The Middle To Nowhere

What if the emotions we spend so much energy trying to avoid are actually some of our greatest teachers?

Sadness, grief, anger, shame, fear... we often see these emotions as problems to fix, obstacles to overcome, or feelings we need to move past as quickly as possible. But what if, instead of running from them, we learned to sit with them, listen to them, and get curious about what they're trying to tell us?

In this episode of The Middle to Nowhere, we explore why so many of us, especially men, struggle to make space for difficult emotions, and how learning to be present with our pain can open the door to healing, self-understanding, and unexpected wisdom.

I also share a deeply personal story about one of the first times I truly allowed myself to sit with my own sadness, including a journal entry I wrote in the middle of that experience and the powerful insights that emerged.

Maybe our emotions aren't something we need to escape. Maybe they're invitations to understand ourselves more deeply.

Take what resonates, and leave the rest.

In this episode, I share something tender I’ve been sitting with—the shame I sometimes feel around being sad. In this episode, I explore where that shame comes from, how it ties into the belief that I need to “have it all together,” and what happens when I begin to challenge that story.

I also talk about the counterintuitive instinct to isolate when we’re depressed, and how that might actually be part of a deeper message—both personally and collectively. Drawing on wisdom from spiritual teachers, evolutionary psychology, and my own journal pages, I ask: What if everything—yes, even the sadness—is part of a larger plan calling us back to connection?

If you’ve ever felt ashamed of your sadness, like you’re doing something wrong by feeling low, or like you’re not allowed to struggle because others have it worse—this one’s for you.

In this short episode, I open up about what feels like a spiritual drought—those seasons when my once-vivid sense of connection and expansion feels distant. Reading from a recent journal entry, I wrestle with the tendency to judge where I am now against past mountaintop moments and the longing to return to a state of clarity and divine encounters.

Using the metaphor of trees and their seasonal cycles, I explore the importance of honoring times of dormancy, trusting that even in stillness, the roots are deepening. I reflect on my own habit of chasing spiritual highs, the need for integration, and the necessity of embracing the full spectrum of emotions.

This episode is an invitation to release self-judgment, lean into trust, and recognize that growth is happening, even when it’s unseen. If you’re navigating your own spiritual winter, I hope this perspective brings you reassurance that the seasons always turn, and the harvest will come again.

In this deeply reflective episode, I sit down with Hunt Priest, an Episcopal priest and founder of Ligare.org, to explore the transformative power of sacred plant medicines. Hunt shares his journey from traditional ministry to participating in a groundbreaking study on psilocybin at Johns Hopkins, where he experienced a profound spiritual awakening. Together, we dive into how these experiences reshaped his understanding of faith, spirituality, and even his relationships. We discuss the intersection of psychedelics with Christian mysticism, the potential for healing within the church, and what it means to live a fully integrated, awakened life. This conversation is full of vulnerability, wisdom, and hope as we envision a future where ancient practices and modern science come together for the healing of ourselves and the earth. Whether you’re curious about psychedelics, spiritual growth, or the evolving role of Christianity in today’s world, this episode will open your mind and heart.

Chapter 1: Introduction & Hunt Priest’s Background

Time Stamp: 00:00 - 05:30

In this section, Hunt shares his upbringing in a small Kentucky town, his spiritual roots in the Episcopal church, and his journey through seminary, setting the stage for his later involvement in the study on psilocybin at Johns Hopkins.

Chapter 2: Psilocybin and Spiritual Awakening

Time Stamp: 05:31 - 19:00

Hunt discusses his participation in the 2016 psilocybin study at Johns Hopkins and how this profound experience changed his understanding of his faith and spirituality, opening new doors to personal transformation.

Chapter 3: The Intersection of Psychedelics and Christianity

Time Stamp: 19:01 - 32:30

Here, Hunt and I explore the integration of psychedelic experiences with the Christian tradition, including how psilocybin can help individuals reconnect with their faith and how the church might respond to the growing interest in psychedelics for healing and spiritual growth.

Chapter 4: Ligare and Expanding Ministry Beyond the Church

Time Stamp: 32:31 - 45:00

Hunt shares the inspiration behind founding Ligare, an organization aimed at bridging the gap between Christian mysticism and the healing power of psychedelics. We discuss the future of spiritual communities and how sacred plant medicines can foster deeper connections within congregations.

