Muhammad West

The Etiquette of Disagreement - Episode 01


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A Major Crisis
We are unable to interact with those we disagree with.
Result is hatred, violence and even killing
Locally: Cape Accord, Name calling, Takfir
Globally: Disunited ummah
“And obey Allaah and His Messenger, and do not dispute (with one another) lest you lose courage and your strength departs, and be patient. Surely, Allaah is with those who are As-Saabiroon (the patient)”
Surah Al Anfaal 8:46
Part 1: Introduction
Diversity of Allah Signs
وَمِنْ اٰيٰتِهٖ خَلْقُ السَّمٰوٰتِ وَالْاَرْضِ وَاخْتِلَافُ اَلْسِنَتِكُمْ وَاَلْوَانِكُمْۗ اِنَّ فِىْ ذٰلِكَ لَاٰيٰتٍ لِّلْعٰلِمِيْنَ“And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your languages and your colors. Indeed in that are signs for those of knowledge.”Surah Ar Rum 30:22
“…Had Allah willed, He would have made you one nation [united in religion], but [He intended] to test you in what He has given you..”Al Ma’idah 5:48
Differences are blessings
“…Allah has remained silent about some things, out of compassion for you, not forgetfulness — so do not seek after them.”
A hasan hadeeth narrated by ad-Daraqutnee and others
Umar ibn Abdul Aziz said: “I am glad that the companions of the Prophet (sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam) did not agree on every thing”. He said the meanings of that is when you have differences of opinions, it makes things broader and so that people can have more flexibility in their religion.
Imam Malik refused to allow his mathab to become the official mathab of the Muslims.
Differences are a reality
Between spouses
Between parents
Between siblings
Between friends
Between colleagues
Between communities of people
Golden rule
Differences are a inevitable
How we overcome them is what's important
Examples of good etiquettes
Disagreeing amongst sahaba
The times of fitna they would not call one another disbelievers of hypocrites
Advice 1: Personal differences (Differing on a personal level)
Reasons for personal conflict
Competition for resources
Conflicting physiologies and personalities
Conflicting views
Competition for resources
Amr ibn Awf reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
“By Allah, it is not poverty I fear for you, but rather I fear you will be given the wealth of the world just as it was given to those before you. You will compete for it just as they competed for it and it will destroy you just as it destroyed them.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī2988, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2961
Rizq is from Allah
Envy destroys
Wealth is a test
End up the same place
Physiological Differences
O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.
Surah Al Hujurat 49:13
Conflicting Personalities
Imaam al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) reported in his Saheeh that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “I heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saying:
‘Souls are like conscripted soldiers; those whom they recognize, they get along with, and those whom they do not recognize, they will not get along with.’”
Saheeh al-Bukhaari, Kitaab Ahaadeeth al-Anbiyaa’, Baab al- Arwaah junood mujannadah
Conflicting views
Different perceptions, values, goals, agendas\
Overcome the perception gap
“Walk in someone else's shoes”
Seek means of reconciliation
It was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said :
“It is the shaver, and I do not say that it shaves hair, but that it shaves (i.e., destroys) religious commitment.”
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4273; al-Tirmidhi, 2433. classed as Hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
It was narrated that Abu’l-Darda’ (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“He is not a liar who seeks to reconcile between people and says good things.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2490
Allah is displeased with both parties
It was narrated that Abu Ayyoob al-Ansaari (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“It is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days, each of them turning away when they meet. The better of them is the one who gives the greeting of salaam first.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2757; Muslim, 2560
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“The gates of Paradise are opened on Monday and Thursday, and everyone who does not associate anything with Allaah is forgiven, except a man who has had an argument with his brother. It is said: ‘Wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile.”
Narrated by Muslim, 2565
Do it for Allah
“I guarantee a house in Jannah (Paradise) for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a house in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even when joking / for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners.”
Prophet Muhammad (s) reported by Imam Abu Dawud
Final Advice
“On the authority of Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Do not be envious of one another; do not artificially raise prices against one another; do not hate one another; do not turn one’s back on each other; and do not undercut one another in business transactions. And be, [O] servants of Allah, bretheren. A Muslim is the brother of a Muslim. He does not wrong him. He does not fail him [when he needs him]. He does not lie to him. And he does not show contempt for him. Piety is here” – and he pointed to his chest three times. “It is enough of evil for a person to hold his brother Muslim in contempt. All of a Muslim is inviolable to another Muslim: his blood, his wealth and his honor.”
Recorded in Muslim
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