The Healed Sister

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We live in a world that encourages us to chase feelings and immediate rewards. We want to feel spiritually connected, fulfilled, successful and happy. And when those feelings or outcomes don’t materialise, we start questioning ourselves.

But what if we’re measuring the wrong things?

In this episode, I explore two principles that can fundamentally change the way we approach our lives as Muslims: discipline over feelings, and delayed gratification over immediate outcomes.

We also explore our attachment to worldly outcomes, the importance of intention, and what it means to strive for something while leaving the results in Allah’s hands.

Because your worth isn’t determined by whether you’re married, how much money you make, how successful your business becomes or how spiritually connected you feel today.

Perhaps the better question isn’t whether you’re getting everything you want from life, but whether you’re living in a way that pleases Allah.

In this episode:

* Why you shouldn’t chase feelings, especially in your spiritual life.

* The difference between spiritual highs and istiqamah, steadfastness.

* How to stop turning your circumstances into your identity.

* Why your efforts have value even when you don’t see the results.

* How to shift your focus from worldly rewards to pleasing Allah.

A reminder to stop waiting for the perfect feeling, stop obsessing over the outcome, and start focusing on what is within your control.

With love,

Soumaya

What if the reason you keep getting attached to the wrong men has less to do with them, and more to do with what feels familiar to you?

In this deeply honest coaching session, I work with Leila, a woman who finds herself repeatedly getting attached to men who are inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or unable to give her the security and consistency she actually wants.

Leila knows the red flags are there. She can see them rationally. And yet, she still finds herself emotionally invested.

As we explore her relationships, childhood and emotional patterns, Leila begins to uncover a connection she had never fully seen before.

Her attraction to unreliable men isn’t random.

The hot and cold behaviour, the breadcrumbs of affection, the feeling of having to work for someone’s attention all feel strangely familiar.

Together, we explore the loss of her father when she was young, her relationship with her older brother, and how those early experiences shaped her understanding of love, safety and connection.

They explore attachment, the nervous system, the fixer identity, childhood wounds, emotional familiarity and the difference between what we consciously want and what our nervous system has learned to seek.

But this conversation isn’t about blaming our childhood for our adult choices.

It’s about understanding ourselves with enough compassion that we can finally begin choosing differently.

And ultimately, it’s about learning to stop looking to other people to give us the sense of worth, safety and love that we can find through our relationship with Allah.

If you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Why do I keep choosing the same kind of man when I know better?”, felt addicted to someone’s potential, or struggled to walk away from a relationship that wasn’t giving you what you needed, this conversation is for you.

Consider / Ask Yourself

* Do I feel most attracted to people who are consistent, or people I have to work to win over?

* Have I confused familiarity with compatibility?

* What kind of behaviour did I learn to associate with love growing up?

* Do I find myself wanting to rescue, fix or save the men I’m attracted to?

* What am I actually looking for when I become attached to someone who gives me very little?

* Where am I seeking from people what I need to learn to receive from Allah?

Key Insights

* Our rational mind can recognise red flags while our nervous system remains attached to what feels familiar.

* What feels like chemistry isn’t always compatibility.

* Childhood experiences can shape the types of relationships our nervous system feels drawn towards.

* Breadcrumbs of affection can become our baseline when we learned early that love and attention had to be earned.

* The desire to rescue or fix someone can sometimes be connected to our own unmet childhood needs.

* Understanding your patterns isn’t about blaming your parents or your past. It’s about taking responsibility for what you do with those patterns now.

* Healing isn’t about becoming perfectly healed before you’re worthy of healthy love.

* Reparenting means learning to give your younger self the safety, consistency and compassion she may have been missing.

* We can choose differently when we learn to recognise what is familiar without automatically mistaking it for what is good for us.

* Our relationship with Allah can become a deeper source of security and validation than constantly seeking reassurance from other people.

How to Deepen the Work

When you notice yourself becoming attached to someone who is inconsistent or unavailable, pause before acting on the attachment.

Ask yourself:

“What does this person make me feel that feels familiar?”

Then ask:

“What does the younger version of me actually need right now?”

Instead of chasing another breadcrumb, try giving that part of yourself the attention, comfort and reassurance she’s looking for.

You can also spend some time writing to your younger self, looking at an old childhood photograph, or listening to the inner child hypnosis mentioned in this episode.

