October 11, 2018

The Etiquette of Disagreement - Episode 04

33 minutes

Bond with parents

How to build a bond

Spent time together

Give

Quick to respond to their call and fulfil their needs

Honour and respect above anyone else

Arguments

Never retaliate

The sibling bond

As children first best friend, confidant, accomplice, biggest traitor, arch rival

We tend to grow apart as we become adults

Those relationships cement themselves as we get older

The longest relationship we will have .. yet never the most important

We always hope to be like Musa AS and Harun AS

Sibling rivalry

Almost always about envy

Compete over parents affection, toys, tv remote, intelligence, beauty, wealth, popularity

Our siblings can make us feel insecure about our own failings…its not their fault!

The first murder in human history

He said, "O my son, do not relate your vision to your brothers or they will contrive against you a plan. Indeed Satan, to man, is a manifest enemy.

Surah Yusuf 12:5

Certainly were there in Joseph and his brothers signs for those who ask,

Surah Yusuf 12:7

When they said, "Joseph and his brother are more beloved to our father than we, while we are a clan. Indeed, our father is in clear error.

Surah Yusuf 12:8

Kill Joseph or cast him out to [another] land; the countenance of your father will [then] be only for you, and you will be after that a righteous people."

Surah Yusuf 12:9

Parents

Parents can not help inclining to one child– Father’s favourite– Mother’s favourite

Which order you are born will also shape your psychology

Give and reward equally and fairly – Inheritance

Praise and punish equally and fairly

Praise publically and punish privately

Universal rules

Equal opportunities

Do not compare the strengths and weaknesses of each other

Accept that they are different

Encourage unique confidence

Have a special bond with each individually

Don’t get too close to one child

Do not be too hard or too soft one

Do not overburden one specific child

Do not let third parties or in-laws come between them

Do not pit one against the other

How do we resolve conflict as parents

Love equally

Nu’maan ibn Basheer said:

“My father gave me a gift of some of his wealth, but my mother, ‘Amrah bint Rawaahah, said, ‘I will not approve of it until you ask the Messenger of Allah [ ]وسلم علیہ ہللا صلی to bear witness to it.’ So my father went to the Prophet to ask him to bear witness to the gift. The Messenger of Allah [ علیہ ہللا صلی ]وسلمsaid to him, ‘Have you done the same for all of your children?’ He said, ‘No.’ He (SAW) said, ‘Fear Allah and treat your children justly.’ So my father came back and took back that gift.”

Sahih Al Bukhari, Muslim

Give children tools to build relationships with their siblings

Encourage teamwork: Group them in one team. And then reward the team for cleaning up the room, helping with laundry etc. Reward them with something they both like.

Plan fun activities together which they both enjoy.

Let them resolve their own conflicts; do not intervene unless ‘Code Red’!

Appreciate acts of kindness and care for each other and make them appreciate one another.

Siblings

Never side with an outsider over your sibling, unless in matters of the shariah

Do not make your sibling feel inferior

Focus on your own strengths and blessings

Don’t blame them for your failures

Don’t blame them for parental unfairness

“He said, “No blame will there be upon you today. Allah will forgive you; and He is the most merciful of the merciful””

Surah Yusuf 12:92

...more

View all episodes

By Muslim Central