I still remember a night at a men’s shelter where I was teaching. Afterward, a young man came up to me in tears and said, “I’m gay… I’ll never get into Heaven.” And instead of jumping straight into a theological argument, I leaned back and asked him, “Before we talk about Heaven… can we talk about how you got here?”

He told me he’d been in foster care. Sexually abused. Molested. When he aged out and ended up on the streets, a gay man took him in—fed him, sheltered him… and that became the only “love” he’d ever known. That story broke something in me. Because in that moment, what I learned wasn’t “change the Bible.” What I learned was this: Yeshua sees the heart. He sees the whole story. He sees layers that a church crowd will never see.

And here’s what we don’t have the right to do: play God with people’s final judgment (Romans 14:4; James 4:12).

But here’s what we do have the right to do: live and teach what Scripture calls sound, and love people without condemnation (John 1:14; Ephesians 4:15). That’s far harder for believers than most want to admit.

Does that mean you accept the sin? Absolutely not (Romans 6:1–2).

Does it mean you condemn the sinner? Absolutely not (John 3:17).

If we can’t hold those together, we’re not ready to speak on this topic at all.

Now… with that posture in place, we can actually talk about inclusion, marriage, ordination, and what the church is.

The church is for believers… but what is a believer?

The modern church is confused here, and that confusion is killing everything downstream.

A believer is not a person without sin. That’s fantasy (1 John 1:8–10). Scripture doesn’t describe believers as sinless; it describes them as repenting, submitting, and enduring (Luke 9:23; Hebrews 10:36).

A believer is someone who has turned toward the God of Israel and toward Messiah… and who is willing to be shaped over time by the Word of God and the covenant community (Acts 2:42; 2 Timothy 3:16–17).

So we need a clean distinction that protects both grace and holiness:

* Struggling is not the same as refusing.

* Falling is not the same as insisting.

* Weakness is not the same as defiance.

A believer will stumble… but a believer won’t demand that the community bless the stumble as holy (1 Corinthians 6:9–11; Titus 2:11–14).

That’s why Scripture contains processes for correction and restoration (Matthew 18:15–17; Galatians 6:1–2; James 5:19–20). And that’s why Paul draws a firm line between how we relate to the world and how we handle the claimed-insider who insists on defying covenant boundaries (1 Corinthians 5:9–13).

So here’s the principle we have to recover:

The assembly can welcome anyone to come hear, learn, wrestle, and seek God…

but membership, affirmation, and leadership are covenant categories for those who will submit to covenant formation.

That’s not harsh. That’s how a living body survives.

A quick correction: the church should not be built to cater to unbelief

Let me say this cleanly, because we’ve inverted it in the West:

The church is not “a place built for unbelievers to feel comfortable.”

The church is the gathered people of God, built to equip the saints.

Paul doesn’t say Messiah gave leaders to entertain the outsider. He says Messiah gave shepherding gifts “to equip the saints for the work of ministry… to mature the body” (Ephesians 4:11–16). That means the assembly is designed to produce growth, stability, and discernment, not spiritual consumerism.

Yes—outsiders may enter, listen, be convicted, and turn (1 Corinthians 14:24–25). Praise God. But the meeting isn’t structured around keeping unbelief unchallenged. The Word is proclaimed to form believers into a holy people (2 Timothy 4:2; Titus 2:1).

The real church is community… not a crowd around a stage

This needs to be said plainly because we’ve normalized the opposite:

The “real church” is not a weekly audience gathered around one elevated man.

The church is a body—a community where every member is called to love, serve, carry burdens, and grow (1 Corinthians 12; Romans 12:4–10).

And the shepherd is not above the sheep.

A true shepherd serves the flock. He bleeds for it. He watches for wolves. He models humility. He does not build a personal empire out of God’s people (Mark 10:42–45; John 13:14–15; 1 Peter 5:1–4).

When a church forgets that, everything gets distorted: correction becomes control, truth becomes branding, and the flock becomes a customer base.

