13.54

Jonathan Guerrero

Isn't that so cool when you finally first you figure out your identity, who you are, and then you figure out your purpose in life. And that's what lights you up. And that's what gets you out of bed in the morning. You know what you're supposed to be doing and you're excited to do it.

08:30.62

Jonathan Guerrero

And you know that you're the one that's supposed to do that specific task that no one else is suited for it like you are.

08:41.62

Jonathan Guerrero

And your life experience has been shaping you to fit that piece.

08:48.92

Jon Hord

yeah it's ah It's remarkable, honestly. um It feels completely different than anything else that I've done in my life. And you know I keep getting very regular reminders in a good way where it's like, you are amazing.

09:05.94

Jon Hord

right where you need to be. And to to have that sense of realization, yeah, like it just um it's like I've got an unlimited battery to just keep going down this path because I know this is what I'm supposed to be doing. And every time i have an interaction or I just hear a story from one of these fathers that I've worked with and they talk about the difference that they're making at home and with their families, like, um, it just, it puts me over the moon.

09:38.49

Jon Hord

It's, it's, it's priceless. And, um, I had that happen, um, just at the tail end of last week. Um, one of the people that went through the program that I offer, we, we're now friends and we stay in contact and we talk every week. Um,

09:54.39

Jon Hord

And we had a call at the tail end the last week and it was just sort of a catch up call. But he said, Hey, I got to tell you something that happened yesterday morning. And he goes on to tell me the story. And he said, John, you're, you're in my head in a good way. And you're helping me through these really challenging moments with my family. And I'm making different decisions. And then I'm able to see like these moments in time that wouldn't have existed with my kids before it wouldn't have been possible if I wouldn't have changed the way that I act and that I think in like, just to hear another fine. He, it, these dads that I work with, like they're good dads. Like I'm not working with people that just don't have a clue. They care a whole lot, but they are aware enough and they care enough to raise their hand and say, i know that I don't have all the answers.

10:51.22

Jon Hord

And I know that getting some support here is worth its weight in gold because any way that I can show up as a better dad for my kids, my kids mean so much to me that I'm willing to do the work. And ah to to be reminded of how that plays out in real time for these dads, is it's um it's remarkable.

11:17.08

Jonathan Guerrero

I love that. I love that. I can relate to your story. i i'm on I was on the other side of it. you As far as your career was concerned, you were on the white-collar side. I was on the blue-collar side. I came out of a trucking career.

11:32.47

Jonathan Guerrero

i loved what I did. i was really good at it, and I made a lot of money doing it. It was a very secure career for me and for my family. And i was big on the whole provider thing. I took a lot of pride in that and bringing home that really big paycheck.

11:50.42

Jonathan Guerrero

But I was gone all the time.

11:54.05

Jon Hord

Mm-hmm.

11:54.20

Jonathan Guerrero

um It was that theres we talk about this physical presence and this emotional presence. And I was gone for both. When I was home, I was asleep most of the time trying to get myself physically recovered to go back out and do the same thing all over again. So I wasn't present with my family emotionally or physically. It wasn't much of a of a family life at all.

12:21.53

Jonathan Guerrero

and And I've shared my story. i ah I won't share the whole story here. But when i left my trucking career, And I went home and I changed careers into one where I am home a majority of the time.

12:38.65

Jonathan Guerrero

And my earning potential and my earnings are about the same as what they were in trucking, working far fewer hours. And it is so worth it.

12:51.61

Jonathan Guerrero

I have absolutely no regrets. And every day I get up out of the bed and and like you, I found my purpose. I know exactly why I'm on this earth, what I'm supposed to be doing. And I know that I am the one that's supposed to be doing that.

13:10.68

Jonathan Guerrero

And there's nothing like waking up to that. And then the other part is that the other part of that is walking out into your into the living room, out into your home, when you get up in the morning and you see your kids and you see your your wife, your family, there's your purpose as well.

13:27.77

Jonathan Guerrero

Right there in front of you. That is your purpose.

13:31.10

Jon Hord

is

13:31.86

Jonathan Guerrero

There's just nothing like it.

13:35.22

Jon Hord

Yeah, that's remarkable. And i mean, good for you for making that shift. um Was there a very specific and I know you don't want to retell the whole story, but I'm curious, like, was there a specific moment in time where the scales tipped for you and you knew that you needed to make this change?

