In this highlight from the Dr. Cloud Show, Henry talks about a key mental state for making big changes. 99% of what you’re trying to accomplish in your life has been done, even the really hard stuff. People have lost 100 pounds, they have turned around broken relationships, they’ve gone from bankruptcy to wealth. These things happen and they can happen for you, but it requires doing things differently than you’re doing them. The first step is believing it’s possible. The next step is getting help. After that we have to set out a plan and that’s where the “no choice choice” comes in. You choose that something you want to do is not an option, it’s not a decision. Dr. Cloud gives examples on how to get started in small ways and how those small steps make outsized impacts.   Dr. Cloud's "Getting Over Trauma" workshop is on August 30th at 5pm Pacific! Get 40% off admission before July 30th! Dr. Cloud will help you identify your traumatic injuries, and walk you through the steps necessary to get back to healthy functioning. If you can't attend live, don't worry, you can stream the recording as much as you like. To find out more about it go to https://Boundaries.me/trauma.   Get one week of free coaching videos from Dr. Cloud and boundaries.me! No strings attached! Just put in your email and we'll send you the videos!  https://www.boundaries.me/coach  

Episode 361 - The Dr. Cloud Show - Shorts - The No-Choice Choice

Dr. Henry Cloud's Boundaries.me podcast features inspiring stories about the benefits to your relationships, mental health, productivity and wellbeing that come when you implement healthy boundaries.

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Just knowing what gaslighting is can be a big first step to breaking free from it . The problem is that withstanding gaslighting is another matter. Dr. Henry Cloud discusses the concept of gaslighting, a psychological technique used to manipulate and control others by making them question their own reality. He delves into how gaslighters undermine individuals' subjective experience of reality to gain power over them. Dr. Cloud explains the impact of gaslighting on individuals, the vulnerable traits that make someone susceptible to it, and provides tips on how to recognize and deal with gaslighting behavior effectively.   Rachel has been facing lots of challenges accomplishing her goals and has sort of given up. How can she break the habit of feeling stuck?   Tracy and her boyfriend are in couples counseling. He’s been improving but she doesn’t know to what extent. What will it take for her to mend and truly see change in their relationship?  Samantha wants help understanding the boundary between expressing needs and being controlling in her marriage. She fears that it’s turning into a parent-child relationship and wants to get back to being equal adults.   Dr. Henry Cloud wants to help you take back control of your time and energy. You'll learn powerful strategies to prioritize what matters, set healthy boundaries, and achieve your goals with less stress and more joy. Master Your Time, Master Your Life is a 2 hour workshop that will transform how you use your time. Go to https://www.boundaries.me/time to get a special offer on the upcoming workshop! If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

Episode 407 - The Dr. Cloud Show - Skills for Handling Gaslighting

You may think you are a separate and free person when you look in the mirror. You’re not physically attached to someone else. As a person connected to others through relationships however you might not be the free and separate person you see in the mirror. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how so many of us are not free and separate people within our relationships. You might not be in charge of making decisions, someone might be controlling the decisions and behaviors that should be yours! Here’s the question: Right now, do you have any relationships where you don’t experience yourself as free to make your own choices without losing love? Free to make your own choices without a guilt trip being put on you? Free to make your own choices without them pouting and feeling abandoned? Dr. Cloud teaches you ways to start regaining your freedom by using boundaries to limit the control others have over you.    Audience Write-in Question: My boyfriend gets jealous easily, but my friends say that means he really loves me. Is that true, or is this a problem?   Kimberly has a 23 year old son that went through a truly terrible break up. He’s extremely depressed. She and her husband are actively getting them help but they don’t know what to do next.   Sal’s wife wants a divorce. She’s said she doesn’t love him and doesn’t know if she ever really did. What can he do to open up communication and how can he deal with the heartache? Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

Episode 406 - The Dr. Cloud Show - Becoming a Free and Separate Person

Much of how we bond and attach to others is formed in early childhood. Dr. Henry Cloud shows you how to look at your attachment style and find ways to get to a secure attachment. The attachments you have early on, whether healthy, inconsistent, or toxic, will have a huge affect on you. How do you experience your need for others? This is a critical aspect to how you attach. When your relationship with your needs are filled with conflict your attachment will be unsteady. Dr. Cloud breaks down the contributing factors that lead to secure attachment. This is a big talk, but you’ll understand so much more about how and why you’re having trouble with your attachments.   Audience Question: I suspect my boundaries need some maintenance. What are the signs I can look for that will tell me if I need to set stronger boundaries?   Jackie recently had a second child. Some of the women in her family are critical of her for not losing her baby weight like she did with her first child. How can she get them to drop the subject as it’s not helping and making her not want to see them?   Jacqueline needs to unfriend someone. The silent treatment isn’t working. Is there a good way to break off a friendship and go no-contact?   Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

Episode 405 - The Dr. Cloud Show - Ways to Fix Your Attachment Problems

By and large, personality type tests are very helpful as an initial assessment tool. But Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to get a better understanding of what they are actually useful for and where they fall short. One of the great things about them is that they allow us to see that a person’s behavior might not be coming from some malicious place, but from a propensity based on their personality. That's a huge step forward in building healthy relationships! Here’s the problem: a lot of people will take these tests and see themselves and others in a fixed way. While the personality tests can show the result of certain traits, they don’t explain the “why” of it. Dr. Cloud walks us through the polarity of personality tests and how to use these types of tests in a more holistic way.    Written question: My partner insists we stay up all night if we fight, saying we shouldn't go to bed mad. But this makes everything worse! Am I wrong for needing space?   Jessica has an estranged relationship with her mom and needs advice. Can she follow the Bible and honor her mother while also not communicating with her?   Maria is dealing with a triangulation problem. She’s separated from her husband and he is using her mother to persuade her. How can she stop this from happening?   Jenny’s mother has a drinking problem. She is constantly drinking wine and now she’s falling often. How can she encourage her to get help when her mother gets angry whenever the subject is brought up?   Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

Episode 404 - The Dr. Cloud Show - The Problem with Personality Tests

What thoughts come to mind when you think of responsibility? Is it burdensome, negative, or toxic? If you think that you’re not alone. The word often gets twisted during our upbringing because it’s brought down on you, it’s used in a repressive and toxic way. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to think differently about responsibility. Outside pressure and duty are often associated with responsibilities, and if those extrinsic factors went away you would not keep those responsibilities. Dr. Cloud elaborates on how to transform the external side of responsibility into internal choice. How you think about your responsibilities as a choice is critical for developing empowerment in your life. Reality will always hold you responsible, but whether you take responsibility for your role in what happens has to be your choice.    Write-in question of the day: I haven't spoken to my son in several years and it's the most painful loss I've ever experienced. His father was very hard on him. Too hard, and I didn't step in when I should have. He was a very stern man. Never physically abusive, but highly judgmental and not an ounce of love to give. I'm now divorced and I want to reconnect with my son but he isn't returning my calls. What can I do?   Jill stores trauma from her past in her body. She gets tense pains in her neck, back, shoulders, and stomach when she needs to speak up for herself around the family that caused the trauma.   Jennifer and her husband are in disagreement about their church. Her husband is against the core principles of his church but she wants to stay.   Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

Episode 361 - The Dr. Cloud Show - Shorts - The No-Choice Choice

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