Why this is the fault line right now

This issue has become the most visible driver of fracture in modern denominational life because it forces institutions to answer one question they’ve avoided:

Who has authority… Scripture, or the spirit of the age?

That’s why disputes over LGBTQ inclusion in marriage and ordination keep triggering schisms, disaffiliations, and severed ties across networks and denominations. [ref: PBS] [ref: Religion News]

It’s not primarily political. It’s ecclesiology. It’s covenant authority.

The Hebraic frame Western debates keep skipping

Most modern arguments default to Greco-Roman or modern categories:

* consent as the highest ethical threshold

* authenticity as the highest human good

* harm defined primarily as emotional discomfort

* “love” defined as affirmation

Torah frames covenant life differently.

Scripture uses categories like:

* קָדוֹשׁ (kadosh) — set apart, devoted (Leviticus 19:2)

* טָמֵא (tamei) — defiled/unclean (often covenant-disrupting, not merely “gross”)

* תּוֹעֵבָה (toevah) — detestable/rejected as covenant-disordering

And here’s where we have to be precise and beyond reproach:

Yes, toevah often appears in idolatry contexts (Deuteronomy 7:25–26).

No, that does not make it “merely ritual,” therefore morally neutral.

The same word is used for dishonest weights—moral fraud that corrodes community trust (Deuteronomy 25:16; Proverbs 11:1). So the category isn’t “temple-only.” The category is: God rejects what destroys covenant life.

Marriage is not a floating contract… it’s a covenant pattern

If we let Scripture speak, we start in Genesis.

Genesis 1–2 gives a creation pattern that becomes a covenant sign:

* male and female (Genesis 1:27)

* leaving and cleaving (Genesis 2:24)

* בָּשָׂר אֶחָד (basar echad) — one flesh

That’s why the prophets use marriage imagery to describe covenant loyalty. Marriage is not just romance; it’s covenant structure.

So the debate isn’t “Can love exist in same-sex relationships?” Love can exist in complicated places.

The covenant question is this:

Does Scripture treat marriage as a label we can redefine…

or as a creation-anchored covenant sign we receive?

If it’s the second, the church doesn’t have permission to rewrite it (Matthew 19:4–6).

Leviticus and the honesty test

Leviticus 18–20 isn’t a random list of taboos. It’s a holiness charter. Israel is commanded not to live like Egypt or Canaan and not to adopt patterns that defile the people (Leviticus 18:3, 24–30).

Within that framework, Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13 prohibit a specific male–male sexual act, and categorize it as toevah.

Many modern affirming arguments try to narrow those verses to exploitative situations (rape, pederasty, temple prostitution, dominance).

Here’s the problem: even if exploitation is condemned elsewhere in Torah (it is), these specific prohibitions are not written as narrow abuse statutes. They sit among other prohibited unions and practices framed as defiling.

So if someone wants to affirm same-sex marriage and ordination while still claiming Torah authority, they have to do more than say “context.” They must show—textually—how Torah’s holiness frame is being carried forward rather than quietly dissolved.

And if someone wants to oppose same-sex marriage and ordination while claiming Torah authority, they must do more than say “abomination.” They must carry Torah’s heart too—justice, dignity, patience, and the refusal to condemn people in their wounds (Micah 6:8; John 8:11).

Inclusion isn’t one thing

There is welcome inclusion:

Come. Hear. Learn. Ask. Sit under Scripture. Seek God. Be cared for. Be safe.

And there is covenant affirmation:

We bless this as holy.

We model this as sound living.

We ordain this as shepherding authority.

Those are not the same.

So a church can say—without contempt and without fear:

“You are welcome here as an image-bearer, and we will walk with you patiently. But we cannot call holy what Torah calls prohibited, and we cannot ordain leadership that must publicly contradict our reading of Scripture.”

That isn’t hate. That’s covenant clarity.

Shepherd structure and household structure matter more than people admit

Many churches have erased consequence… and then handed authority to one man at the top.

That model is spiritually hazardous.

