Twas the Gary before Christmas And all through the house Not a wall was left standing Not even this louse The drywall was hung With a belch and a swear No MHIC either He just doesn't care The children were horrified hiding in their bed The reviews of his work Oh, what they read Passed out at the library A filthy redneck We' re calling our lawyer Just look at our deck! When out on the lawn There arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see What was the matter When what to my wondering eye Should appear? He knocked over my mailbox And he's drenched in cheap beer Out of the cab he fell So angry and drunk He cussed up a storm And wow he sure stunk He asked for down payment On work to be done I asked for his license He said he had none I told him to go Gooobye and goodnight He threw up and said "Hey you wanna fight?" As the cab drove away And I wished him to hell "We just hired a crackhead" As the front gutters fell.