And most importantly, bring the process back to Allah.

Ask Him for the kind of love, security and inner peace that no human being can provide on their own.

Work With Soumaya

If this conversation brought up patterns you know you’re ready to heal, you can work with Soumaya privately through 1:1 coaching.

Find out more and book a free clarity call here.

You can also subscribe to The Healed Sister on Substack for more reflections, tools and resources on healing, faith, relationships and becoming the woman Allah created you to be.

And if this episode resonated with you, share it with another woman who might need to hear it.

what if the hardest thing in your life right now is actually an invitation?

in this first episode of this season of the healed sister podcast, we talk about why hardship isn’t a detour from your relationship with Allah - it’s the doorway into it. for every muslim woman who’s tired of pretending she’s fine, this one’s for you.

LINKS MENTIONED:

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book a clarity call with me

subscribe to my substack

Follow the podcast and my articles on Substack: https://thehealedsister.substack.com/Come on a silent retreat with me: https://thehealedsister.myflodesk.com/u058v02tb4Which wound is keeping you stuck - Take the Feminine Audit: https://thehealedsister.involve.me/the-feminine-auditMentioned in the video:Lorenzo Hamza's post: https://substack.com/@lorenzohamza/note/c-298278804

Salaam beautiful, thank you for watching this video! Don't forget to subscribe and comment what topics you want me to cover next.Are you an aspiring life coach? Apply to join TTC, a programme that will teach you everything you need to know to coach powerfully and create a thriving coaching business: https://5ykrhdkxfi4.typeform.com/to/hA74L3iYAre you a coach looking to get more clients and needing support? Apply to join the Mastermind, a group coaching program that will help you generate more income from your coaching business: https://5ykrhdkxfi4.typeform.com/to/B9svQM4VSubmit your video to be posted on our channel: https://5ykrhdkxfi4.typeform.com/to/FB23a49ZFREE Ultimate Muslim Entrepreneur Reading List: https://beautiful-fire-411.myflodesk.com/rflmwjfd0cWant to know more about what we do, check it out here: https://thehealedsister.com/

Salaam beautiful, thank you for watching this video! Don't forget to subscribe and comment what topics you want me to cover next.Are you an aspiring life coach? Apply to join TTC, a programme that will teach you everything you need to know to coach powerfully and create a thriving coaching business: https://5ykrhdkxfi4.typeform.com/to/hA74L3iYAre you a coach looking to get more clients and needing support? Apply to join the Mastermind, a group coaching program that will help you generate more income from your coaching business: https://forms.gle/tDrikmokeqKSgMQcAFREE Ultimate Muslim Entrepreneur Reading List: https://beautiful-fire-411.myflodesk.com/rflmwjfd0c

Salaam beautiful, thank you for watching this video! Don't forget to subscribe and comment what topics you want me to cover next.Apply for The Thriving Coach - Certified Training for aspiring muslim life coaches: https://5ykrhdkxfi4.typeform.com/to/hA74L3iYAre you a coach looking to get more clients and needing support? Apply to join the Mastermind, a group coaching program that will help you generate more income from your coaching business: https://forms.gle/tDrikmokeqKSgMQcAFREE Ultimate Muslim Entrepreneur Reading List: https://beautiful-fire-411.myflodesk.com/rflmwjfd0c

Salaam habiba, I pray you're well. In this video we're reflecting on past Ramadans and preparing for the upcoming one. Everything mentioned in the video:Apply for The Thriving Coach - Certified Training for aspiring muslim life coaches - EARLY BIRD ENDS 28th FEB: https://5ykrhdkxfi4.typeform.com/to/hA74L3iYDM me if you're in the UK and want a free Thermomix demo: https://www.instagram.com/thehealedsister/Participate in Visionaire: https://www.visionaireramadan.com/destiny?sc_ref=99caID96mTX9xYx9&sc_vis=h8xuFb4BVEAsKAtT6DZl8u27W4XzqI&el=soumayaA year of Knowledge Program: https://www.jannahinstitute.org/YOKAre you a coach looking to get more clients and needing support? Apply to join the Mastermind, a group coaching program that will help you generate more income from your coaching business: https://forms.gle/tDrikmokeqKSgMQcAFREE Ultimate Muslim Entrepreneur Reading List: https://beautiful-fire-411.myflodesk.com/rflmwjfd0c