"1. You Put Yourself in Dangerous Situations

Let’s start with one of the most obvious signs of a problematic relationship with sex: not being safe. Sex comes with lots of risks, including pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. If you want to have a healthy and happy sex life, you have to educate yourself about the risk levels of your preferred sexual activities. You have to use protection and insist that your partners use protection. You have to get tested regularly, share your results with your partners, and ask them to share their results in return.

2. You’re Not Picky Enough

Your body is your temple! Cheesy but true. You should be choosy about the people you let into your pants, even if you’re having casual sex. You should share at least a basic level of comfort and respect with all of your sexual partners.

Want an easy litmus test? If you would feel embarrassed telling your best friend that you slept with a certain someone, maybe don't have sex with that person. Some other guidelines: don’t have sex with someone just because you want them to like you, or because you feel like you “owe” them. Don’t have sex with people you’re not attracted to. Have standards and stick to them.

7. You Care More About Your Partners Than Yourself

Most of us want to please our partners, but some people are so eager to please that they’re willing to betray their own wants and needs in favor of their partners’. Some people will have sex when they don’t want to, or engage in activities that they don’t desire, simply because their partner wanted it or pushed for it.

It's fine to compromise on things that you don't have a strong opinion about, but you should also have a set of firm boundaries that you won't cross. For example, let's say you've never been that interested in being spanked, but you're willing to try it if your partner is into it. That's much different than allowing your partner to pressure you into having unprotected sex.

8. You Don’t Respect Other’s Boundaries

On the flip side of the coin, some people are so adamant about getting what they want that they ignore or even violate their partner’s boundaries. This can come in the form of pressuring a partner, mocking their requests, ignoring safe words or, at the most extreme, forcing yourself on them. It should go without saying that your relationship with sex is pretty messed up if you do any of the above.

9. You Don’t Pay Attention to Your Body

Sex can be fun and pleasurable, and it can also be painful and scary. We each need to take care of ourselves and our bodies when we’re being intimate. Don’t ever push yourself to keep having sex if you’re experiencing pain or discomfort. Don’t ignore triggers. Don’t tune out gut feelings that something is wrong. Listen to your body. It knows much more than you realize.

If you recognize yourself in any of these categories, know that sometimes, just acknowledging your patterns is enough to make a change. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you may want to consider enlisting the help of an experienced sex therapist."