⚠️ CONTENT WARNING: This episode discusses depression, panic attacks, hospitalisation and a disclosed low point involving suicidal thoughts. If any of this affects you, Lifeline is available 24/7 on 13 11 14. What does faith look like from a psych ward bed?0:00 – Trigger warning0:30 – Intro: Faith. No filter.1:26 – Meet Rachel. 25-year-old musician raised in the church4:18 – Diagnosed with ADHD at age 1117:27 – A senior school rejection breaks her spirit22:13 – A panic attack derails the stage she once loved24:37 – Hospitalised in a psych ward26:44 – Coming to terms with being asexual and queer31:26 – Finding her way back to music and worshipIn this episode of Filthy Hope, hosts Rev Ness Williams-Henke and Rev Jon Humphries sit down with Rachel Humphries (Jon's own daughter) for the first of a two-part conversation. Raised as a Chaplain’s kid inside the school he worked in, Rachel grew up believing music was her calling, until a private-school culture that prized "excellence" over commitment told her otherwise. What followed were years of depression and PTSD, a panic attack that took her off a stage she'd never feared, and a night she told her mum she wasn't "good”, words that landed her in a psych ward.Together they wrestle with the harder questions: how do you hold onto faith when the place that raised you also broke you? What does healing look like when you're queer, asexual and self-sacrificing to a fault? Rachel doesn't offer easy answers: she calls herself "a terrible Christian" in the same breath she talks about leading worship every week. But she's back on stage, fronting a band, and figuring out grace one gig, one Sunday, and one honest conversation at a time.#FilthyHope #ChristianPodcast #GritWithGrace #FaithNoFilter #ChaplainsKid #PsychWard #MentalHealthAndFaith #AsexualAndChristian #QueerAndChristian #WorshipLeader