This week on The CJ and Ted Show, CJ’s holed up in a Marriott near Gatwick and the tech is just about holding together as the lads go long-distance. They kick off dreaming about big-money sponsors and doing the show from beaches around the world, then dive into a properly British rant: should you really get a £150 fine for pouring leftover coffee down a drain in London? That spirals into council “enforcement officers”, government overreach, broken windows theory, and whether targets are turning minor nonsense into big money spinners.

From there, it’s onto septum rings, TikTok hot takes and the “white saviour liberal” look, as they debate whether certain trends make people more attractive, less attractive, or if it’s actually just about how you feel about yourself. We also get Cat of the Week, with Faith – a paralysed cat who somehow relearns to walk – and a truly horrific “Am I the Asshole?” Reddit story involving a disastrous bathroom incident at a girlfriend’s family dinner and a man who absolutely refuses to own his… output.

CJ also shares stories from his week with an American colleague on his first trip to the UK – culture clashes, British accents, fish and chips, Marmite, and why he might officially be “done” with Premier Inn after discovering the joys of the Marriott.

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