The Long Obedience

Ask most men who they are, and they'll tell you what they do. In this episode, Michael explores what work is for and what it isn't. Work isn't a curse. God gave Adam a job in Genesis 2, before anything went wrong, and the thorns and thistles came later. Michael names the two ditches men fall into: making work an idol that swallows their marriage and family, or coasting through it doing the bare minimum. Between them runs the road of Colossians 3:23: whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord. He also looks at how a man's work shapes the people at home, from the wife who gets his leftover energy to the kids learning what a job is for. The episode closes with practical steps and a hard question for every husband and father: Does your family get the best of you, or the rest of you?

On Father’s Day 2021, Michael preached, then drove to the airport to do something he knew was wrong. For nine hours in the Tampa airport, one sentence wouldn’t leave him alone: Go home. He didn’t. Three weeks later, his marriage ended.

In this bonus episode, Michael shares the story behind his new book, Nevertheless: Living Faithfully with What Forgiveness Doesn’t Fix. Drawing on Nathan’s words to David in 2 Samuel 12, he explores the difference between guilt and regret, the long middle after a collapse, the danger of sentencing yourself, and the hope of the chapter after. For every man who has been forgiven and still lives with consequences, and for the man still sitting in his own airport.

Nevertheless is available from Start2Finish Books at start2finish.org. —> https://start2finish.org/shop/p/nevertheless-living-faithfully-with-what-forgiveness-doesnt-fix

Pre-order "Nevertheless: Living Faithfully with What Forgiveness Doesn’t Fix" —> https://start2finish.org/shop/p/nevertheless-living-faithfully-with-what-forgiveness-doesnt-fix

Michael distinguishes doubt from unbelief — doubt is an open door, not a closed one — and walks through the biblical heroes who wrestled with questions: Abraham laughed at God's promise, David cried out in the Psalms, John the Baptist asked from prison if Jesus was really the one, and Thomas demanded proof. He explores why doubt shows up: suffering, intellectual questions, disappointment with the church, spiritual dryness. The practical section covers what not to do (pretend, isolate, demand certainty, confuse feelings with reality) and what to actually do: bring it to God, tell someone, go back to what you know, keep showing up, and pursue the questions honestly. The episode closes with hope — doubt may be a sign your faith is growing up, not falling apart.

Michael pushes back against the chest-thumping version of Christian masculinity, reclaiming gentleness as a Christlike virtue the church has abandoned. The Greek word for gentle describes a wild horse that's been tamed — all the power still there, but under control. Jesus cleared the temple with a whip and stood silent before Pilate; he had all the power in the universe and chose restraint. Gentleness at home means making your wife feel safe, being a place your kids can fail without being crushed, and extending grace to yourself in the mirror. The episode closes with practical steps: spend time with Jesus, pay attention to your body, ask the people closest to you for honest feedback, and practice in low-stakes moments. The church doesn't need more loud men; it needs men strong enough to be soft.

Michael opens with two men from the same church—one wealthy and terrified, one modest and free—to show that money is not neutral. Jesus talked about money more than almost any other topic because it reveals what we actually trust and worship. He names the lies money tells: more will be enough, money equals safety, your earnings are your worth, and providing means earning. The antidote is generosity—not the scraps left over, but first-fruits giving that breaks money's grip on your soul. The practical section covers giving first, talking about money with your wife, defining "enough," holding it loosely, and modeling generosity for your kids. The homework asks men to look at three months of giving and ask whether it reflects what they say they believe.

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Michael argues that the phone in your pocket is not neutral. It’s a machine designed by the smartest engineers on the planet to capture your attention, and it’s winning. Your wife sees a man who’s not fully there. Your kids see a man who’d rather look at a screen than at them. And you see a man who can’t sit still with his own thoughts. Theologically, he frames attention as the currency of love: you cannot love God, your wife, or your kids with a fragmented mind. The practical section gives concrete handles like checking your screen time, creating phone-free zones, turning off notifications, deleting the apps that own you, and replacing the habit with something better. The goal isn’t productivity. It’s presence. The episode closes with the homework of creating one phone-free zone in the home this week.

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Michael names the loneliness epidemic among men — fewer close friendships than at any point in history — and explores why it’s so hard: men are socialized to compete rather than connect, terrified of being seen as weak, and have no model for what deep friendship looks like. Looking at David and Jonathan and Jesus with his inner circle, he builds a picture of what real friendship involves: honesty, consistency, and mutual burden-bearing. The practical section walks through how to actually build this: start with who you already know, be the one who initiates, go first with vulnerability, commit to consistency, and let it be awkward at first. The stakes are high — men without friends are more likely to struggle with addiction, failing marriages, and faith that doesn’t survive crisis. The episode closes with a challenge to reach out to one man this week and take one step below the surface.

Michael addresses the spiritual dryness almost every man experiences but few talk about — the seasons when you're doing all the right things and feeling absolutely nothing. Drawing on Psalm 42, Psalm 88, and Elijah's burnout in 1 Kings 19, he normalizes the experience and explores its causes: neglect, unconfessed sin, exhaustion, or a season of growth you can't see yet. The practical section focuses on what to do when your family still needs you to show up but you're running on fumes: stop expecting to feel something every time, change your rhythms without abandoning your convictions, tell someone, serve others, and preach truth to yourself. The episode closes with permission to lead your family honestly through a dry season rather than faking a faith you're not feeling.

In this episode, I assert that conflict isn't the enemy of intimacy — avoidance is. Every fight you refuse to have, every hard conversation you sidestep, doesn't disappear; it goes underground and builds until something explodes. I name the ways men fight badly — stonewalling, defending instead of hearing, counterattacking, and fighting to win — and then walks through what healthy conflict actually looks like: slowing down, listening to understand, owning your part quickly, fighting for the relationship instead of victory, and repairing fast. The episode closes with the insight that most fights aren't really about what they seem to be about; underneath the surface issue is a deeper question about trust, presence, or worth.

Building on Deuteronomy 6, I argue that faith is caught in the ordinary moments, not taught in the formal ones. Your kids are learning how to treat their future spouse by watching how you treat yours, learning how to handle failure by watching how you handle yours, and learning whether God is real by watching whether he’s real to you. I get practical about what this looks like: presence over performance, letting your kids see your faith in real time, asking better questions, and refusing to outsource discipleship to the church. The episode closes with hope for fathers who feel they’ve already blown it—it’s not too late to start being present, and it’s definitely not too late to apologize.