Biblically, shepherding is accountable, character-qualified, and commonly plural (elders), not a lone celebrity voice (Acts 14:23; Acts 20:28–31; 1 Peter 5:1–4). The qualifications in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 aren’t about stage presence. They’re about self-control, integrity, household order, gentleness without weakness, and the ability to protect the flock without domination.

And let’s say this without apology:

If the “pastor” functionally cannot be questioned, corrected, or held accountable, that is not biblical shepherding. That is a throne.

Shepherds are under-shepherds. The flock belongs to Messiah, not to the preacher (John 10:11–16; 1 Peter 5:4). And the evidence of true shepherding is service, not elevation (Mark 10:42–45).

Correction without structure becomes control.

Structure without correction becomes theater.

And family structure matters too, because so much “headship talk” is symbolic masculinity with no sacrifice. Scripturally, leadership—whether in home or congregation—is burden-bearing responsibility, not entitlement (Ephesians 5:25–29).

A loving word to both sides

To the affirming side: if compassion requires Torah to be treated like a relic that must be upgraded, you’re not doing Scripture-first faith. You’re doing modernity with verses taped on.

To the non-affirming side: if your “holiness” produces contempt, mockery, disgust, or culture-war addiction, you aren’t walking in Torah either. Holiness includes clean hands, clean speech, and clean motives (Psalm 24:3–4).

And to the churches that want to keep this as “their issue”: if you’re loud about LGBTQ sin but quiet about porn, greed, gossip, ethnic partiality, adultery-lite, and predatory leadership, you’ve already lost the moral authority you think you’re defending.

What faithful churches must build

The church is not a showroom for perfect people.

It’s a workshop for believers.

Believers aren’t sinless, but they are teachable (1 John 1:8–10). They don’t just claim grace—they submit to training (Titus 2:11–14). They don’t just attend—they endure discipline as sons (Hebrews 12:5–11). That’s the difference.

So faithful churches must build a community that does three things at once:

A church that welcomes the outsider without lying to them…

a church that refines the believer without crushing them…

and a church where shepherds serve the flock without being elevated above it.

Here’s what that looks like:

A clear believer pathway, not fog

Repentance and allegiance to Messiah must be plain (Mark 1:15). Baptism and discipleship are expected, not optional (Matthew 28:19–20). Stop calling attendance “membership.”

Biblical correction that’s patient, not punitive

Correction must be restorative and careful (Matthew 18:15–17; Galatians 6:1–2). No public shaming. No ego. No gossip.

Consistency on “common sins”

Porn, adultery, fornication, exploitation, greed, slander, and hypocrisy cannot be normalized because they’re common (1 Thessalonians 4:3–8; Hebrews 13:4; Ephesians 4:29–32). Selective holiness is cowardice.

High honor for costly obedience

If someone is called to celibacy, they must not be treated as second-class. Scripture honors celibacy for some (1 Corinthians 7). Build belonging so obedience doesn’t equal isolation.

Thick community, not thin Sundays

The assembly is called to stir one another to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24–25). Burdens are meant to be carried (Galatians 6:2). That requires proximity and real relationships.

Plural, accountable shepherding

No throne model. Elders plural. Accountability real. Qualifications enforced (1 Timothy 3; Titus 1). Shepherds who serve, protect, and model humility (Acts 20:28–31; 1 Peter 5:1–4).

And here’s the deeper reason this must become standard in every conversation:

When pastors are elevated, the flock becomes fragile.

When community is strong, the flock becomes resilient.

And when shepherds serve instead of ruling, people can actually heal.

That matters—especially for people like that young man at the shelter. Churches must become safe enough for wounded people to tell the truth, while also being honest enough to call people toward holiness (John 1:14).

Mercy that denies holiness is sentimentality.

Holiness that denies mercy is self-righteousness.

Messiah holds both.

Keep the door open to people…

keep the house God-defined…

and keep the shepherds serving the flock with real accountability.

May the shalom of our Abba guard you —

shalom v’shalvah.

Your brother in The Way,

Sergio.

© Sergio DeSoto / sergiodesoto.com. All rights reserved.

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