The Torah contains laws that govern diverse aspects of our lives. The Parsha of Kedoshim includes many rules that regulate how man relates to humanity around him. These obligations express an array of values.

ויקרא יט (יז) לֹֽא־תִשְׂנָ֥א אֶת־אָחִ֖יךָ בִּלְבָבֶ֑ךָ הוֹכֵ֤חַ תּוֹכִ֙יחַ֙ אֶת־עֲמִיתֶ֔ךָ וְלֹא־תִשָּׂ֥א עָלָ֖יו חֵֽטְא׃

Vayikra 19 (17) You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your fellow, but you shall not bear a sin on his account.

It is a biblical obligation to provide feedback to one’s fellow regarding his behavior. We are commanded to avoid harboring hatred in our heart, and rather to express our concerns verbally.

Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch - Commentary on Vayikra 19:17

In our verse we are told: Do not hate your brother in your heart, but reprove him, to bring him to self-awareness. This, then, is the duty incumbent upon us, whenever it seems to us that someone has wronged us: We are to forget the wrong and not allow it to affect our attitude toward him; or, if we are incapable of this, we must not allow dark hatred to arise in our heart, but are to reprove him candidly and directly, and thus enable him to explain or make amends for his conduct…

Rav Hirsch explains that we are required to address a perceived wrong with our fellow. Ideally we should not take it personally, but even if this is difficult, we cannot simply let the perceived wrong fuel a negative attitude toward him. We must give him the opportunity to explain and provide context. The Rambam formulates this biblical command in his book of mitzvot:

Rambam - Book of Mitzvot - Positive Commandments

The 205th mitzvah is that we are commanded to admonish a person who is performing a transgression or who is preparing to do so. One must verbally warn him and admonish him. We are not allowed to say, "I will not sin; and if someone else sins, that is between him and G‑d." This [attitude] is contrary to Torah. Rather, we are commanded not to transgress, nor to allow another Jew to transgress…

The Rambam explains that this mitzvah requires us to verbally engage with others regarding their transgressions. We do not simply say that someone else’s challenges are irrelevant to us. The Torah requires a degree of interpersonal awareness and collective responsibility.

We know from personal experience that providing effective feedback is a significant challenge. This makes providing feedback difficult. People do not want to be criticized and are by nature are resistant to feedback. The Gemara acknowledges this issue and discusses a guiding principle that provides some parameters:

תלמוד בבלי – יבמות סה:

ואמר רבי אילעא משום ר' אלעזר בר' שמעון כשם שמצוה על אדם לומר דבר הנשמע כך מצוה על אדם שלא לומר דבר שאינו נשמע רבי אבא אומר חובה שנאמר {משלי ט':ח'} אל תוכח לץ פן ישנאך הוכח לחכם ויאהבך.

Talmud Bavli - Yevamot 65b

The Gemara cites other statements made by Rabbi Ile’a in the name of Rabbi Elazar, son of Rabbi Shimon. And Rabbi Ile’a said in the name of Rabbi Elazar, son of Rabbi Shimon: Just as it is a mitzva for a person to say that which will be heeded, so is it a mitzva for a person not to say that which will not be heeded. One should not rebuke those who will be unreceptive to his message. Rabbi Abba says: It is obligatory for him to refrain from speaking, as it is stated: “Do not reprove a scorner lest he hate you; reprove a wise man and he will love you” (Proverbs 9:8).

מאירי יבמות סה:

אע"פ שאמרו הוכח תוכיח את עמיתך אפילו מאה פעמים דוקא בשיודע שהוא מקבל או בסתם ר"ל שאינו יודע אם יקבל אם לאו אבל כל שיודע בו שאינו מקבל אינו חייב בכך אדרבה מוזהר הוא שלא להשליך פניניו לפניו או לפניהם והוא שאמרו כשם שאדם מצווה לומר דבר הנשמע כך מצווה שלא לומר דבר שאינו נשמע שנאמר אל תוכח לץ פן ישנאך הוכח לחכם ויאהבך:

Meiri - Yevamot 65b

Even though [the Torah] says, “you shall surely rebuke your fellow”, even one hundred times, this is specifically when it will be accepted or in general, meaning you don’t know if it will be accepted or not. But anyone who knows that will not be accepted, not only is one not obligated with giving rebuke, but we are warned not to bring up the issue, as it says [in the Gemara], just as one is obligated to say what will be listened to, so one is correspondingly obligated not to say what will be ignored. As it says, “do not rebuke the cynic lest he hate you, rebuke the wise and he will love you” (Mishlei 9:8).

