The Human Condition with Susan Marie

what were you thinking

motionless,

your last

breath

coming

soon,

like the ebb and flow

of the tide

and you, lying there

the only thing keeping you

here, with us,

for now,

your breath -

do you remember when I leaned over

whispered in your ear

oh, so softly,

to let go

that it's okay

what were you thinking

in the bed

wide eyed

staring at me

like you didn't know

did you -

that this would be it

that you were dying

that the words i whispered in your ear

were to be the last

on this earth

a single tear, i saw

rolled, ever so slowly,

out of the corner

of your left eye,

down your cheek

onto the pillow

and it spoke volumes

you were unable to

i think then you realized

this wasn't just another visit

i think then you knew

you knew -

did you know though

what was coming

did you feel me by your bedside

warming your cold hands

straightening the bed sheets

making sure you were comfortable

did you feel me there

with your eyes closed

breathing,

last breaths,

my hand on your heart

beating ever so fast

until it didn't

my heart broke then

into shards of glass

piercing my insides

for with you

left half of me

and now

i don't know who i am

i hope it was painless

i hope it was serene

i hope you are free

from the shackles of being human

i wanted to grab you out of the bed

and run away from that place

wishing i had powers of the ancients

to bring you back

to change things

to somehow

make you well

wishing anything

but that horrid, black day

burned into my frontal lobes

forever,

blinding my sight,

momentarily

i hope you can see me now

and you are proud

of who i've grown

to become

recalling that day

tears flowing from my eyes

my chest,

tight,

words stuck

in my throat,

struggling to be free,

like a thousand thrushes

trapped -

causing my voice

to crack

and break

under the weight

of the legacy

you left

© Susan Marie 2025

Dedicated to my Mother, Mary Ann

"look how it twists and turns"

look at how it twists and turns

the bend, the ridge,

in nature -

like your words,

sharp, razorlike,

sharks’ teeth in my skin

that you once held lovingly

tenderly

that you once held

you did

hold me in your heart

and kept me there safe

as I did you

in purity and bliss

like nature

how she holds dear each season

each delicate leaf

as it falls from her womb

to an early death

beauteous

wondrous

full of color

devoid of life

like you

struggling to maintain

some semblances of control

over your own

ego

like waves

crashing

we met

a breath of fresh air

you said

earnestly

empathically

our souls met and danced

like lovers

past lives

volcanic

we were

are

exactly that

and you

cannot remember

nor care to

it seems

rather focus on yourself

needs

wants

desires

and cast out those

who you see as beneath

who are truly above

and like each delicate rush of seasons

the ones who refuse to leave when new ones enter

your insecurity roars like a lion

my energy is erratic

due to your lack of integrity

honesty

authenticity

maturity

and trauma

Oh, your poor, sad unhealed inner child . . .

and on that bend

with the twists and turns

where we met again

in this life now

you have chosen to follow

the curves and winding roads

of confusion

darkness

toxicity

where you feel

most comfortable

scared to move

change

grow

be

something other than

those that accept

this mask you wear

claiming to be

someone

I know I recognized

that was our purpose

that is the message

that is the bond

eternal,

unfortunately

and you chose to break that

by judging me

this innocent

this beautiful creature set before you

that you did not deserve

in this lifetime

and in most likely the last

and I thank you

my lessons I have long learned

struggled

pained

fought and bled for

you criticized

like a microscope

holding your own imperfect lens

to my majestic growth

you failed to open your eyes

although I witnessed them working just fine

you are your own eternal damnation

your worst curse

and I believe

somewhere deep

within the mask you so proudly wear

there is a mirror

reflecting

all the souls

of those before you

ones you hurt

lied to

shamed

judged

criticized

discriminated against

and threw right under

the bus

and one day soon

hopefully right now

you feel my wrath

out of love

always out of love

although you deserve none of mine

not anymore

and are blinded profusely

by that mirror

and fall onto your knees

in humble grace

before the setting sun

before the rising dawn

in the sand and snow

grains, dirt, and earth

with feet muddied, bleeding and bare

until the crevices of mountains

you so adore

begin to bite you back

as you have so bitten others

and when mountains crumble and quake

beneath your feet

unsettled

may you feel within your chest

a thousand thrushes

waiting to be set free

and in this moment

may you hear my voice

see my face

feel the softness of my skin

hear my laughter

and the brightness in my eyes

that you so dimmed

after creating

and when you place your feet

upon that foothold

of life

may you hope by then

I have wished upon you

peace.

© Susan Marie

The Human Condition is an audio series featuring me, you and a conversation about everyday experiences, made simple.

The human condition is defined as "the characteristics, key events, and situations which compose the essentials of human existence, such as birth, growth, emotionality, aspiration, conflict, and mortality".

Episode #37 talks about three states of consciousness, resiliency, self-efficacy, meta-cognition, and variances between man and animal and the mind/body connection.

