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The Dark Side of Self-Development (And How We Fix It)
In today’s episode, The Dark Side of Self-Development (And How We Fix It) I share the messy, human side of my experience in the coaching industry—why I re-recorded this episode, what’s actually harmful (and why it can feel “normal”), and how to find safe, ethical support without abandoning your intuition.
We cover
🚩 Red flags I missed (or excused): shame tactics, humiliation-as-leadership, gaslighting, hierarchy power plays, codependence, and “you’re broken—buy more” marketing.
🧠 Dysregulation ≠ mindset problem: why tough-love methods can re-enact old wounds and tank your nervous system.
🧩 Why it can feel “safe” in the moment (childhood echoes & power dynamics) and how to tell the difference between growth edges vs. re-traumatization.
🙌 What safe mentorship looks like: human-first spaces, informed consent, repair practices, aftercare, and money ethics.
🛠 Solutions you can use now: questions to ask before joining, how to self-advocate, and scripts for checking in when something feels off.
Content note/disclaimer
I don’t name individuals or businesses in this episode, because it's truly not about that. I’m speaking to patterns and practices I’ve experienced or witnessed. This is for awareness and safer choices not to damage reputations.
Please listen with care for your own nervous system and skip sections if you need to. Please also do not ask me privately about who this may be about, as I mentioned, it's not about anyone, it's about the patterns and behaviour and sharing MY experience.
If you do suspect you may be in an unhealthy coaching dynamic, please feel free to reach out to me. I am here to support you, but I will not encourage unproductive or malicious gossip.
Tools & self-advocacy (save this)
Before you join a program, ask:
Do I feel safe asking questions without being shamed
When I watch this person's content, do I feel ashamed or guilty about myself? Or do I feel safe & seen?
What’s the repair/aftercare process if harm happens?
Are payment options ethical and reasonable for my reality?
Do their methods scare me or stretch me?
If something feels off, try this script:
“Hey [Name], when [specific event] happened, I felt [emotion/impact]. I’m seeking [repair/clarity/request]. What’s the best way to work through this together?”
🆘 Mental Health Resources
If this brings up anything for you, please reach out for proper support. You are not alone.
Australia: Lifeline – 13 11 14 | Beyond Blue – 1300 22 4636
UK: Samaritans – 116 123
USA: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – 988
Canada: Talk Suicide – 1-833-456-4566
Or search your local crisis line if you’re outside these areas.
🔗 Mentions & Links
Come hang out with me on IG → @themfknempress
The Future of Healing → IG @thespiritworldco & TikTok @thespiritworldco
Submit anon questions & feedback → @thespiritworldpod
Share the episode with a friend who needs it, leave a quick review, or DM me your story.
View all episodes
By Nita Imanian // The Mfkn EmpressIn today’s episode, The Dark Side of Self-Development (And How We Fix It) I share the messy, human side of my experience in the coaching industry—why I re-recorded this episode, what’s actually harmful (and why it can feel “normal”), and how to find safe, ethical support without abandoning your intuition.
We cover
🚩 Red flags I missed (or excused): shame tactics, humiliation-as-leadership, gaslighting, hierarchy power plays, codependence, and “you’re broken—buy more” marketing.
🧠 Dysregulation ≠ mindset problem: why tough-love methods can re-enact old wounds and tank your nervous system.
🧩 Why it can feel “safe” in the moment (childhood echoes & power dynamics) and how to tell the difference between growth edges vs. re-traumatization.
🙌 What safe mentorship looks like: human-first spaces, informed consent, repair practices, aftercare, and money ethics.
🛠 Solutions you can use now: questions to ask before joining, how to self-advocate, and scripts for checking in when something feels off.
Content note/disclaimer
I don’t name individuals or businesses in this episode, because it's truly not about that. I’m speaking to patterns and practices I’ve experienced or witnessed. This is for awareness and safer choices not to damage reputations.
Please listen with care for your own nervous system and skip sections if you need to. Please also do not ask me privately about who this may be about, as I mentioned, it's not about anyone, it's about the patterns and behaviour and sharing MY experience.
If you do suspect you may be in an unhealthy coaching dynamic, please feel free to reach out to me. I am here to support you, but I will not encourage unproductive or malicious gossip.
Tools & self-advocacy (save this)
Before you join a program, ask:
Do I feel safe asking questions without being shamed
When I watch this person's content, do I feel ashamed or guilty about myself? Or do I feel safe & seen?
What’s the repair/aftercare process if harm happens?
Are payment options ethical and reasonable for my reality?
Do their methods scare me or stretch me?
If something feels off, try this script:
“Hey [Name], when [specific event] happened, I felt [emotion/impact]. I’m seeking [repair/clarity/request]. What’s the best way to work through this together?”
🆘 Mental Health Resources
If this brings up anything for you, please reach out for proper support. You are not alone.
Australia: Lifeline – 13 11 14 | Beyond Blue – 1300 22 4636
UK: Samaritans – 116 123
USA: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – 988
Canada: Talk Suicide – 1-833-456-4566
Or search your local crisis line if you’re outside these areas.
🔗 Mentions & Links
Come hang out with me on IG → @themfknempress
The Future of Healing → IG @thespiritworldco & TikTok @thespiritworldco
Submit anon questions & feedback → @thespiritworldpod
Share the episode with a friend who needs it, leave a quick review, or DM me your story.