This podcast episode is a work of satire and parody. It is fictional, exaggerated, and intended purely for entertainment and commentary. It is not factual, investigative, or instructional.

Once upon a time there was Gurhan, and now he was fully grown. Not emotionally, not spiritually, but physically. A grown man. And like all grown men destined for greatness, confusion, and announcements, he eventually met his soulmate. His best friend. His mirror. His echo. His Nic.

They were inseparable. Best friends. Brothers from another mother. The kind of friendship where you don’t just share secrets, you share one ice cream cone and don’t even wipe it before handing it over. That level of trust. Same smile. Same confidence. Same ability to talk for twenty minutes without delivering a single usable sentence. It was beautiful.

Gurhan loved Nic deeply. Not because Nic said smart things — God no — but because Nic said a lot of things. Endless things. Circular things. Things that sounded important if you weren’t really listening. Gurhan would sit there nodding, eyes sparkling, thinking wow… this man is selling nothing and everyone’s buying it. That’s art. That’s marketing.

Nic could hype a glass of water and convince you it was a limited-edition hydration experience. Gurhan adored it. It energized him. Inspired him. Occasionally made him uncomfortable in ways he chose not to unpack emotionally. The vibes were immaculate.

Then one day, destiny struck. Gurhan was on the toilet. Alone. Vulnerable. Philosophical. And like all great ideas in human history, the next one arrived while he was taking a shit. Nic, uninvited and unbothered, popped his head in mid-conversation like this was completely normal behavior.

And in that sacred moment — pants down, mind open — Gurhan had an epiphany.

Another presale.

But not just any presale. A visionary presale. One that would last. One that would sound serious. One with real developers, real code, real effort… and Nic safely off to the side, talking absolute nonsense into a microphone like a professional fog machine.

The plan was perfect. Gurhan would build a real dev team. Smart people. Talented people. People who actually knew what they were doing. They’d build the tech. Make it shiny. Make it impressive. Meanwhile, Nic would do what Nic does best — marketing. Which is just talking confidently until everyone stops asking questions.

But Nic wasn’t ready for the spotlight yet. No no. Too precious. Too chaotic. So Gurhan hired Anthony. Clean cut. Experience. CEO energy. Someone nobody would ignore. Anthony would stand front and center, explaining the tech like everything was fine, while Nic stood nearby, smiling, nodding, and saying things like “big things are coming” without specifying which things or when.

And Gurhan? Gurhan controlled it all. The announcements. The pacing. The drama. When the time was right, when the crowd needed saving, when confusion peaked and hope wavered, he’d unleash his secret weapon.

Nic.

The loverboy.
The talker.
The savior with zero answers.

And thus the next chapter began. Born not from strategy meetings or whitepapers, but from friendship, nonsense, and a bathroom visit that changed everything forever.

Big things were coming.

Very soon.

Probably