The Long Middle

This was a riveting chat. Dennis Baker spent nearly 35 years in federal law enforcement, from DEA street agent and SWAT team member to helicopter / fixed wing pilot, and he’s one of the most grounded people I know. A deep dive on identity, trust, faith, family, and the quiet strength that comes from knowing you don’t have to control every outcome. We talk about what the job does to you when you bring it home, why the most meaningful moments never happen on a screen, and why you never run from something, you always run to something.

Key Discussion Points: 

• Why your job should never define who you are
• Failing out of the Coast Guard Academy and finding a better path
• Letting life take you where it’s going, and being the paddler, not the rudder
• Delivering a death notification on 9/11
• What a career in law enforcement does to your mind, and getting help for it
• Making a career leap at 40 and learning from the oldest instructor you can find
• Welcoming two Ukrainian girls into the family, and what it taught him about being chosen
• Retiring on fire instead of petering out

Follow The Long Middle Podcast:
Instagram.com/thelongmiddlepodcast

Follow Mark:
Instagram.com/marksnrec

Timeline
00:00 to 02:07 · What 35 years taught him: the job isn’t your identity
02:07 to 09:13 · A Missouri farm kid and the uncle who made his world bigger
09:13 to 13:39 · Washing out of the Coast Guard Academy
13:39 to 17:42 · A dozen roses for the wrong Linda
17:42 to 22:32 · DEA Academy, crack cocaine, and Reno’s meth boom
22:32 to 29:34 · Let the investigation take you where it goes. Be the paddler, not the rudder.
29:34 to 38:31 · 9/11, a death notification, and coming face to face with death
38:31 to 46:21 · When the job comes home: hypervigilance, therapy, and zero trust
46:21 to 54:45 · One ceramic plate, one round, and the brotherhood that holds
54:45 to 62:00 · Learning to fly at 40 with old Colonel Ken Kellogg
62:00 to 66:18 · Never run from something. Always run to something.
66:18 to 69:39 · Where quiet strength comes from
69:39 to 75:20 · Missed events, “I hate your job, Dad,” and a story still being written
75:20 to 77:58 · Becoming legal guardians to two Ukrainian girls
77:58 to 82:27 · Meaning off the screen, pack rafting, and legacy
82:27 to 87:33 · Retirement: going out on fire, not petering out

This was a powerful one. On January 7, 2025, Joseph King Barkley went to sleep at a friend’s place, sure the Eaton fire was still miles from his home in Altadena. At 4:44 AM his phone rang, and by morning the only thing left standing was the fireplace. A deep dive on grief, achiever mode, the whisper that says you’re not enough, and the question his coach asked him 48 hours after the fire. We talk about what a home really is, why crisis doesn’t build character but X-rays it, and how his family chose what story to tell. No silver lining speech, just real wisdom on how to navigate crisis.

Key Discussion Points:

• The 4:44 AM call and “pray it burns down”
• What a home really is
• Putting the scared toddler in the back seat
• Why high performers skip the inner work
• What he built before the fire that carried him through
• Your worst-case future is make-believe too
• Crisis doesn’t build character, it X-rays it
• The Enneagram 3 whisper: am I enough?
• Earning love vs. feeling like you don’t deserve it

Follow The Long Middle Podcast:
Instagram.com/thelongmiddlepodcast

Follow Joseph:
Instagram.com/josephkingbarkley/

Follow Mark:
Instagram.com/marksnrec

Timeline
00:00 to 05:28 · The 4:44 AM call and “pray it burns down”
05:28 to 09:25 · His wife’s question, and what a home really is
09:25 to 11:05 · 100 mph winds and a hurricane of fire
11:05 to 15:03 · One outfit, two pairs of underwear, and a head start
15:03 to 17:00 · The night Disneyland burned in his dreams
17:00 to 21:23 · Putting the scared toddler in the back seat
21:23 to 25:23 · Why high performers skip the inner work
25:23 to 32:20 · What he built before the fire that carried him through it
32:20 to 37:13 · “Was that the best life will ever get?”
37:13 to 43:27 · Your worst-case future is make believe too
43:27 to 48:31 · Crisis doesn’t build character. It X-rays it.
48:31 to 55:21 · The Enneagram 3 whisper: am I enough?
55:21 to 63:44 · Earning love vs. feeling like you don’t deserve it
63:44 to 67:15 · 25 years married, a 50th party, and breaking ground

Books Mentioned

• The Life-Changing Art of Self-Brain Surgery by Dr. W. Lee Warren
• The Inner Game of Tennis by W. Timothy Gallwey
• Lovable by Kelly Flanagan

More Ways to Connect with Joseph

• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/josephkingbarkley/
• Novus Global: https://novus.global/josephkingbarkley/
• Personal Website: https://www.josephkingbarkley.com/

This was a raw one. I’ve known David Gerber for 20 years, and in March 2020 a friend told him, “I don’t think your wife likes you.” What followed was the end of a 10-year marriage and 18 months in the darkest place of his life. A deep dive on grief, heartbreak, numbness, and the slow work of coming alive again, one track at a time. We talk about the future you mourn when a marriage ends, why ice baths can become punishment instead of healing, and what he learned from five wild lions with no fence between them. I was there for part of it, including a bull elephant that stared us down. David now leads excursions every year to Africa to invite others into tracking lions on foot.

Key Discussion Points:

• The comment that ended a 10-year marriage
• Grieving the future you never got
• Feeling fine after divorce, then crashing
• Why he moved past talk therapy
• Using ice baths to punish, not heal
• Five lions, no fence, and the first spark
• A lioness charging from six feet away
• You don’t lay the tracks, the lions do
• Finding aliveness one experiment at a time

Know someone in their own dark season? Send them this one.

Follow The Long Middle Podcast:

Instagram.com/thelongmiddlepodcast

Follow David:
Instagram.com/davidgerber

Follow Mark: 

Instagram.com/marksnrec

Timeline

03:00 to 07:18 · The anniversary trip that looked like a comeback

07:18 to 11:00 · Feeling fine, then drawing himself drowning

11:00 to 15:00 · He booked horse therapy on Airbnb

15:00 to 22:27 · Ice baths, a dirt bike crash, and one choice: feel or die

22:27 to 26:10 · His advice for anyone in the darkest stretch

26:10 to 32:56 · The helmet, the mirror, and a lion at age 15

32:56 to 37:13 · Five lions, 40 yards, no fence

37:13 to 42:30 · What a lion’s growl is really saying

42:30 to 47:53 · A lioness stops six feet away

47:53 to 56:16 · What 99% of lion tracking really looks like

56:16 to 63:05 · A buffalo hunt 60 yards from dinner

63:05 to 71:19 · Frozen in front of a bull elephant

71:19 to 81:01 · Why getting close to pain makes you alive

81:01 to 83:53 · What he’d tell himself before that conversation

More Ways to Connect with David

• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidagerber
• Website: davidagerber.com
• Novus Global: https://novus.global/davidgerber/