13:54.87

Jonathan Guerrero

Uh, okay. So that, that pulls in a spiritual component to it, uh, which I'm definitely glad to share personally. No, I, it was not even remotely on my radar.

14:05.65

Jonathan Guerrero

I was, I was, uh, all in on my trucking career. There was no deterring me as far as if you would have asked me back then, I would have told you that is my purpose.

14:17.38

Jonathan Guerrero

This is what I'm here to do.

14:18.20

Jon Hord

yes

14:20.12

Jonathan Guerrero

I do it better than most drivers and I could back that up. And I was, i was really good at it. I loved what I did. I had no interest in leaving.

14:31.54

Jonathan Guerrero

um you know, and that gets into a whole another story for another time, but I did end up going through a pretty deep spiritual crisis. And, um, and that was where God met me.

14:44.73

Jonathan Guerrero

And, um,

14:47.76

Jonathan Guerrero

for lack, I guess the best way to put it, he restored me. He restored my life, restored me to my identity, restored me to my purpose. And that's when he made it pretty clear to me that trucking was not my purpose.

15:03.64

Jonathan Guerrero

Um,

15:03.83

Jon Hord

That word, that word restore is so beautiful and powerful. Like I could, uh, I could, I could feel the the gravity and the weight of that word when you used it. And I think that is, uh,

15:19.77

Jon Hord

I think that's something that a lot of people may be able to apply to their life or just maybe think through that lens that you just described, like, what would restoration look like for me?

15:35.06

Jon Hord

then I mean, and obviously it's it's going to be unique to everybody.

15:35.48

Jonathan Guerrero

Interesting.

15:38.70

Jon Hord

Some people are ready for a change. Some people aren't. And, you know, all of this work that I do with people, it is it's free of judgment. Right. I don't I don't tell people like, hey, come do what I do.

15:51.34

Jon Hord

It's that's not that's not how I support people. It's just helping people live now in a way that they're going to be proud of later in life. I always come back to this like when I'm in my 70s or when I'm in my 80s and I'm sitting on some dock somewhere and it's beautiful out and I'm reflecting back on my life.

16:20.30

Jon Hord

i'm I'm telling you now here today, and I feel this every day, i am going to be so proud of the way that I lived my life, especially when it comes to the effort and the intention that I put in with my kids.

16:35.19

Jon Hord

I don't do everything perfect. I am flawed like the rest of us, and i mess up all the time, but I'm i'm always looking for ways that I can improve. And if there was just something that I could pass on to everybody, it would be that just to, to admit that we don't have it all figured out and that it's totally okay to do that because nobody tells us how we're supposed to parent and just find ways to get better.

17:06.78

Jon Hord

We can all do better. And I'm uplifted when I think about things that way. And I would love ah other people to be able to to try that if they're not already.

17:20.70

Jonathan Guerrero

I like that word you use, better, better, better, better. Not perfect, better. Better every day in some way than you were yesterday.

17:31.35

Jonathan Guerrero

None of us are perfect.

17:31.74

Jon Hord

Mm-hmm.

17:32.23

Jonathan Guerrero

None of us are going to be. And that takes a lot of pressure off. Just be better. Just take one step forward in a direction in improving yourself.

17:43.48

Jonathan Guerrero

Pick an area and aim for it. And even if you miss, you still aimed, try again the next day.

17:50.79

Jon Hord

That's right. You learned.

17:52.89

Jonathan Guerrero

And know that you're not alone.

17:52.98

Jon Hord

Yeah, there's a.

17:54.49

Jonathan Guerrero

There's so many other dads out there that are also intentional about doing the exact same thing that you're trying to do. So don't do it alone.

18:04.09

Jon Hord

Right. You can if you want to, but you don't have to. And there's a tremendous um energy and power. and And all of these things that come along with doing it with other people, um it's it's really special. and it And it definitely adds a different dimension to the work. That's for sure.

18:26.74

Jonathan Guerrero

So in any project, communication with your partner is key. How does a dad's increased engagement at home change the marriage dynamic? And how do you navigate the gatekeeping that sometimes happens when a dad starts taking more initiative?

18:42.89

Jon Hord

Hmm. That's a great, that's a great question. And I think I heard two questions in there. So can we attack those one at a time? All right.

18:49.78

Jonathan Guerrero

Absolutely. Absolutely.

18:50.97

Jon Hord

Lay the first one on me.

