Talking about our feelings can be a daunting task for many, especially for someone who grew up in an emotionally illiterate environment. Is not knowing what I'm feeling a feeling? How did I start putting words to those emotions?

Growing up with Asian immigrant parents, I never talked about my feelings. My parents made it clear to me that it was the hard skills that mattered. They were practical people. 

Get good grades.

Learn to play an instrument, to swim, skate, ride a bike, do a cartwheel.

Get a good-paying job. Buy a home. Feed yourself.

Earn, save and invest money. Pay your bills. Be responsible.

Be independent. We won’t be here forever.

They were great at teaching me how to take care of myself but talking about feelings or how to manage them was like a foreign language. They were emotionally illiterate. Crying was discouraged. Asking to have my feelings validated was often misunderstood, leading to hurt feelings, dampening my courage to ask again. 

We didn’t talk about how we felt, the joys or the pains. Stories were shared at the dinner table; however, no one would dare ask, 

“So, how did you feel about that?”

Although I was raised in an environment where feelings weren’t talked about, it was often written on my face and body language.