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Hi everyone,
Whew! Here we are on the second episode and dare I say, I’m starting to find my rhythm… and it feels good.
My favorite person on the internet and very dear soul, Hannah Ciordas of Beinghood, once described the calling she felt to be a writer like a child tugging at her pant leg for years, begging to be heard — and when she finally found the bravery to act on it, she started living as as her Whole Self.
That’s how creating this podcast has felt for me. I’ve always wanted to share more deeply, more personally, to dive into the difficult and messy parts of life and have these conversations in the open. This feels like honoring a long-held whisper I’m finally giving voice to. I have no idea where it’s going, but that feels like none of my business — I’m just going to keep showing up.
I’m truly touched by how many of you have tuned in and listened so far. And if you thought the last episode about The Body was something… well, buckle up. My experiences with the mind — with mental health — are even wilder.
Until now, I’ve never shared this story publicly, even though these mental health struggles have been some of the most defining experiences of my life. They’ve shaped how I see and move through the world, how I treat myself and others, and they’ve given me a deep resilience I carry with me everywhere. Sharing them now feels terrifyingly electric, in the best way.
In this episode, we’ll get into:
* Developing a debilitating anxiety disorder out of the blue, and the two years where I felt like I was actually losing my mind
* Miraculously stumbling upon my exact obscure diagnosis in a magazine on my parent’s coffee table.
* What it’s like living with “Pure O” OCD — not the stereotypical handwashing, but intrusive thought loops, rumination about taboo topics, and an exhausting search for certainty you can never find.
* Sneaking out of college classes to read notecards in the bathroom with my greatest fears written as if they were true 10x a day—yes, that’s how you get better.
* How CBT and ERP therapy taught me to sit with uncertainty instead of giving into my compulsions to “know for sure.”
* The realization that my anxiety has never been about the actual topics I worry about — but rather the primal terror of not being in control.
* The watershed discovery of my long-masked, severe ADHD that, up until starting my own business had always worked to my advantage— and then all came crashing down.
* How women are under‑diagnosed because they don’t exhibit the “textbook” signs and are experts at masking symptoms, even to themselves.
* The identity crisis I went through realizing that my brain works differently, after years of punishing myself for not being able to operate like other people
* The messy, contradictory mix of OCD’s perfectionism and ADHD’s chaos
* Being a highly sensitive person who feels everything at a 10 — sounds, lights, emotions, substances - and especially other people’s moods
* My mental health experience postpartum
* Why these diagnoses aren’t moral failings, but a realization about my unique brain wiring — and how self-compassion, therapy, and being direct with others has changed everything.
As always, my intention here is to speak from the heart so others feel less alone in their own experiences. I’ve linked resources below that helped me most, and I’d love to hear from you if you’re walking through something similar.
Sending my love to everyone navigating a difficult mental health chapter in their life - I see you, and if you keep an open mind, I promise you will find help. Please never give up on yourself, it does get better.
xo,
Kacie
RESOURCES:
Steven Phillipson and the Center for Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy - my beloved therapist who I saw for weekly for years. This treatment gave me my life back and I will love Dr. Phil (hehe) eternally for what he did for me.
“Choice” - An article by Dr. Phillipson that completely explains the OCD brain and the mental framework needed to finally get better. I have printed this out several times in my life and reread it whenever I need the reminder that my job isn’t to get rid of the thoughts and vanquish my fears, it’s to accept that in not knowing, I can finally be free.
Needing to Know For Sure - An excellent resource for those caught in the loop of reassurance seeking. I keep this book on my nightstand and pick it up whenever my brain is feeling sticky.
Liana Gergely’s Substack - My dear friend (and therapist-in-training) Liana writes so beautifully about so many of these topics, and always makes me feel less alone in my experience. She is a gift.
“When Worry Hijacks the Brain” - The very TIME magazine article that saved my life (I got weepy rereading this almost 20 years later.) The feeling that swept through me when I stumbled on this and finally understood I wasn’t crazy is difficult to describe. Finding this article truly felt like a divine intervention.
Vibration Plate - I have a very sensitive nervous system, and this vibration plate always pulls me back into my body and senses when I’m feeling stressed. Vibration and shaking is known to help reduce cortisol responses and is a widely used somatic practice by animals in nature :) I’ve also noticed it lowers my blood sugar after eating. I will say, this one is great but the buttons are a little loud. If you know of a better one, lmk!
Divergent Mind: Thriving in a World that Wasn’t Designed For You - A super important read to understand the spectrum of neurodivergence, and how it’s often missed in women until later in life.
Women with ADHD: Another great book that really helped me understand myself.
The Best Human Design Reader: Amy Lee of Holo Human Design. Book a session and prepare to be amazed. (I’m a Projector, obviously- 6/2 Splenic authority to be exact)
Opal Social Media Blocker: Without this app, my battle against compulsive screen time is a lost cause. I block social media, news, and all other internet type things that consume me completely from 8pm-8am, and then set up blocks during the work day too. I’ll never be without this.
