Dear Diary,

Although it’s bright and sunny outside, the air is heavy today. It feels like the body is lighter and heavier at the same time. There are knots in the stomach that divide the body into two parts. The lower body is cold as ice and weak as a straw, while the upper body is hot as fire and heavy as a rock. The gut-wrenching feeling rises every few seconds and then dives into the black hole of nothingness. This familiar feeling of despair is a constant now. It is so familiar that I can touch it and greet it too.