18:54.01

Jonathan Guerrero

All right, so the first one has to do with engagement at home. So therere sometimes when you try to communicate with your partner and you're not used to having a good, solid communication dynamic, and now you're trying to...

19:10.01

Jonathan Guerrero

Like for me, I relate to this because all of a sudden, you know, I'm i' am home. I left my trucking career and now I'm home a lot to make decisions.

19:20.89

Jonathan Guerrero

i'm I'm home to take charge and to do things in many different areas. And my wife was weirded out for a little bit.

19:29.78

Jon Hord

this shit

19:31.13

Jonathan Guerrero

And I struggled with that communication, how to communicate with her. And she struggled with what do I do with this? Who is this guy? How do you navigate that part?

19:43.29

Jon Hord

Well, I mean, i can't, all I can do is answer, i guess, for myself, because again, everybody's situation is different, but I, I think my approach is kind of universal in that, know,

19:57.75

Jon Hord

When we can communicate at a very open and honest level and we can put our our pride off to the side and our ego, if we can move that out of the way and we can start to communicate in a very open and sometimes vulnerable way,

20:19.96

Jon Hord

I think that just unlocks so many doors. And not only does it open up like new lines of communication, but it changes how communication feels. Like when you know like there's this level of trust with your partner where you could just go say like, hey, i'm I'm struggling with something and I'd like to share it with you.

20:42.61

Jon Hord

And a lot of guys, i think, take on the role of being a fixer. I certainly know that i um assumed that role for a very long time. And so i would be really quick to offer suggestions, like with great intentions, obviously. you know I love my wife dearly and i and I want to help, but that's not what's always needed in the moment. So yeah.

21:07.09

Jon Hord

I think going into those conversations, not knowing that you have to necessarily fix things, but you can ask, ask your partner. Like, let's say they said, hey, I'm really struggling with something and I think we should sit down and talk.

21:22.33

Jon Hord

Okay, great. Let's do that. Ask the question. Like, hey, before we have this conversation, Are you able to tell me like how I can support you with this conversation?

21:34.07

Jon Hord

And somebody told me once about the three H's. Do you want to just be heard? Do you want to be held Or do you want to be helped?

21:45.40

Jon Hord

And maybe there's some other options, but like just put yourself in the shoes of your wife. like If she is struggling with something and she says she wants to have a conversation and that's the question that she's met with. like The husband's saying, like yes, let's talk. And before we do, what can I do that's going to give you what you need right now in this moment? And you're laying a foundation for open and honest communication.

22:12.57

Jon Hord

and ah It's easier said than done. right like um you know It takes practice to not get defensive if we hear something. like If we're working hard and we're stressed and you know we as fathers have all these good intentions, if we hear some feedback about something that doesn't feel good, it stings.

22:35.19

Jon Hord

it stings um And it's really easy to get defensive and say, well well, yeah, but, or you have no idea or whatever it may be. But just having the awareness to feel like to feel that response, like getting ready to come up and out and just to say, like okay, i'm just goingnna I'm just going to push pause on that. And I'm just going to continue to listen or ask really like honest and curious questions.

23:06.65

Jon Hord

I think that's where the magic is. Right. And that's not a revelation to say that good communication is important for a successful marriage, but it's not something that we can just wander into.

23:19.45

Jon Hord

It's it, it takes effort and it takes being intentional.

23:27.70

Jonathan Guerrero

I absolutely love that. The communication part of it, being open and leaving leaving space for your wife to be able to express her feelings about the change, I think is is super important. So I really appreciate what you had to say on that.

23:47.10

Jonathan Guerrero

Changing gears a little bit. You talk about being an an engaged father. But for many, like I can really relate to this. When I came off the road and then I came home, I had to learn how to be engaged because it wasn't intuitive to me.

24:04.06

Jonathan Guerrero

i couldn't quite get the hang of it. I wanted to, I just wasn't used to it. So I would go through, maybe you would consider them withdrawal symptoms, going back into old habits that were familiar and comfortable.

24:19.00

Jonathan Guerrero

So how do you, what do you suggest a dad that's trying to come home in multiple senses of that word? What do you suggest that that dad do to try to unlearn some of those habits and develop new habits of being engaged?

24:37.91

Jon Hord

Well, I think, and you, you touched on it, um, in the intro about how, you know, so many dads, they know how to be a good provider. Um, I think a lot of dads have career or professional goals. Would you agree with that?

24:59.80

Jonathan Guerrero

Absolutely. Yes.