The Meiri explains clearly that despite the obligation to give feedback, this only applies when one knows it will be accepted or by default. But if one knows it will not be accepted, we are warned not to give feedback that will be rejected. He quotes a verse in Proverbs stating that rebuking a cynic will only create hatred. It is the wise that will appreciate receiving feedback.

תלמוד בבלי – ערכין טז:

תניא א"ר טרפון (תמיהני) אני אם יש בדור הזה שמקבל תוכחה אם אמר לו טול קיסם מבין עיניך אמר לו טול קורה מבין עיניך אמר רבי אלעזר בן עזריה תמיהני אם יש בדור הזה שיודע להוכיח.

Talmud Bavli - Arachin 16b

It is taught in a baraita that Rabbi Tarfon says: I would be surprised if there is anyone in this generation who can receive rebuke. Why? Because if the one rebuking says to him: Remove the splinter from between your eyes, i.e., rid yourself of a minor infraction, the other says to him: Remove the beam from between your eyes, i.e., you have committed far more severe sins. Rabbi Elazar ben Azaria says: I would be surprised if there is anyone in this generation who knows how to rebuke correctly, without embarrassing the person he is rebuking.

The Gemara builds off the principle stated in Proverbs and articulated by the Meiri. Indeed, only the wise appreciate feedback. Rebbe Tarfon and Rebbe Elazar ben Azaria acknowledge that only people operating on a certain level, perhaps even absent in their generation, are capable of receiving or providing effective feedback. Rav Hirsch outlines an important premise and factor:

Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch - Commentary on Vayikra 19:17

The mitzvah of rebuke is based on Areivut, the principle that all Jews are responsible for one another as regards fulfillment of the mitzvos. If this mitzvah were to be realized in practice, it would transform the moral aspect of the entire world. But it cannot be realized in full, unless moral awareness has spread throughout all layers of society - an exalted level that, as our Sages lamented centuries ago, has not been attained. For the mitzvah to reprove depends on the readiness to accept reproof. If all are obligated to reprove one another, they must also be ready to accept reproof one from another. Recognizing the objective value of the mitzvah, they must be willing to drop their concern for their own personal interest. Rebbe Tarfon, in his time, lamented: "I doubt if there is anyone in this generation who is ready to accept reproof. If he is told: ‘Remove the splinter from between your teeth; he replies: 'Remove the beam from between your eyes"(Arachin 16b). However, Rebbe Elazar ben Azariah, his contemporary, countered: "I doubt if anyone in this generation knows how to reprove (ibid.).

Rav Hirsch explains that in order for this mitzvah to be successfully actualized, there must be an orientation across society toward moral development. When this value is pervasive, people will be open to receiving feedback. Perhaps even on the side of giving feedback, it is only artfully and effectively executed when it springs from a genuine desire to facilitate and support the development of others. Similar to the Rambam, the individual must have an awareness of his responsibility to others, and the group of individuals must collectively share this ideal. Only a society that values personal development can harness their collective power to advance together.

References

Hirsch, R. S. R. (2008). Hirsch Chumash: Sefer Vayikra. Jerusalem - New York: Feldheim Publishers.

Maimonides, M., Bell, B. (2007). Sefer HaMitzvos. New York: SIE Pub. Retrieved from: https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/940209/jewish/Sefer-Hamitzvot-Translation.htm

Rosenberg, A. (1980). A new English translation of the Hebrew Bible text and Rashi, with a commentary digest. New York: Judaica Press. Retrieved from: https://www.chabad.org/library/bible_cdo/

Steinsaltz, A., In Weinreb, T. H., In Schreier, J., & Hotsaat Koren (Jerusalem),. (2017). Koren Talmud Bavli, the Noe edition: Talmud Bavli. Retrieved from: https://shas.alhatorah.org/

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