Today’s passage, is taken from ‘The Awakened Family’ a book written by Dr. Shefali Tsabary, “Many parents are seduced by the notion that a child’s worth is measured by their performance. For a child to be ahead of the curve is seen as the measure of good parenting. As our children grow, the pressure to be ahead becomes even fiercer. Witness the number of “gifted and talented schools” in New York City alone. “

Living in New York City, I can speak to the Gifted and Talented and private school admissions farming industry. A fortune is being made off of the parental obsession with NYC 4 year old's into an elite G&T or private school. These 4 year old's are being put to work with expensive test prepping tutors and coaches who help the preschoolers interview well and diversify their creative interests, so their extracurricular portfolio incudes art, athletics, a musical instrument or dance, and on and on and on. Entire parent leagues dedicated to supporting the goals that these parents have set forth for their children– 

I should know, I was one of them.

And keep this in mind, these children are so young and tiny, they can’t even hold a #2 pencil and fill in the bubbles on the intellectual test they're taking to gain entry into these wonderfully fast-paced schools; which is why they have to have an adult present to fill in the bubbles for them as they point to their answers.  

Does any of this seem normal?

Why are we setting goals for our children at this tender age? Is it all based on our own fear? Fear that we thinly veil with declarations like, “I just want the best life or a better life for my child.” Fear that if the preschooler doesn’t attend the 'right' preschool that feeds into the 'right' high school, which matriculates into an Ivy League university, then their preschooler may not 'succeed'?

It’s neurotic to think that a preschool, musical instrument or a host of other prerequisites will dictate the type of success a child needs in order live a fulfilling life.  

It seems as a society, we are loading our children down with these heavy bags of goal setting to in order to achieve a sense of self worth, then we wonder why children anxiety and depression rates are steadily climbing.

If goal setting typically implies you are putting forth effort to achieve a need in your life that hasn’t already been met, then what message are we sending our children in aligning their self-worth with gaining acceptance into a certain school, sport, or activity that we choose? 

Do we believe that this sort of goal setting will achieve the labels of success that our child requires in order to be seen as 'exceptional' in our society or were they exceptional all along?
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