009 - The Challenge of Giving Quality Support

Typical, mainstream approaches

to being supportive don’t work, and are often counterproductive. So

what can you do?

In this podcast I talk about what

is mistakenly identified as being supportive, why it’s not so, what

are the principles behind proper support, and what are some

practical approaches one can take.

Principles discussed:

Should be reciprocal - adult relationships are

trade-based.

Should be given and asked for only in close

relationship.

Valid

support and advice can only be given with a strong understanding of

the other person’s aims and history.

One

can only offer advice on things that they’ve already achieved, or

at least seriously worked towards.

Unsolicited advice is to be avoided at all

cost.

The

ultimate choice is theirs - you shouldn’t be on a quest to change

or save someone.

Practical tips:

Choose very carefully whom to

support.

Be

curious. “Tell me more!” is often the best default

position.

Respect boundaries.

Consciously aim to have empathy - it is only

semi-automatic.

Ask

advice only if solicited

Help

self-leadership by not giving answers, but by asking questions -

non-leading questions.

Be

honest of your level of understanding - reflect your authority

accurately.

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