October 11, 2018

The Etiquette of Disagreement - Episode 02

40 minutes

Types of Disagreements

Personal disagreement

Marital and family disagreement

Work disagreement

Religious disagreements

Personal disagreement

Competition for resources

Conflicting physiologies and personalities

Conflicting views

Competition for resources

Amr ibn Awf reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “By Allah, it is not poverty I fear for you, but rather I fear you will be given the wealth of the world just as it was given to those before you. You will compete for it just as they competed for it and it will destroy you just as it destroyed them.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 2988, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2961

Physiological Differences

O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.

Surah Al Hujurat 49:13

Conflicting views

Different perceptions, values, goals, agendas

Overcome the perception gap

The "Adaab" to overcome these differences

Identify the source of the conflict - Why are we even fighting

Try to understand and respect the counter view – Learn to listen, Never judge the person or the intentions of the other person.

Try to work from common ground

Ethics in dialogue - I statements vs You, Private vs Public, Not to hurt

Look for a win-win solution - Everyone must a chance and everyone must compromise

Objective outsider

Gracious in victory and sorry in defeat

Let go of past issues - Would you not like Allah to forgive your faults?

Look beyond the incident

Conflicting Personalities

Imaam al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) reported in his Saheeh that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “I heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saying:

‘Souls are like conscripted soldiers; those whom they recognize, they get along with, and those whom they do not recognize, they will not get along with.’”

(Saheeh al-Bukhaari, Kitaab Ahaadeeth al-Anbiyaa’, Baab al- Arwaah junood mujannadah)

Differing on a personal level - Seek means of reconciliation

It was narrated from Umm Kalthoom bint ‘Uqbah ibn Abi Mu’eet that she heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say:

“Shall I not tell you something that is better than the status of (voluntary) fasting, prayer and charity?” They said: “Yes.” He said: “Reconciling in a case of discord, for the evil of discord is the shaver.”

It was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said :

“It is the shaver, and I do not say that it shaves hair, but that it shaves (i.e., destroys) religious commitment.”

Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4273; al-Tirmidhi, 2433. classed as Hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

It was narrated that Abu’l-Darda’ (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“He is not a liar who seeks to reconcile between people and says good things.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2490

It was narrated that Abu Ayyoob al-Ansaari (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“It is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days, each of them turning away when they meet. The better of them is the one who gives the greeting of salaam first.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2757; Muslim, 2560

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“The gates of Paradise are opened on Monday and Thursday, and everyone who does not associate anything with Allaah is forgiven, except a man who has had an argument with his brother. It is said: ‘Wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile.”

Narrated by Muslim, 2565

To do it for Allah

“I guarantee a house in Jannah (Paradise) for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a house in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even when joking / for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners.”

Prophet Muhammad (s) reported by Imam Abu Dawud]

Final Advice

“On the authority of Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Do not be envious of one another; do not artificially raise prices against one another; do not hate one another; do not turn one’s back on each other; and do not undercut one another in business transactions. And be, [O] servants of Allah, bretheren. A Muslim is the brother of a Muslim. He does not wrong him. He does not fail him [when he needs him]. He does not lie to him. And he does not show contempt for him. Piety is here” – and he pointed to his chest three times. “It is enough of evil for a person to hold his brother Muslim in contempt. All of a Muslim is inviolable to another Muslim: his blood, his wealth and his honor.”

(Recorded in Muslim)

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