Roses are red. Violets are blue. This holiday was weird… and kind of violent too.

This week, Jade, Lavender, and Crimson dig up the spooky origins of Valentine’s Day and discover that love is built on martyrs, ancient Roman chaos, ritual pairings, and some extremely dramatic saint lore. We’re talking executions, fertility festivals, and how we somehow turned all that into heart-shaped chocolate capitalism.

Was Valentine real? Were there multiple Valentines? Why were heads rolling? And how did we go from ancient rituals to Walgreens stuffed animals?

It’s romance. It’s history. It’s mildly cursed.

Light a candle. Text your situationship. And press play.