References:

Adams, W. (2010-2018). Creativity and Consciousness. Retrieved from: http://www.rosejourn.com/index.php/rose/article/view/187

Bandura, A. (1994). Self-efficacy. Retrieved from: https://www.uky.edu/~eushe2/Bandura/BanEncy.html

Campbell, J., Moyers, B. (1991). The Power of Myth. (pp. 285, 286). Print.

Chick, N. (2018). Metacognition. Retrieved from: https://cft.vanderbilt.edu/guides-sub-pages/metacognition/

Coombs, Chelsey, (2015). Do animals have consciousness? Retrieved from: http://scienceline.org/2015/03/do-animals-have-consciousness/

Dalai Lama. (2006). Living Wisdom. Introduction. Print.

Jung, C. (1971). The Portable Jung. (pp. 87). Print.

Koch, C. (2018) What Is Consciousness? Retrieved from: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-is-consciousness/

Mehta, N., Ph.D. (2011). Mind-body Dualism: A Critique from a Health Perspective. Retrieved from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3115289

Schumacher, M. (2018). What is Consciousness? Retrieved from: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-is-consciousness/

Soul, Body, Yoga. (2011). The Meaning of “AUM”. Retrieved from: http://www.soulbodyyoga.com/sby-blog-mobile/item/the-meaning-of-aum

Weinberg, J. (2018). Mind-Body Connection: Understanding the Psycho-Emotional Roots of Disease. Retrieved from: https://chopra.com/articles/mind-body-connection-understanding-the-psycho-emotional-roots-of-disease

Whitman, Walt. (1983). Song of Myself. Leaves of Grass. Print.

The Human Condition is an audio series featuring me, you and a conversation about everyday experiences, made simple.

The human condition is defined as "the characteristics, key events, and situations which compose the essentials of human existence, such as birth, growth, emotionality, aspiration, conflict, and mortality".

Episode #36 talks about the stress response, trauma, the nervous system, self-care, building resilience, calming strategies, mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and how to realistically manage self-care habits.

References:

Resilience and Self Care Basics by Dr. Sam Himelstein: https://courses.centerforadolescentstudies.com/course/resilience-and-self-care-basics-for-helping-professionals/

Tupac Shakur: The Rose That Grew From Concrete: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/151809.The_Rose_That_Grew_from_Concrete

Dave Pelzer: A Child Called “It”: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60748.A_Child_Called_It

Deep Breathing Relaxation Videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FV4n555lQ3o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vca6DyFqt4c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wemm-i6XHr8

On iTunes, Soundcloud, Amazon Music and Audible.

Peace,

Sue

a threshold, she stood,

feet, bare, body clad,

in white cotton raiment

swirling about her ankles,

as the wind

sang like a lute,

upon the still night sky.

a woman's song

carried upon the breeze,

playing with the edges

of light and dark,

night and day,

the precious time,

between

dusk and nightfall.

her ravensong

burst forth

from mouth,

wide open in awe,

chin upturned,

jawbone outlined,

tears precious

gifted in humble grace,

against the light

of the coming

of fresh eve.

the lyrics

danced around her shoulders,

tickling them just so -

tussling hair,

three feet long -

burnt sienna skied tresses.

a dreamcatcher

she was,

weaving lives

within lives,

connecting the dots,

with her fingertip raised

pointed at stars,

moving them

across Father Sky -

to meld into one another -

just

like

lovers.

this is her solace -

the ancient firmament

where Gods and Goddesses exist,

eternal,

where celestial wars rage,

she pulls both arms outward

with heart, full -

like some majestic holy crucifixion

and met the maelstrom head on -

for this

is

all

she

knows.

- forward -

and she jumps

happily,

into this rebirth,

this knowing and unknowing,

learning and unlearning,

growing and dying,

smiling while screaming inside -

to lead

not only herself

but others -

into the great abyss,

the infinite chasm,

the unknown universe,

the holy grail,

the swan songs of birds,

the most precious calling

to the wild souls of nature,

beyond all

that

is.

a threshold, she stood

feet, bare, body clad,

in white cotton raiment

swirling about her ankles

as the wind

sang like a lute

upon the still night sky.

Words & Audio © Susan Marie

Artwork © Cate Parr

https://www.pinterest.com/cateparr/

Poetry and Spoken Word by me. I have missed writing, taking a break from my podcast to be creative.

The Human Condition is an audio series featuring me, you and a conversation about everyday experiences, made simple.

The human condition is defined as "the characteristics, key events, and situations which compose the essentials of human existence, such as birth, growth, emotionality, aspiration, conflict, and mortality".

