What would you do if you discovered your Neil Breen-esque religious studies professor was, in fact, a 14,000-year-old man who has paraded around the globe changing identities in secret while also becoming the inspiration for the one and only Jesus Christ -- you know, from Christianity? If your answer is stalk, kidnap, and attempt to kill them before your fanatical friends start a new religion, good news, you're gonna love this movie. You're also going to love this movie if you are just obsessed when movies have absolutely nothing important to say about anything.

Art by Jade Dickinson: @jadesketches on Instagram

Custom soundbites by Jason Deline: @delineman on Instagram

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"Eighties Action" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/