Chapter 5: Personal Transformation and Relationships

Time Stamp: 45:01 - End

In the final chapter, Hunt reflects on the personal shifts in his life, from stepping away from traditional ministry to the evolution of his relationships and his own identity. We talk about the power of embracing vulnerability and authenticity on the spiritual path.

Related Links:

1. Ligare - Hunt Priest's Organization

Cited Mentions:

1. Johns Hopkins Psychedelic Research
2. Michael Pollan's "How to Change Your Mind"
3. Fantastic Fungi Documentary
4. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
5. Gabor Maté's Work

In this episode, Kelly reflects on nearly 20 years in the church that I grew up going to, sharing her journey through faith, doubt, and personal growth. She talks about the supportive community she found, but also the challenging moments, particularly around the toxic dynamics she encountered and the difficulty of confronting leadership when things went wrong. Kelly opens up about the struggles of speaking out, the unintended harm she may have caused, and how she’s processing it all now, both in her role as a therapist and as someone still navigating her own faith.

Kelly’s story is real, vulnerable, and evolving. Her insights into self-acceptance and healing are powerful, and I’m grateful for her openness. She also brings wisdom from her work as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, living in Waco TX with her husband Chris, and their three boys.

In this episode of The Middle to Nowhere, I honor the memory of my dear friend Jesse Holcomb, who passed away earlier this year. On what would have been Jesse’s birthday, I reflect on my unique grieving process, the challenges of loving someone struggling with alcohol use disorder, and how my newfound spiritual life has helped me navigate that journey. I share the lessons I learned in loving Jesse for who he was, the importance of forgiveness, and the significance of reaching out to those you love before it’s too late. I also share the last song Jesse recorded, a touching tribute that I help him record for his mother.

In this episode, we explore the savior complex and how it can be created in church culture. Building on our previous discussion about purity culture and unhealed shame, we dive into how the drive to constantly help others and prove our worth can follow us long after we leave the church. Join me as we unpack these patterns, how they show up in our daily lives, and how we can begin the journey toward healing and self-acceptance.

In this episode, I dig further into many of the insights gleaned from my conversations with both Jonathon and Leah in the previous two episodes, further digging into the effects of growing up in evangelical purity culture and many of the ways it can still effect people, even after leaving the church or even their faith.

Having dug into the concept of deconstruction and it opening a whole new door of self-examination, I feel that I’ve learned so much about myself just in the past few weeks of how my struggles of self-criticism, low self-esteem, and perfectionism can be traced back to the church environment that I grew up in.

Later in the episode, I look at the original meaning of the word “sin” (in Hebrew "chata" and Greek, "hamartia") and how it means to simply “miss the mark” without any of the added shame attached. I further discuss how this interpretation was changed at different points in history and how we've come so far away from that original intention.

I hope that this episode helps those of you who have had similar experiences and struggles.

Thank you so much for your support and attention. It means a lot!

In this heartfelt episode, I sit down with my old childhood friend Leah Morales to explore her profound journey of leaving the church we both grew up in. Together, we delve into the emotional and often painful process she experienced in making this life-altering decision to leave and deconstruct her faith as she knew it.

Leah opens up about the toxic purity culture that permeated our upbringing, shedding light on the damaging effects it had on her sense of self and personal growth. She shares candidly about the internal conflict and the eventual clarity that led her to step away from the church’s teachings.

Interestingly, it was the very message of Jesus—a message of compassion and unconditional love—that ultimately became a driving force behind Leah’s decision to leave. Her story is a powerful testament to finding one’s own path to spirituality and understanding, even when it means challenging long-held beliefs.

Join us for an intimate and eye-opening conversation about faith, courage, and the pursuit of a more authentic life.

In this episode, I get to catchup with an old friend from childhood, Jonathon Lopez. A Waco native who now lives in Austin, Jonathon is part software developer, musician, and budding astrologer. In our talk, he shares about the dichotomy that was created in him when he was introduced to the christian church, creating a new sense of right and wrong and becoming a judge for himself and others. Some interesting questions arise surrounding the root source of shame in our lives.