To the inexperienced observer, crisis and the individual in crisis represent nearly equivalent notions.  We say that an individual is suicidal.  Why?  Because he is depressed.  We say that an individual is nervous and shaking.  Why?  Because he is upset.  When we take the next step and ask why the individual is depressed or upset, the assumption is that the answer will point to there being something wrong with the individual or with his situation.  You are just being silly.… If I were you, I would get out of that situation and not put up with it anymore.… If you would just straighten up and deal with it, things would be better.… You can’t blame yourself.  It’s not your fault.  If they didn’t act the way they do, things would be okay.  By the inexperienced observer then, the ‘crisis’ is interpreted to be something that is either in the individual or in the situation.

As we examine the conflict state in this chapter and focus more specifically on the crisis state in Chapter 3, we will find that the crisis is neither within the individual nor within the situation.  The crisis lies in how you are or are not getting along within your situation. …

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