25:01.50

Jon Hord

And then the same to be said for financial goals that like most dads have very clear cut goals and objective goals when it comes to finances. but like Would you agree with that as well?

25:13.59

Jonathan Guerrero

Yes, for sure.

25:16.12

Jon Hord

But then... Curiously, um in my experience, most dads don't have a clear cut goal on what it looks like to to be the type of dad that they want to be for their kids, other than what gets passed around so often, which is like being a quote unquote good dad, right?

25:32.05

Jonathan Guerrero

Yeah.

25:37.80

Jon Hord

You hear it all time.

25:38.07

Jonathan Guerrero

yeah

25:38.93

Jon Hord

He's good dad. What does that mean? Yeah.

25:45.14

Jon Hord

I don't know what it means to be a good dad. People would tell me, excuse me, i I, refer to the old me, the old dad, and then like this new version of me and my kids even use that as well. And like, it's incredible to hear them point things out, like how old dad would have handled things like that, that comment coming front of your own kids is life changing.

26:11.38

Jon Hord

But the old version of me was a good dad. But is that is that where we want to...

26:22.52

Jon Hord

like Do we want to rest on that comment and be like, well, I'm a good dad, so I don't really need to put more effort into this. And

26:30.06

Jonathan Guerrero

Oh.

26:31.29

Jon Hord

in being is is good good enough when it comes to raising your children? And I think when you put it that way, I think most people are going to say no like I don't know.

26:44.15

Jon Hord

Let me ask you, if you're going to assign a numerical value, like between like one and 10, like one's terrible and 10 is perfect. Like what number rating would you give to the word good?

26:58.27

Jonathan Guerrero

Good for me just feels like five.

27:01.69

Jon Hord

like right down the middle.

27:03.29

Jonathan Guerrero

Yeah.

27:04.36

Jon Hord

That's an f

27:06.23

Jonathan Guerrero

Yeah.

27:06.46

Jon Hord

if we're if we're If we're applying it to the grading scale, and I'm not arguing with what you said, but like is right down the middle average? like However you want to label that rating, like is that where we want to be for our kids? like For me, I think a good is like a 7 out of 10. If I see a movie, I'm like, it was it was good.

27:26.57

Jon Hord

that's like For me, that's a 7. I can tell you for sure that when it comes to being a father, Walking away with a seven out of 10 rating when it's all said and done, that's not that's it's not enough for me.

27:42.71

Jon Hord

That doesn't give me that sense of fulfillment and accomplishment when I'm sitting on the dock when I'm 80 years old, the seven out of 10.

27:42.96

Jonathan Guerrero

Yeah.

27:49.73

Jon Hord

Now, maybe it does for other people and great. Go do your thing. But it's ah it's not enough for me.

27:58.68

Jonathan Guerrero

Yeah. and i And I think too, you know, wouldn't you rather aim for that 10 or that 100% and okay, so then you land at seven, but you were aiming for 100%.

28:11.51

Jonathan Guerrero

rather than he rather than i was just aiming for seven and I got seven. i mean, yeah it's like, I don't know. it's I struggle with that because, you know, and and there's, I thought that, and this is where we get into another definition and what is the definition of a provider? What's a provider?

28:34.14

Jonathan Guerrero

And I think we've been hitting on this theme on several episodes, but, you know, we think that it's just a paycheck. That's what a provider is. And historically, that's what it's been defined as.

28:42.81

Jon Hord

right.

28:46.41

Jonathan Guerrero

an And it turns out it's so much bigger than that. And so when i I look at my kids, you know, when I got home, I remember looking, you know, my so and I tell this story, so i won't go into the long version of this story either, but My son could not swim.

29:06.68

Jonathan Guerrero

And this was years of swimming lessons. And I blamed his teachers. I thought his teachers were all a bunch of idiots. And so I'm, I'm fresh off the road. i have all this time that I don't know what to do with.

29:21.24

Jonathan Guerrero

And I'm not used to being able to attend all of his events. So I show up to a swim lesson and he can't swim and I'm getting irritated, not at him, but at his teachers.

29:33.43

Jonathan Guerrero

And I pull him out of the shallow pool and I take him into the deep end and for two weeks I work with him. And by the end of those two weeks, he's jumping off the high dive.

29:46.48

Jonathan Guerrero

He's and swimming in the 14-foot section, and and he's just confident.

