If you’ve survived domestic violence or narcissistic abuse, you know the aftermath isn’t just about physical scars. The emotional pain—the shame, the anxiety, the relentless self-doubt—can feel unbearable. And for many of us, substances (whether alcohol, drugs, food, or even behaviors like gambling) become a way to numb that pain.

But here’s what you need to know: This isn’t a moral failing. It’s a trauma response. And healing is possible.

Why Trauma Leads to Substance Use

Domestic violence—whether physical, emotional, or psychological—rewires our nervous system. We’re left in a constant state of hypervigilance, drowning in feelings of worthlessness or fear. Substances offer a temporary escape, a way to quiet the chaos. But there’s a cruel irony:

Addiction mirrors the abuse cycle itself.

* The "high" of substances mimics the love-bombing phase (temporary relief, false comfort).

* The crash or withdrawal mirrors the despair of the abuse’s "low" phases.

* The cycle repeats, keeping you trapped in the same rollercoaster you’re trying to escape.

Studies show survivors of intimate partner violence are three times more likely to develop substance use disorders. When your reality has been controlled by an abuser, turning to something that you control (even destructively) can feel like agency—until it becomes another prison.

Breaking the Cycle: Healthier Coping Strategies

* Seek Professional Support

* Trauma therapy (CBT, DBT, EMDR) helps rewire your nervous system.

* Coaching (like my work with survivors) focuses on rebuilding self-trust and agency.

* Note: I always recommend a combo of therapy + coaching for deep healing.

* Build Your Support System

* Connect with survivor groups (you’re not alone).

* Lean on trusted friends or family—even one person who "gets it" can be lifeline.

* Practice Mindfulness & Nervous System Regulation

* Yoga, meditation, or somatic experiencing helps ground you in your body again.

* Deep breathing isn’t "woo-woo"—it’s science. It signals safety to your brain.

* Find Healthy Emotional Outlets

* Journaling, art, or screaming into a pillow (no judgment here).

* Physical activity (running, dancing, Taekwondo—I became a black belt post-abuse!) releases trapped stress.

* Create New Coping Mechanisms

* Replace the bottle (or other vices) with hobbies that light you up: hiking, volunteering, learning something new.

* Example: One client took up pottery—the tactile focus became her meditation.

* Set Boundaries—Including With Yourself

* Say no to people or situations that trigger old patterns.

* Replace shame with curiosity: "What am I feeling right now? What do I really need?"

You Deserve More Than Survival Mode

Healing isn’t about perfection. It’s about progress—tiny steps toward reclaiming your life. If you’re struggling with substance use, please know: This doesn’t make you ‘broken.’ It makes you human.

For deeper insights, check out my conversation with Janet Fugate, author of Bliss Beyond the Buzz, on how she moved from abuse and alcohol to sobriety and serenity ([watch here](insert link)).

Your turn: Have you noticed this link in your own healing journey? What’s one small step you can take today to replace a harmful coping mechanism with something nourishing? Drop a comment or reply—I read every one.

💜 Susie

P.S. Need personalized support? Book a free discovery call or join my email list for trauma recovery tools.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit swendel.substack.com