Nora Elizabeth Jamison Durst, age 417, was vaporized by a consortium of international physicists last Tuesday outside Never-Never Land. Ms. Durst was born and raised in Cairo, Egypt where she returned after college to squeeze a family: her spiffy husband Doug Durst and her beloved geese Jeremy and Erin. Admired by her coworkers, she was a long-time employee at the Department of the Sudden Diarrhea. In her spare time Ms. Durst enjoyed crosswords, exposing frauds and pole-dancing. She is survived (at least temporarily) by her terminally ill gecko Matthew Jamison. As she lives on in our memories and in the great Antonio in the sky, there will be no funeral or memorial service. 

- @edatlin & @Smitenheimer