Episode #35 is Part III, please listen to Episode #33 & 34:

Part I: https://soundcloud.com/susan-marie/33-the-human-condition-with-susan-marie-covid-moderate-101-yeah-this-is-me

Part II: https://soundcloud.com/susan-marie/34-the-human-condition-with-susan-marie-part-ii-covid-moderate-101-day-10

This is my ongoing experience with Moderate COVID-19 and this podcast includes rational data, my personal experience, advice, unusual symptoms, aseptic technique, differences between COVID testing/Antibody testing/Convalescent Plasma, How Micro droplets suspend in air and helpful things for all of us to keep us healthy. This is the last podcast I am doing on my personal experience. Thankfully, I recovered. Not everyone is so lucky.

Please share, subscribe and follow on iTunes, Google Play Music, Spotify and Soundcloud. Just search "Susan Marie, The Human Condition."

References:

Cytokine Storms: https://www.webmd.com/lung/news/20200417/cytokine-storms-may-be-fueling-some-covid-deaths

Blood Clotting: https://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-coronavirus-usa-blood/alarmed-as-covid-patients-blood-thickened-new-york-doctors-try-new-treatments-idUSKCN22421Z

https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2020/04/24/strokes-coronavirus-young-patients/

Effects on the Brain: https://www.wired.com/story/what-does-covid-19-do-to-your-brain/

Mental Health: https://www.medscape.org/viewarticle/927485

Micro droplets suspending in air video: https://vimeo.com/402577241

CDC Mask Info: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/prevent-getting-sick/diy-cloth-face-coverings.html

Aseptic Technique: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lumZOF-METc

Peace,

Susan Marie

The Human Condition is an audio series featuring me, you and a conversation about everyday experiences, made simple.

The human condition is defined as "the characteristics, key events, and situations which compose the essentials of human existence, such as birth, growth, emotionality, aspiration, conflict, and mortality".

Episode #34 is Part II, please listen to Episode #33, Part I: https://soundcloud.com/susan-marie/33-the-human-condition-with-susan-marie-covid-moderate-101-yeah-this-is-me first.

This is my ongoing experience with Moderate COVID-19 and this podcast includes rational data, my personal experience so far, advice from my doc, unusual symptoms to watch for, and helpful things for all of us to keep us healthy. There may be a Part III to this, I am now on Day 10. Prayers and support much appreciated.

Please share, subscribe and follow on iTunes, Google Play Music, Spotify and Soundcloud. Just search "Susan Marie, The Human Condition."

As a creative professional, if you are so inclined, there is a donate button on Soundcloud: https://www.paypal.me/SusanMarieNYwww.paypal.me

References:

Coronavirus symptoms: 10 key indicators and what to do: https://www.cnn.com/2020/04/15/health/10-key-coronavirus-symptoms-wellness/index.html

Breathing exercises, maintaining lung function: www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IHDtpp0M…&feature=youtu.be

CDC Self Checker: www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html

Peace,

Susan Marie

The Human Condition is an audio series featuring me, you and a conversation about everyday experiences, made simple.

The human condition is defined as "the characteristics, key events, and situations which compose the essentials of human existence, such as birth, growth, emotionality, aspiration, conflict, and mortality".

Episode #33 covers COVID-19, my experience with it, I am currently diagnosed with Moderate COVID and this podcast includes rational data, my personal experience so far, advice from my doc, unusual symptoms to watch for, and helpful things for all of us to keep us healthy. There may be a Part II to this, I am now on Day 6 and days 4-10 are the test to see if things get better or things get worse. Prayers and support much appreciated.

Please share, subscribe and follow on iTunes, Google Play Music, Spotify and Soundcloud. Just search "Susan Marie, The Human Condition. As a creative professional, if you are so inclined, there is a donate button on Soundcloud: https://www.paypal.me/SusanMarieNY

References:

Dark Night of the Soul: https://healthypsych.com/navigating-the-dark-night-of-the-soul/

Breathing exercises, maintaining lung function: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IHDtpp0MqA&feature=youtu.be

CDC Self Checker: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html

Peace,

Susan Marie

The Human Condition is a 10-15 minute audio series featuring me, you and a conversation about everyday experiences, made simple.

The human condition is defined as "the characteristics, key events, and situations which compose the essentials of human existence, such as birth, growth, emotionality, aspiration, conflict, and mortality".

Episode #32 covers lessons I learned from watching birds, from a sparrow, regarding the middle way, mindfulness, crisis, compassion, kindness and facing self and others with authenticity.

Please share, subscribe and follow on iTunes: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-…ie/id1455068968

Google Play Music: play.google.com/music/listen#/ps/…xqb4t2goivrphpfoa

Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/2a8dhXBEkVwbgnVFGj5WsC

Soundcloud: @susan-marie

References:

Pandemic Resources: https://jackkornfield.com/pandemic-resources/

Meditation: Compassion in the Time of Coronavirus: https://jackkornfield.com/compassion-in-the-time-of-coronavirus/

The Bodhisattva Response to Coronavirus: https://jackkornfield.com/the-bodhisattva-response-to-the-virus/

Peace,

Susan Marie