29:46.63

Jon Hord

Hmm.

29:51.26

Jonathan Guerrero

And I walk out of the gate just seething and at how stupid his teachers were. And I could hear God's voice telling me, his teachers weren't the problem.

30:09.40

Jonathan Guerrero

You were.

30:13.34

Jonathan Guerrero

And that that that made me it made me sit right where I was on the pavement. And it felt like a sucker punch because I knew it was true.

30:19.83

Jon Hord

yes

30:24.12

Jonathan Guerrero

And this comes back to what are we what are we defining? How are we defining the word provider? I was providing a paycheck but nothing else.

30:35.64

Jon Hord

yeah

30:36.28

Jonathan Guerrero

And I thought that that was my, I thought it was, I thought I was aiming 100. at a hundred And actually hitting it, I was barely doing five.

30:49.02

Jonathan Guerrero

So there's the a there's there's that other side of it. You might think that you're aiming at 100, but you're not hitting 100. You're way down there somewhere.

30:58.28

Jon Hord

Yep. Yeah. So that, that begs the question, how do you figure out where you're at? If, if you're kind of checking in with yourself and you're like, Hey, yeah, I'm, I'm aiming at what I should be aiming.

31:15.16

Jon Hord

How do you, how do you learn if your aim really is where you want it to be? yeah,

31:24.10

Jon Hord

Uh, you can answer that if you want. My, my instincts tell me that that's where working with another person and getting their unbiased perspective on things and letting them ask questions that you wouldn't be asked in any other scenario in forcing your brain to think about things in a different way. That's where that can be uncovered if it's there. And, and maybe you learn something and you're like, wow, I'm I was pointing at the wrong thing the whole time. that What a win that is for you.

31:58.17

Jon Hord

But if you go through that and you learn, no, I'm turns out I'm right where I need to be. Like, think how incredible and energizing that would be.

32:09.18

Jon Hord

So I think you just got to dig in and and you got to do the work.

32:14.33

Jonathan Guerrero

Yeah, and i i love what you I love what you said about having a trusted person be that mirror for you to tell you where you're where you're actually hitting. Because I would say your kids actually are the marker. they're They decide whether you're hitting 10 or whether you're hitting 5.

32:32.76

Jon Hord

Yes.

32:32.79

Jonathan Guerrero

And that was the case for me.

32:33.06

Jon Hord

Hmm.

32:35.16

Jonathan Guerrero

But just because your kids are the meter, so to speak, doesn't mean you're actually reading it. So in my case, it actually took God. God was that somebody else that said, yeah, this is where you've actually been hitting. And it's it's pretty awful.

32:53.43

Jonathan Guerrero

This is where you've actually been hitting. And this is why you can't read the meter because you don't want to read it. You don't like what it says. So I'm telling you what the meter actually says.

33:05.18

Jon Hord

Yeah.

33:06.10

Jonathan Guerrero

now Now go back and look at the meter again.

33:06.42

Jon Hord

Yeah.

33:10.62

Jonathan Guerrero

So it's human nature.

33:10.73

Jon Hord

It's human nature, right? To not look at something that hurts.

33:14.33

Jonathan Guerrero

Yeah. But somebody that you trust, you know, get that somebody that you trust.

33:15.64

Jon Hord

There's no mystery as to why.

33:19.16

Jonathan Guerrero

I just love what you, I just love what you said there. It's so true. Get somebody that you trust that you know won't just feed you sunshine and they care about you enough to tell you the truth and, and listen to them.

33:33.21

Jon Hord

Yes.

33:35.96

Jonathan Guerrero

Don't get defensive. Don't put your guard up. They're at, they actually care enough about you not to lie to your face.

33:44.50

Jon Hord

Yeah. So, and and that's hard to find. Somebody that you care and trust enough that they're willing to say what makes them uncomfortable to say, and they're willing to potentially hurt your feelings in the short term, but they know long term that the value is there. So finding somebody in your life that fits sort of that criteria is, that is a absolutely great thing to do. Now, not everybody has those people in their life. So like what do you do then? And if this feels like shameless promotion, I apologize.

34:20.57

Jon Hord

But for me, it was you find a coach. You find somebody that is trained to be able to ask open-ended and curious questions that you've never been asked before.