By with Kacie CarterHi everyone,
Whew! Here we are on the second episode and dare I say, I’m starting to find my rhythm… and it feels good.
My favorite person on the internet and very dear soul, Hannah Ciordas of Beinghood, once described the calling she felt to be a writer like a child tugging at her pant leg for years, begging to be heard — and when she finally found the bravery to act on it, she started living as as her Whole Self.
That’s how creating this podcast has felt for me. I’ve always wanted to share more deeply, more personally, to dive into the difficult and messy parts of life and have these conversations in the open. This feels like honoring a long-held whisper I’m finally giving voice to. I have no idea where it’s going, but that feels like none of my business — I’m just going to keep showing up.
I’m truly touched by how many of you have tuned in and listened so far. And if you thought the last episode about The Body was something… well, buckle up. My experiences with the mind — with mental health — are even wilder.
Until now, I’ve never shared this story publicly, even though these mental health struggles have been some of the most defining experiences of my life. They’ve shaped how I see and move through the world, how I treat myself and others, and they’ve given me a deep resilience I carry with me everywhere. Sharing them now feels terrifyingly electric, in the best way.
In this episode, we’ll get into:
* Developing a debilitating anxiety disorder out of the blue, and the two years where I felt like I was actually losing my mind
* Miraculously stumbling upon my exact obscure diagnosis in a magazine on my parent’s coffee table.
* What it’s like living with “Pure O” OCD — not the stereotypical handwashing, but intrusive thought loops, rumination about taboo topics, and an exhausting search for certainty you can never find.
* Sneaking out of college classes to read notecards in the bathroom with my greatest fears written as if they were true 10x a day—yes, that’s how you get better.
* How CBT and ERP therapy taught me to sit with uncertainty instead of giving into my compulsions to “know for sure.”
* The realization that my anxiety has never been about the actual topics I worry about — but rather the primal terror of not being in control.
* The watershed discovery of my long-masked, severe ADHD that, up until starting my own business had always worked to my advantage— and then all came crashing down.
* How women are under‑diagnosed because they don’t exhibit the “textbook” signs and are experts at masking symptoms, even to themselves.
* The identity crisis I went through realizing that my brain works differently, after years of punishing myself for not being able to operate like other people
* The messy, contradictory mix of OCD’s perfectionism and ADHD’s chaos
* Being a highly sensitive person who feels everything at a 10 — sounds, lights, emotions, substances - and especially other people’s moods
* My mental health experience postpartum
* Why these diagnoses aren’t moral failings, but a realization about my unique brain wiring — and how self-compassion, therapy, and being direct with others has changed everything.
As always, my intention here is to speak from the heart so others feel less alone in their own experiences. I’ve linked resources below that helped me most, and I’d love to hear from you if you’re walking through something similar.
Sending my love to everyone navigating a difficult mental health chapter in their life - I see you, and if you keep an open mind, I promise you will find help. Please never give up on yourself, it does get better.
xo,
Kacie
RESOURCES:
Steven Phillipson and the Center for Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy - my beloved therapist who I saw for weekly for years. This treatment gave me my life back and I will love Dr. Phil (hehe) eternally for what he did for me.
“Choice” - An article by Dr. Phillipson that completely explains the OCD brain and the mental framework needed to finally get better. I have printed this out several times in my life and reread it whenever I need the reminder that my job isn’t to get rid of the thoughts and vanquish my fears, it’s to accept that in not knowing, I can finally be free.
Needing to Know For Sure - An excellent resource for those caught in the loop of reassurance seeking. I keep this book on my nightstand and pick it up whenever my brain is feeling sticky.
Liana Gergely’s Substack - My dear friend (and therapist-in-training) Liana writes so beautifully about so many of these topics, and always makes me feel less alone in my experience. She is a gift.
“When Worry Hijacks the Brain” - The very TIME magazine article that saved my life (I got weepy rereading this almost 20 years later.) The feeling that swept through me when I stumbled on this and finally understood I wasn’t crazy is difficult to describe. Finding this article truly felt like a divine intervention.
Vibration Plate - I have a very sensitive nervous system, and this vibration plate always pulls me back into my body and senses when I’m feeling stressed. Vibration and shaking is known to help reduce cortisol responses and is a widely used somatic practice by animals in nature :) I’ve also noticed it lowers my blood sugar after eating. I will say, this one is great but the buttons are a little loud. If you know of a better one, lmk!
Divergent Mind: Thriving in a World that Wasn’t Designed For You - A super important read to understand the spectrum of neurodivergence, and how it’s often missed in women until later in life.
Women with ADHD: Another great book that really helped me understand myself.
The Best Human Design Reader: Amy Lee of Holo Human Design. Book a session and prepare to be amazed. (I’m a Projector, obviously- 6/2 Splenic authority to be exact)
Opal Social Media Blocker: Without this app, my battle against compulsive screen time is a lost cause. I block social media, news, and all other internet type things that consume me completely from 8pm-8am, and then set up blocks during the work day too. I’ll never be without this.