We all bring ourselves to parenthood, whether we want to or not. Ourselves being the people we were before we became parents, and in many ways will continue to be after becoming parents. Our traits, quirks, strengths, and yes, our weaknesses, come along too. Perfectionism was in my luggage for the journey of parenthood. In some ways, parenting really helped me crack that can of worms open and led to investigating its tricky ways that were leading me astray. Which has certainly been a good thing. But before this ongoing (definitely still a work in progress) experience of self-growth on the perfectionism front, it certainly made a hard thing harder.

Books and essays mentioned:

Ellen Hendriksen, PhD, author of How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists*,

Clarissa Ong, PhD, and Michael P. Twohig, PhD, authors of The Anxious Perfectionist: How to Manage Perfectionism -Driven Anxiety Using Acceptance & Commitment Therapy*

Jessica Slice , author of Unfit Parent: A Disabled Mother Challenges an Inaccessible World*

Amber Groomes,Ph.D. (she/her) post, Why Living Our Values Means Accepting Painful Feelings .

Related reading:

* This one from Sara Petersen on The Life-Changing Magic of Mediocrity

* Ellen Hendriksen, author of the book, How to Be Good Enough, mentioned above also writes a Substack, How to Be Good to Yourself When you’re Hard on Yourself, which offers some great insights like this one on inner critics (in flow chart form).

* And I can always count on Marika Páez Wiesen, who writes Living the In-Between Times, to tackle the persistence of perfectionism in our lives

There are so many threads of perfectionism to pull when it comes to it’s intersection with parenthood and would love to continue to explore the topic with you readers. Share in the comments if there is anywhere you would like to go in the future.

Dear readers, may you allow for more connection over perfection this week.

Back to the mess of it all,

Kathryn

*I am an affiliate of bookshop.org. If you purchase through this link, I will earn a small commission (at no extra cost to you)

As always—Just a little reminder: The content on A Wonderful Mess posted by Dr. Kathryn Barbash, PsyD, is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for medical, clinical, legal, or professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information provided is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your licensed mental health professional or other qualified health provider.

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