34:31.96

Jon Hord

And they're unbiased. like They don't have this... They don't have a relationship with you. They are, they are there. The purpose of them asking these questions is to help the person uncover things that they wouldn't see otherwise. And so that, that space between a client and somebody that, or a coach, excuse me, that space between a coach and somebody that they're working with is so rare where,

35:02.62

Jon Hord

That person can be with their coach and they know that they're not going to be judged. And at least the way that I coach people, I don't give advice. Like I ask questions and I let people come up with their own answers. So it's so common with some, with personal relationships that we have where,

35:22.90

Jon Hord

you get advice from people like, Oh, well you just got to go do this. Well, everybody's unique and what works for somebody might not work for somebody else. So where are you going to go and share things where you're not going to be judged and you're not going to be given advice and you can,

35:39.48

Jon Hord

you can share things that are so vulnerable and and personal that you wouldn't be comfortable sharing them with anybody else. And when you can sort of let those things come out and breathe and get them out in the open, like that's when you can start to get this new found clarity because these, were we as humans were so good at keeping the hard stuff packed away for a whole laundry list of reasons. But

36:10.01

Jon Hord

ah ah There's a lot of a lot of incredible things that happen once we sort of let those things see the light of day.

36:16.50

Jonathan Guerrero

John, you offer an eight-week fatherhood reset to build connection, trust, and joy at home. How can dads listening learn more and get signed up today?

36:27.73

Jon Hord

Yeah, so um you can follow me on my social media channels. So on Instagram and on TikTok and on YouTube, it's at the Engaged Father Project.

36:39.86

Jon Hord

um And I also recently launched an online community. It's on the school platform. So S-K-O-O-L dot com. And you can search for the Engaged Father Project there. And there's no cost to join um this community. And it's a group of incredible dads where we've basically raised our hand to say, we care enough about our kids that we're willing to, one, admit that we don't have all the answers, and two that we want to do the work because we know what's on the other side of doing this work. And we're currently doing this little 30-day challenge. I call it the 30-day Light Your Fire Challenge.

37:20.50

Jon Hord

And you go into the community, you can do it on your phone or your computer, and you just set a goal or an intention for the day when it comes to how you want to show up as a dad. And it doesn't have to be anything big or flashy.

37:34.84

Jon Hord

um And then you show up in the afternoon or the evening and you just talk about what happened. Did you hit your goal? Did you not? Would you learn what happened? And it's incredible. Like what me doing this alongside other people and as part of this 30 day challenge,

37:50.49

Jon Hord

ah Basically, like I've had a couple, what I would almost say is like revelations personally for myself in how I'm parenting my kids. that is just worth its weight in gold. So it's a space to show up and do the work. And it's kind of just like, do it and watch what happens. And you'll just keep coming back for more. So it's an open invitation for anybody to come join this community.

38:16.95

Jon Hord

And Jonathan, I would like to personally um invite you to be a part of this community as well, if you're willing to.

38:25.14

Jonathan Guerrero

I would love to be on this community. In fact, I would also like our listening audience to join me and and John in this community. I will be participating. I'm glad to join.

38:38.23

Jonathan Guerrero

In fact, I'm going to make it easier if you go to thefatherhoodchallenge.com. That's thefatherhoodchallenge.com. If you go to this episode and you are looking for the episode, the you're looking for the episode called The Blueprint and the Mundane.

38:57.27

Jonathan Guerrero

The Blueprint and the Mundane. Look for that episode title and go right below the episode description, and I'm going to have the link posted right there for your convenience.

39:09.69

Jonathan Guerrero

John, as we close, what is your challenge to dads listening now?

39:16.31

Jon Hord

Do better. Find a way to do better. i know i know you're busy. I know you're trying hard. You might be experiencing a lot of stress and that's all normal. Life can be really challenging.

39:32.95

Jon Hord

But don't let those things get in the way of taking small moments to just look for ways that you can get better for your kids.

39:45.05

Jon Hord

And do the work now. And then join me on that dock when we're in our 70s looking back and you just feel overflowing with a sense of satisfaction in fulfillment, knowing that you really, really showed up when it mattered at home with your kids and with your family.

40:08.06

Jonathan Guerrero

That's a great way to wrap. John, thank you so much for being on the Fatherhood Challenge. I really enjoyed this conversation.

40:16.12

Jon Hord

ah Jonathan, me too. Time flew by. Thank you so much for the opportunity. And it's been wonderful to meet you. And I look forward to you know um seeing you inside the school community. And let's go do more amazing work there.

Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/thefatherhoodchallengepodcast/donations